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A Debt Paid Ch. 01

byalphomega©
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Comments (4)
by Anonymous

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by Anonymous08/17/12

Hurry

HURRY UP AND CONTINUE PLEASE! I LOVE THIS STORY SO FAR :)

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by Anonymous08/18/12

Omg...keep it going its perfect!!!

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by Gemini176608/18/12

Good idea for a story

I see this as a good idea, story wise. However, the transformation was too fast to be possible by any means. The speed of the transformation goes beyond a reasonable ability to suspend reality. Such a transformation would take time and energy. The amount necessary would have released enough heat to set that car on fire in the time you gave it. Good writing must be believable.

Other than the transformation issue, enjoyable.

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by Anonymous08/19/12

Good so far

I like these kinds of stories but I agree, slower transformation is the best. I usually don't even read stories unless its 3+ pages so for people like me stretch it out, explore character depth. Sex isn't what makes a good story like this, it's how the characters react to what's happening to them. You've got a lot of that but if you slow down the change I think you can get more.

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