The basic premise has been said many times before: A story must have one character that the reader can identify with or empathize with to become emotionally invested in the story. If not, the reader doesn't care what happens, and thus doesn't care about the story.
There are no decent characters in this story so far....
CHARACTER'S ESTABLISHED BY THE EYE AND MIND OF A READER
Not every reader needs a clear picture drawn by a writers words to fix that intent. I can see three guys for each male you've introduced and two women who fit the female lead. Enjoy what you are doing as writer. Let it roll out of you.
Good start. Don't fall prey to the throw it in their faces sex scenes.
Starring is what an actor does as the lead in a movie. Staring is what you do with your eyes when you fix them on one object. I overlooked several other like spelling problems but when you made this mistake a se3cond time, I stopped reading.
This story needs some serious help with spelling. The characters and conversation were described and presented quite well, but the story was too short and it looks like the main character is going to be a simple one dimensional type of person.
English
You're really going to write more of this?
The basic premise has been said many times before: A story must have one character that the reader can identify with or empathize with to become emotionally invested in the story. If not, the reader doesn't care what happens, and thus doesn't care about the story.
There are no decent characters in this story so far....
CHARACTER'S ESTABLISHED BY THE EYE AND MIND OF A READER
Not every reader needs a clear picture drawn by a writers words to fix that intent. I can see three guys for each male you've introduced and two women who fit the female lead. Enjoy what you are doing as writer. Let it roll out of you.
Good start. Don't fall prey to the throw it in their faces sex scenes.
Spelling
Starring is what an actor does as the lead in a movie. Staring is what you do with your eyes when you fix them on one object. I overlooked several other like spelling problems but when you made this mistake a se3cond time, I stopped reading.
Is this supposed to be erotic?
Sorry, but it's not making it yet!
spelling!
This story needs some serious help with spelling. The characters and conversation were described and presented quite well, but the story was too short and it looks like the main character is going to be a simple one dimensional type of person.
Fuck the worn out wife and stretch her pussy out to where all she wants is his cock in her.
Then fuck the daughter and her mom together in front of her dad and mom's husband.
I hope to see more soon.
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