All Comments on 'Beach Fantasy'

by playm0mum

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  • 53 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Present tense.

I @#$%^& really dislike stories set in the present tense.

I guess that means I really don't like descriptions of fantasies.

But, that's just me.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
cheaters all

Non erotic=cheap thrill writer

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
3rd Person!

Please write stories in the third person. It's mentally draining to read a story in the first person. Pick up any professional writer's work and it'll be in the third person. Tell a story like you weren't there, even if you were.

AnonymessAnonymessover 11 years ago
Not enjoyable

First person perspective ruins it and makes it not enjoyable to read. I can imagine this would have been much more intense and erotic if written in the third person

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
she does it once

she'll do it again

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
"You and I saw each ..."

That's the point at which I lost interest!!!

Trying to make out that the reader is/was a participant immediately destroys any semblance of believability because the reader KNOWS he/she was not there.

No believability? Waste of time writing it and waste of time reading it!

Have respect for those you hope will read your offerings and present believable stories!!

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
1st person (I/we) is OK, but…

Well done in contributing your first story! Do continue!

Ignore the over critical comments!

Writing in the first person is OK,

but next time try and reduce the first person singular subject pronouns,

people don't like "I" being repeated,

especially at the beginning of a sentence.

Drbeamer3333Drbeamer3333over 11 years ago
Good start

I thought the first person was unique and sounded a lot like a love letter being written. Because of that, it actually came across as pure fantasy, like she was writing in her journal about what she wished had happened. I did enjoy it. Very descriptive and vivid. I like stories werer the sex is described in detail and realistically. Look forward to reading more of your stuff. You obviously know how to write.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Don;t listen to them - this story rocked

loved the story, was gentle sensual and made me imagine my fantasy girl

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
WTF?!?

It's

1:18 PM 8/18/2012

and this story is posted?!?

Nuthin' from 8/20? or 8/19?

WTF is going on?

Seriously: this story has a two day advantage on voting for it; unfair to others who 'post' on 8/21, let alone 8/20 or 8/19.

What's wrong here?

JonTaylorJonTaylorover 11 years ago
OK Fantasy

These commenters are a little off base. First person is OK. It's the third person ("..you walk toward me..") that is awkward. Inhibits dialog and character development, which are two pillars of story telling. Since you avoided both of these elements, and kept it short and to the point, it was entertaining. Just don't use this technique for more developed stories. Being married was irrelevent and just served to t-off some readers. Intentional?

JonTaylorJonTaylorover 11 years ago
Ooops

I meant writing in the second person is awkward.

PistolpackinpetePistolpackinpeteover 11 years ago
Don't listen to the asshole anons that tell you not to listen to the critics....

...do listen to the critics because that is why you post here duh! First person fantasies are fucking boring.

daddygoesdeepdaddygoesdeepover 11 years ago
I thought it was pretty damn hot.

Kept me bone hard while reading it.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Oh dont the dunces play...

With crit words. I have edited in the real world. Yes first person fantasy, cos they are twice removed before a word is typed, slide towards the boring... or the incredulous boring. This did neither. It left ends open where at the last para you can not be sure it's fantasy at all.... A guide to success. 'Course most of the Fant and Absurd Fant never put themselves in THAT Category

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Well written

I actually enjoyed it written in the first person. It was a different kind of story which is a nice change. One thing I like about this site IS the diverse writing styles. Keep up the good work, can't wait to read more :)

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Loving wives?

There's a mention of an "affair", but nothing I could see to indicate either party is married. Certainly no remorse.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Love it.

This was hot. Being written in the first person, I naturally placed myself in the story as the main character. Incredibly sensual and sexy. Looking forward to reading more!

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
astronomical oops

the moon can't rise from the same horizon that the sun has set.

dr_thom_frenchdr_thom_frenchover 11 years ago
Very nice fantasy

Usually, I hate the first & second person style. You've shown me wrong with my a priori. Thanks for a lovely story - keep writing !

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
The descripiton clearly states:

Married girl plays out a fantasy at the beach with a friend.

marbles1470marbles1470over 11 years ago
,but I liked it and why not

I enjoyed reading this, the first person style made it feel more like a confession, perhaps some commenters need to understand some people write for themselves not for everyone else.

RainWhenIDieRainWhenIDieover 11 years ago
Awesome story!!

I could close my eyes and picture every bit..Good story!

SaucebladeSaucebladeover 11 years ago
If you read that story and got caught up in the astronomy, you need to get laid.

Great story. Intimate, perfect length, and finely wrought. Thanks for sharing.

Kat1971Kat1971over 11 years ago
Life's a beach

Loved it. A great fantasy and well written. Look forward to reading more.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
The beach...

Would that I were on that beach, well written, I'll think of this story next time I'm on a beach...

OleguyOleguyabout 11 years ago
Score card.

I make it approx. 3 like to two dislike at this time.

My imagination wafted along with your story, told like a real person, so accordingly in first person.

What else? not a voyeuristic babbling of something remote.

ichews2ichews2about 11 years ago
You could have knocked me down with a feather ...

Until you linked this to your pic page today, I wasn't aware you had written this story. You have been teasing us with bits of narrative on your thread, with images of your very tasty body, so I read this with a mind already influenced by your scent. For me, it's erotic. Don't stop writing.

InspiriniousInspiriniousabout 11 years ago
Great Fantasy

A great fantasy story. Well written. I like the slow pace of the build-up, your thoughts mixed with the anticipation and desire. Well done.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Can I have some more please

I really do hope you write some more, this was a very enjoyable read

Tin_Man_03Tin_Man_03almost 11 years ago
Interesting story

This is a well-crafted thread of consciousness story where the writer/storyteller/protagonist is visualizing in thought what she wishes to occur. It is heat of the moment eroticism which leaves you inclined to believe it based upon actual experience. I consider this strongly in the romance category of erotic fiction,and suggest the author submit further stories.

Doctor JoeDoctor Joealmost 11 years ago
Erotic Buildup

Very nice slow buildup as we see your character's needs overtake her actions. You can feel how she aches for him and explodes with him....Hot fantasy!

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
Exposing yourself

Wonderful opening of your mind for us to peep in :-)

Luved the honesty of removing your panties to further excite yourself and the yearning to be touched.

mrspank30mrspank30over 10 years ago
stunning

I loved the story and could feel you rocking on my shaft

JackJawnson9999JackJawnson9999over 10 years ago
Wow

That is a fabulous story. Great imagery, great pace, and great realism. My cock is hard and I am ready to cum myself. Nicely done.

tusaistuquoitusaistuquoiover 10 years ago
Awesome

I really enjoyed you story! Need more be said? Hot!

Thanks. Hope to read more from you!

mnbreastluvermnbreastluverabout 10 years ago
I loved it

I totally loved the slow build up. Those are the stories I like the best. Your description was very erotic, and who doesn't have a beach fantasy. Thanks for writing and sharing it!

ArgoneArgoneover 9 years ago
Beautifully described

"your words penetrating deep between my thighs" - what a perfect turn of phrase!

wildernesswildernessover 9 years ago
Friend and new lover

Loved it. A great fantasy becomes reality. Felt real.

MrSoftRoughMrSoftRoughover 9 years ago
Amazing story

I love all the details you put in, from the movements to the hands. So sensual and passionate, this is a fantastic fantasy.

midatlantic_cplmidatlantic_cplabout 9 years ago
Very nice

Your detail is beautiful. I long to hear the whole story.

Stevebaker686Stevebaker686over 8 years ago
oh, you know how it's done!

What a great story....

SueAnne443SueAnne443about 7 years ago
lovely...

Simply erotic

moodydudemoodydudeover 4 years ago
Beach

Now I want to go to the beach

TARDISCapricornTARDISCapricornabout 4 years ago
Great, erotic tale!

I love what you wrote here; it’s very sexy, sensual and just plain hot! You loaded it with enough information that my mind played out the scenes just like watching a movie! Bravo!!

PG564EPG564Eover 3 years ago
Just superb

Beautifully written. The sexual tension kept growing and growing, and the depth of your erotic imagination so truly impresses me.

Your word images make the story 100% possible - and for you, I hope the story was real.

GoofyRobGoofyRobover 3 years ago

Wow this was more than hot. Ten stars. WOW!!!!

MkmydazeMkmydazeover 2 years ago

Lovely story. You should write more!

diamondjimdiamondjimover 1 year ago

Coming back to this story was like walking into room full of memories, warmth and a feeling need fufilled. Thank you! DJ

unvrknow20unvrknow20about 1 year ago

Damn, that was incredible. Your attention to detail was so hot. You took me right to that beach experiencing you and your body just the way he did....

lc69hunterlc69hunter7 months ago

FANTASY, OR REAL???

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