Milking Time

Silly

This was just silly. Your grammar isn't horrible which is about the only thing I can say to the positive. I am all for creative license in erotic fiction but 12 viagra would blow out your heart.

Boring

OMG really? No imagination at all. No respect for the craft. No understanding of human sexuality.

There is just no nice way to say this story sucked!!! The huge dicks and totally unrealistic amounts of semen really stunk this up!!! Write something believable and it will be received more positively.

In response

Let me tell all commenters that this is my first story and I am not attempting to write the entire works of Shakespeare. This story is entirely fiction therefore anything can occur. Moreover it is an erotic story and is based on what some people may view as arrousing and to put it plainly jerk off to. If you want perfect literature with an edge read Lord of the Flies, Great Expectations etc and stop commenting like snobs as if it is an actual Holy Goespel when in fact it is a simple story to jerk off to. And really if you are reading on literotica you are looking to be arroused not spiritualy enlightened by the works of Jane Austin.

Have not read anything more stupid than this story...

Idiocy Apparent

Sorry to say but even for a first time story, very bad. You may be well read and versed into the eclectic side of readings and works of literature, still does not make you above the rest. It may be said of your story being a jerk off, but the fact of the matter is that this story is unbelievable, to quick, jerking story line and no plot to really speak of. I'm not a writer myself but I understand that for story writing you have to make the reader believe (if only partially) into the story and keep them captivated. It was so hard to keep reading the story too much of a mess. For future reference make sure you read the story out loud to yourself and also if you get stuck after reading it and it doesn't fell right then you have done it wrong and go back and see what needs to be fixed, this story though needs to be Erased and done over again.

Its BAD

I think you said it best

"FUUUCK WHAT IS THIS SHIT AANGHH."

Just kidding, sort of. The story has imagination to be sure, but it's very disjointed and lacks any sense of believablility. Hey, it was short and kept my attention, and if you enjoying writing it that's fine by me. Don't let the trolls get you down.

I fucking loved it

I know it was unrealistic but it made me sooooo fucking horny this is probably the best story I have read on this whole site, but maybe being tied up and used in a clinic is just a weird fetish of mine ;) PLEASE write more like this!

Might I suggest an editor...

...or at least someone to use as a sounding-board? I actually liked the idea, but the execution fell short. Firstly, you should realize that good erotica is art in itself - please don't degrade it as something less. A story that can illicit one's imagination and emotion to the point of masturbation... Well, obviously the intensity needed varies greatly among readers, but everyone needs something to stir their arousal. You probably thought about this story for awhile, and to include more of the background details probably would have helped a lot.

As for the 18 inch cock, grapefruit sized balls, and 120 litres of cum... -sigh- if you're going to be so obviously fictional, you've got to give readers a reason to follow you there. For instance, make the doctor a bit of a mad scientist who uses some of his own experimental drugs on the victim. Like I said, you've got some imagination, and you could do much better by fleshing out the story and pulling readers into your fantasy world.

Finally, don't let the comments get to you. There's no reason to take these comments as personal attacks, even the obnoxious ones. If you'd like to give it another try and want someone to bounce ideas off, message me. I don't mind giving CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.

woop!woop!

What a nice bit of crazy fun, although I'm sure the dudes are all cringing and covering their privates. I've read plenty of forced lactation that was off the wall. Goose and gander, guys! Writing improves with exercise, so keep writing.

Um I

Sounds toatly plauseable

Really really stupid story.

Viagra would have done nothing to him. Most studies show it to have little or no effect on people not suffering from erectile dysfunction. In fact some athletes use it because they believe it will open their blood vessels and thereby enrich the blood flow to their muscles. So the whole "milking" him thing never happened. Even if it had, once he walked out of the clinic he calls the cops and all involved go to jail. After all, he has the drugs still in his system, including the injection sites that would be visible. The clinic has his sperm so those idiots are about to spend years in jail for kidnapping, illegal restraint, drugging him and other charming charges. The clinic is shut down and he claims millions in the Civil lawsuit. How's that dumbass story working for you now?

Wish there was more of the story. Otherwise it was really good.

Nice try...

Well, you definitely tried and used your imagination, but the thing is that the more unnatural a sex story sounds the less likely it is to be a hit, because the problem is that people cannot co-relate with it.

I hope you understand my point. You have a beautiful imagination and if you use it naturally and positively I am sure you will do much better.

Regards,
Henry Cavendish

I liked it

Not the best story I've read but far from the worst. Not every story needs to follow a cookie cutter formula. The reviews are undeservedly harsh.

A solid first effort!

Don't be discouraged by negative criticism, and just keep writing whatever makes you happy and turns you on. I think you have a great story idea here. And as with all skills, your writing will continue to improve as you continue to practice and write more stories. Thank you for sharing your ideas here!