My Step Sister Ch. 01

EXCELLANT

VERY HOT STORY GOOD JOB.

Nice work.

Oh yes!!!

Gave me such a fucking hardon I had to jack off immediately. Gotta eat that cunt !!

excellent start. I can see a few more chapters easy.

You need to keep this going.

so-so

way to rushed and unrealistic what happened here should be spread out over months not one day. you need to build the plot and characters give more and better background and better details. what you have here should be two or three times longer think about a rewrite using a good editor.

HOT

omg, that was so hot, i wish my step brother would fuck me like that

Thanks

Thank you to all who have read the story so far.
Thanks for voting and for those who have put comments.
I really appreciate the feed back and Chapter 2 should be up soon as it was submitted the same day as this one.
I realize that perhaps the story line is not too believable with regards to the speed at which events have taken place but I am learning.

Please continue to read, vote and comment.
All feed back is welcome :-)

liked it but...

really liked this story but would like it more if the ending was different. I wish it would be just the two of them from now until they go their separate ways (or whatever happens). Bringing in all the friends makes it less special and more like just a single guy doing his thing.

Why does every guy have to ruin the story

...by mentioning how big his cock is every paragraph. Let's just say your obviously overcompensating.

very good for a first story !need to work on making them longer take your time and keep at it !

Step sister?

Fucking a step sister is neither incest nor taboo. There should be a separate section for "steps". Maybe call it the Lame section.

Nice first effort, but...

I have to agree with some of the other criticisms. The story was too short, you rushed into the sex, your characters have bodies like porn stars, and one more issue that hasn't been mentioned yet:

Some of your phrasing felt clumsy and awkward. As an example, "I remembered what I had seen the night before and decided to masturbate to the image in my head." This sentence makes your character sound like a robot. He remembered seeing his step sister naked and then rationally decided to masturbate about it? Where's the emotion? Love or lust, anything would be better than calm and rationale in this situation.

In my opinion, it should be more about feelings. Perhaps you could have used "Remembering last night's events, my step sister was the only thing on my mind as I began to stroke my hardening prick.", or something similar, instead.

Finally, this story could have used a quick proofread before posting. I noticed several typos that you would have picked up on if you re-read the story. All in all, I liked the story and will keep an eye out for more.

rushed and just plain DUMB

yet another waste of time i wish we had a delete button.

need more

I like the concept. I think it is too rushed and short, even for a short story - a stroke story even - on Literotica. He is an asshole. Though he and his step-sister hardly know each other and never got along and he never got along with his step-mother, he is very bastardly in not even offering to help her with her luggage. He masturbates while watching her clandestinely and perv-ing out on her. Ejaculates on her bedroom door and doesn't clean it up. Bends her forewords and fucks her in the hallway. Doesn't even take her to the bedroom. She is simply planning to pimp her stepbrother out to her friends. Does she not think she is woman enough to keep him for herself and satisfied? There is very little at all sexual in this chapter. It is rushed to their final orgasms and not at all erotic. Though I will read chapter 2, I am not particularily looking at the prospect with anticipation. Your English is stilted and stiff. Your narrative doesn't flow, nor does your dialogue. Not just being picky here, the flow of a story helps the reader visualize the characters and connect with their personalities.