Thank you, you are correct. I did mean din...haha. Thanks everyone!
by
Anonymous08/19/12
In general, the story is fine, though there are some rooms for improvements. For instance, "damn it" would sound more historical than "damnit." Another thing is you occasionally use of too many adjectives, such as "she was so damned, unbearably, deliciously tight..." could be shortened into "she was so unbearably, tantalizingly tight..." ("Delicious" gives an impression that the enjoyment is entirely voluntary; "tantalizing" suggests a forbidden temptation, hence it embraces the notion of "damned," as well.)
English
Dun
Used in yur first paragraph. I think you mean din.
You Sweet Submissive Bitch!
Wonderfully written can't believe it is your first submission. Look forward to more,
The Colonel
Thank you, you are correct. I did mean din...haha. Thanks everyone!
In general, the story is fine, though there are some rooms for improvements. For instance, "damn it" would sound more historical than "damnit." Another thing is you occasionally use of too many adjectives, such as "she was so damned, unbearably, deliciously tight..." could be shortened into "she was so unbearably, tantalizingly tight..." ("Delicious" gives an impression that the enjoyment is entirely voluntary; "tantalizing" suggests a forbidden temptation, hence it embraces the notion of "damned," as well.)
^____^
Good start pls keep going!!
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