All Comments on 'Zubway Zip Up'

Seems a bit beyond but entertaining all the same!

Old Cheshire =^;^=

What a hot story. You certainly know how to get readers excited with you words and images. Great read!

Learned some new words in your remedial English, did you?

You have a nice way with words.  From my personal viewpoint my comments would be as follows:

Most stories are built around conflict of some kind. James bond stories show incredible unique weapons, but the story focuses on the fact that they may not work.

A magician almost always stresses that his trick may not work.

It is not very believable that a number of strangers could meet on a subway and all consent to sex.

I would encourage you to try another viewpoint (third person)and rewrite this.

Why is the woman participating? What does she have to gain? Maybe she is an immigrant wife who might be sent back if her impotent husband doesn't get his way?

What is he thinking? What is she thinking? What are they saying to each other?

I have a number of variations of this story under my name. At least one is based on a personal true story sent to me by a reader. I never got a reply back from her of the outcome. She was concerned about her husband's reaction after knowing she had fucked somebody else he had picked out.

I did not make that part of my stories. Still, some conflict is more believable that a completely compliant wife. (in my opinion

Thanks for taking the time to make your comments.  I agree that your approach is tenable and even textbook, but I'm experimenting with leaving my left brain turned off while writing.  See How I Managed My Muse! for more info.

This story was not focused on conflict.  In fact, I left hints that she was a very willing exhibitionist who protested just pro forma.  Note that she whispered several times to her husband who enjoyed her exposure and updtaed status.  Her husband user her excited exposure to justify exposing himself and jerking himself within the humid cloud of lust she facilitated.  Her husband used her, but she also used him.

It wasn't until both of them were naked that the others took permission to get involved and yield to their own lust.  What SHE got out of it was meeting her need to expose and get laid while her husband watched.  He got to watch her orgasm with someone else, not an uncommon fantasy, and presumably greatly heightened sex when they get home.  Their mutual invite says they were interested in 3-way sex with 'me'. The fact that they had a pre-printed card handy says they did that before and were likely to repeat it.

The ending makes it very clear that they both enjoy playing their game.

My muse, Lois, slapped me with their names - even I didn't see that coming.

Thanks again for letting me review the story from 2012.