All Comments on 'Southern Comfort'

a chapter two.

And a bit different from the norm. As the first poster said, it probably needs a chapter 2. If you can keep up to the same standard, I'll be looking forward to it.

Needs a 2nd chapter, excellent start.

It's we're, not were and thrust, not trust. good story though.

slut story

Very interesting and unique plot. Please finish the story.

Not a bad story but definately written by a southerner or a fourth grader.

Got me at the ending, hope there is more coming about Jim and Dixie. Thanks for writing. tom anon

I see you think yourself smarter than a 4th grader. How sad. Author, thanks for the story despite the spelling. Please, you are a fine writer in need of an editor. Think about it, not simple minded Anon comments.

Fucking loved this. Class.

Very nice. I feel it's complete as written. BTW... a fourth grader would know how to spell definitely... ;)

""I'm a lot of things, and I'm about to become a new one, an adulteress. I am not a whore!" her eyes blaze.

Yes she was. Stupid story.

But I guess I'm dumber than a fourth grader, because I didn't understand the ending at all.

I don't have a clue as to what is supposed to have happened.

I liked it. Good, concise story. I liked the writing style, though it could maybe have used one more pass in editing. I join in with the requests for a second chapter.

He needs to have several officers go over and feel his bike's engine! It had a three-beer head start on cooling off. They can't compare to Dixie's, because she has just ridden hers (and they don't know where she is, I'd guess!) But his may be cool enough to absolve him! Neat story!

this guy is headed for a world of deep doggy doo-doo, TK U MLJ LV NV ps an epilog is definitely required, mlj

Hypo: 1). She leaves and Bill does a murder/suicide. He does NOTget the two he's most pissed at, and he didn't seem the suicide type! Reject!

Hypo: 2a) Sweetie blows away the other 3 card players and Bill, then rides over to Jim the NewBull's trailer! Sweetie is NOT drunk on her ass and has suffered these indignities before. Is she trying to frame Jim? I see nothing that she did that would do that (but she WAS there while Jim was asleep, so it IS possible!) Slight reject!

Hypo: 2b). Sweetie does all of 2a, but is NOT trying to set up Jim! How horny do you have to be to murder 4 guys, but still have to get drilled by your new Bull AKA late Hubby's good buddy? And why take the time??? Bigger reject than 2a, Got to go with 2a, but I don't like it!

sure, it's a little ragged as far as editing, but it's a good read, it's imaginative, and I hope MSTarot writes the rest of it. I think the butler did it...

Now I want a drink and PART 2 and I do not care what order they come in. Thanks for sharing.

Why has it not been continued?

I have a couple of stories that have need of a part two or three. I decided to go the contest route for a couple of stories to try to bring up my readers (So as to increase my scores a bit) Shameless self promotion but I was getting very low scores on stories that were not bad at all.

It worked well enough. I am finishing up my Halloween stories now. I already have the Christmas story finished so between then and now. I will catch up on some of the others. this one included.

M.S.Tarot

Loved it, and would like to read part two

Chilley

A story like this and you end it there...???

Ok, sure it's likely we know what's going to happen... but it is still a toss up as to whether in addition to looking for her they also lock him up... and it would be nice to find out if the other people being killed bothers him all that much.

And whether, if he doesn't get locked up, he's willing to go looking for her - after all, clearly she has a bit of a temper. =)

Too bad! Wonderful story line with vivid descriptions of the people, surroundings, and events.

So sad, started pretty good. And you are referenced as a favorite by Lovecraft, hmm, wonder what you wrote that he sees as so good. Not finishing is a cardinal sin.

But where is the ending? Sorry there's just no enjoyment in an unfinished story. There are several ways this could go but I needed the author to write one of those endings. Without it, this is a 2.

The reader is left to their own imagination to determine the ending. It’s is my hope that Dixie went to her Mother’s house for the night. Maybe the other players were breaking Bill’s balls so much after Dixie left that Bill killed them then committed suicide. I hope Dixie and Jim finally move in together and have a loving relationship. Bill was just controlling Dixie. There was no love in their relationship.

Original storyline. Very trippy. *****

What four people?

This isn't about getting the readers

to fill in the blanks.

The blanks are too many to fill.

This is about a writer having an idea

he wants to tell readers about.

He just can't be bothered

to write it down.

Why then tell us about it?

2 out of 5 from me.

Would that the team of _finishthedamnstory_ were still active. They'd have a field day with this one!

But for the misspelled words and improper homonyms, I would have liked to have given this a five.

No ending????

That’s it?

Another example of why an author needs to figure out the ending before he writes the story.

It ended exactly where I planned for it to end. With a question. Who killed those people?

It's not as simple an answer as it seems, but the clues were in the story.

There's really only three possibilities. Since Jim turned on the TV and heard the news report immediately after watching Dixie leaving on her motorcycle, and the TV reporter says "events of last night" the murders obviously happened before she left Jim's trailer in the morning. Thus, either (1): Dixie lost her mind after Bill humiliated her by calling her a whore in front of their friends, and she murdered Bill and the other three who were there, then drove to Jim's and had a "last dalliance" with him prior to running from the authorities. Second (2) Dixie left Bill and his friends (whether she actually told him she was going to her mother's, or told him the truth, is just a variation on this option) and Bill's friends mocked him to the point that he drunkenly murdered them. The news anchor doesn't mention murder/suicide, so in scenario (2) either Bill escaped, or was kidnapped by aliens, or somesuch thing. Or three (3) Bill and Dixie are serial killers, and deliberately contrived to murder four people and pin it on Jim.

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Scenario 1 seems the likeliest option. So Dixie murdered four people, then went over to have sex with Jim. The question is whether she wanted to make the authorities think Jim did it.

.

All in all, if I'm honest, far too depressing for me to thoroughly enjoy, especially in my current headspace, and though I appreciate that it's a copper-plated bitch editing stories on lit after they've been posted, things like "peal" instead of "peel" and 'taunt' instead of "taut"... Gah. But it's more than merely "workmanlike", and (unsurprisingly) shows real skill, so I'll just not rate it, rather than dinging it with a 3 or 4.

I a sad-case reader who loves when the author forces me to engage to this degree, searching for clues and hints to what actually happened in that cabin. I really liked both the MC and Dixie and would be interested in hearing more about them

Well, that escalated quickly, to say the least.