A Dangerous Game Ch. 02

Danger Ahead

Can you say "Divorce?"

Details details...

Or what's a story for???

Steph's job? Apron and uniform? So is she the waitress he's going to nail or is it really someone else? A co-worker?

Who's steph's lover? What's the game? What are the rules and how does one win or lose? And why are they playing the game?

You Have

You have not given us enough details to be interested in your characters. There are more details in the list of "Tags" than there are in your stories.

The tags state where the 'story' is going 1 star without needing to read the story thanks for the tags.

Details

I agree with the previous comment about details. Are they really in love or does he truly think he Is an asshole? Who's idea was this? That would help give us an insight into potential trouble down the road - which I absolutely love. Excellent writing ability. Can't wait for more.

1*

Written by a pervert.

I thought the first was as bad as possible

but this eclipsed it!

I agree that more characterization would help...

...but you can accomplish this over time. Think of this as the first chapter of a novel, and build the characters slowly and with small details told as the story unfolds.

You write well - I'm curious to know more about these people and their game - and making the reader want more is, after all, the writer's central goal.

More, please.

"1" of course - the comments tell the story.

it was total dog shit as usual.