- All
Comments (15) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
English
Damn, talk about suspense.
Please hurry with the next chapter. Edge of your seat stuff. I am loving this story.
Well done on getting most of the errors on this chapter too.
Ditto
I love this story
MORE!!!
Two pages just isn't enough!!! This is one of the best stories I've ever read!
More...please:)
Fantastic *****
Well done !
I hope to see more soon.
Thanks for the great read.
This is really GOOD!!!!
This is a good story and can't wait to read the next chapter of this amazing story!!!!!
Nice concept and interesting take on it
If you need some editing or proofreading help, send me a message on the forum or mail me :)
A great story is unfolding
This is building into a great story, great plot. I love a story where the sex parts are not as important as the main story.
But hurry up, write faster, I need more !! LOL
Fine Story
Cant wait to see where Johns journey goes from here.
and to see if he and Liz and Penny get Together.
Very nice!
Nice to read please go on!
This wasn't as bad as the first two chapters.
I'm glad to see you've spent at least a little time proofreading. I'm really excited to see if the progress continues since this is turning into a very hot story.
suit vs. suite
Enjoying your story. Please recognize that a "suit" of clothes is not a "suite" of rooms. There is no such things as a "suite" of clothes.
Great Story and.....
the sex part is nice as well. Going to read more now!!
Disemboweled vs. Disembodied
disemboweled means to cut someone's bawls out. disembodied mean separated from the body.
I wish
You had made him 21 instead of 18 so he could be a bit more mature
That he hadn't gone overboard with the remodeling of April
and that you used Shudder when a person has that special bit of physical shaking and muscle spasm associated with pleasure. Shutters go on the outside of windows.
to much sex
going to give it a couple more chapters then call it from what I've seen, its got potential but I honestly don't know where your intending to go wit this other than hae it as a series of wank bank pieces
JC
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to A Gift From His Father Ch. 03 or
More submissions by Absolutelywickedthoughts.