All Comments on 'The Xolt'

I love your stories.

I love this story, so ready for the next chapter!!!! I hope it is soon!!!

Hey, overall a good story. I'd like to see you get an editor though. There were a lot of tiny mistakes that kinda distracted me as I read. The other thing is that at some parts you hurried things possibly which made it not make sense or follow. An example is that Steven got upset the first time Xe'Trygg mentioned having kids and then suddenly he's pissed three weeks later that Xe'Trygg has assumed he doesn't want kids. it made steven seem a bit manic to me. There is no problem with him changing his mind but explain it by pointing out that he was so overwhelmed when he first got there that the idea scared him. Maybe that thinking about the chance to have kids, which he couldn't do on Earth, now appealled to him. Just make it a bit smoother rather than contradictory from his earlier reaction.

I'd have liked to see him interact with 'Ryan' earlier so that when he said he loved him before he knew it, he'd have some basis for it maybe. I'd also have expected him to be a bit more upset about never seeing his family again and having them think he didn't care enough not to run away. i mean, if his parents and he got along (his brother was a bit of an asshole), i'd expect him to feel badly that he left them with no idea he'd be okay. I'm just making comments I would have if I'd beta read for you. I like your work and would just like to see little parts smoothed out a bit. I really liked the first time he met Jing. It was kinda funny to have an adult being acting a bit like the cat he resembled. He's sweet. I wondered why Xe'Trygg seemed angry when he came in. I like the reversal in him asking Xe' Trygg to be more open. Look forward to where you take it from here.

cannd

This story was good but it has the potential to be better. I'm glad you put the story out there for us to enjoy but I really hope that you go back to to edit and elaborate it. Do that, and it can be great.

As Anon mentioned, it would be great to see more interaction between "Ryan" and Stephan. His love confession would make more sense if there was something to support it from before (e.g maybe while his brother's friends were laughing, Stephan would catch Ryan staring at him. Subtle hints like that help).

I also wish you elaborated on when and how he learned the culture. Not only would it prevent confusion -- as we'll learn as he learns and not be surprised when Stephan is randomly up for the pregnancy -- but will also give us a sense of the amount of time that has passed.

I also wished that you dragged out the amount of time it took for Stephan to accept the culture. For someone who has been terrified of aliens for a long time, I'd expect his uptake to be a but longer. Dragging it out also allows you to build up the setting for your reader and, depending on how you do it, can build the between the characters.

I know that this story has been well developed already (you're already on chapter 2!) but I really do believe that you should go back and make edits. You won't even have to make any major plot changes seeing as how you're already working with such a great thing here.

anyway, thanks so much for sharing this series with us and I hope to see more of your endeavors in the future! Keep it up! ~

I'd be pissed. It's like being mad at someone and expecting them to just know why. Talk dumbass!