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English
good
i loved it but im disappointed something didnt happen between Saber and Rurita
wow
More please
Good but short
I had a fun time reading this little adventure but wish it had not been cut off so suddenly
But overall a very good read
nice one but a bit...
OK I get the story but would not Rurita be a bit more intrigue by him.
Considering what was said in first chapter about him angry at the guy who pull and his in core inmortal. Its perfectly logical to assume as the last chapter said that he lived very VERY long time so I kinda don't see him breaking in anyway. I'm pretty sure in all his time he gone with many mental and physical stress. Pain tolerance is very relative thing and can develop tolerance... and I'm pretty sure he would have develop one in all that time willingly or unwillingly...
Yes I know thing are dangerous what happened to him and normal people mind would crack mental state.. but there is one huge difrence between your character and normal man.... He can not die... And he knowns it for sure... That a huge opsticle to break.. You can't treaten him by any means technically..(in last chapter he jump in magma to escape...) Even taking his soul... What's the point... He can't die she can't claim it until he is dead.... And his immortal.... Butchering him in peaces would not have any effect.. You can't bluff him he is mortal and can die, if anything it would make him want to try to kill himself.
It would be more logical for them to be intregue why is he is the way he is and I'm pretty sure your "angel" would not just shrug him off with all idea or immortal soul not to mention other demons.
All in all the story it self is nice, a bit out of logic view but I understand its for plot convenient and for story be develop in theme you wanted, still think there was so many things to explore in there. I hope you will not just end there and that you will make more on top of this story. Maybe you could write what have happened to Rurita and her place after he escape I don't think she would leave it at that. Maybe add more plot twist in it with her trying to find out more of detail on him or something you don't come across people like him that often.
In any cease best wishes and good luck in writing from Zero
PS: sorry for bad English..
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