Completely unrealistic, but hot anyway. There was no build up of a romantic interest between the two siblings prior to the end. Also, the brother seemed like a self absorbed little shit, and would be using his sis for sex. It didn't seem like he would be any better for her than her ex-husbands (emotionally speaking), even if the incest thing wasn't a part of the equation. It was generally well written, and you certainly have a talent for it. Keep writing and you are sure to improve - not that I'm saying it was bad; it was pretty good actually.
G'Day,
If she is on her knees the is not way his balls could be hitting her arse.
That and too many "all of a sudden"s - two within two sentences - didn't help the story; "suddenly" works much better.
Despite that, I really did love the story. Sis really needed a good bloke to love her.
Regards.
Ropeshod
This story would have been a better read had the English been corrected throughout the story. Proofread your posts please. Reading this story is like correcting my son's English paper and he's in fifth grade. It wouldn't take any time to run the story through a spell-check program and correct mistakes.
English
Completely unrealistic
Completely unrealistic, but hot anyway. There was no build up of a romantic interest between the two siblings prior to the end. Also, the brother seemed like a self absorbed little shit, and would be using his sis for sex. It didn't seem like he would be any better for her than her ex-husbands (emotionally speaking), even if the incest thing wasn't a part of the equation. It was generally well written, and you certainly have a talent for it. Keep writing and you are sure to improve - not that I'm saying it was bad; it was pretty good actually.
Spoilt by impossibilities
G'Day,
If she is on her knees the is not way his balls could be hitting her arse.
That and too many "all of a sudden"s - two within two sentences - didn't help the story; "suddenly" works much better.
Despite that, I really did love the story. Sis really needed a good bloke to love her.
Regards.
Ropeshod
Not perfect..maybe...
But a hell of a lot of fun! Thanks for having written it.
Would have been better with correct grammar
This story would have been a better read had the English been corrected throughout the story. Proofread your posts please. Reading this story is like correcting my son's English paper and he's in fifth grade. It wouldn't take any time to run the story through a spell-check program and correct mistakes.
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