Let's have some more stories along this theme - please let me know when you publish another
by
Anonymous07/16/12
needs some editing
It's the little things, questions that don't end with a question mark, "was it coincidence or was he waiting for the others to leave," etc. nice story line, just needs a little help.
by
Anonymous07/16/12
Hmmmm
Good story line, but your dialogue needs serious help. Consider eavesdropping on conversations at coffee shops, etc. and dictating what you hear. This will help you develop a more natural style. Also, remember that people typically use contractions when they speak. ;)
JJ whispered in my ear, "How hot and sexy he thought my body was." Really? If someone actually spoke those words to you, you'd think they were nuts, speaking to some imaginary "he".
Lots of potential here-- good luck with your writing!
English
yummy
Let's have some more stories along this theme - please let me know when you publish another
needs some editing
It's the little things, questions that don't end with a question mark, "was it coincidence or was he waiting for the others to leave," etc. nice story line, just needs a little help.
Hmmmm
Good story line, but your dialogue needs serious help. Consider eavesdropping on conversations at coffee shops, etc. and dictating what you hear. This will help you develop a more natural style. Also, remember that people typically use contractions when they speak. ;)
JJ whispered in my ear, "How hot and sexy he thought my body was." Really? If someone actually spoke those words to you, you'd think they were nuts, speaking to some imaginary "he".
Lots of potential here-- good luck with your writing!
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