Not badly written, but for all the details of the build-up: his job, her clothes, the annoyance of not figuring out the IT problem, the scene was cut-and-run.
I've been chided for being stingy with scenes, and this was too short even for me. Give me a little more; you have potential. The only real typo that jumped at me was 'good for the sole' should be 'soul'. Sole is the bottom of a shoe, etc.
by
Anonymous08/29/12
Gave me a stiffy.
I liked the story. A nice quick read while on break at work. The only thing I would have added would be to describe the scent and taste of her asshole. That adds an even more erotic sense to the scene. I look forward to a continuance of this one. Great work.
English
Too short.
Not badly written, but for all the details of the build-up: his job, her clothes, the annoyance of not figuring out the IT problem, the scene was cut-and-run.
I've been chided for being stingy with scenes, and this was too short even for me. Give me a little more; you have potential. The only real typo that jumped at me was 'good for the sole' should be 'soul'. Sole is the bottom of a shoe, etc.
Gave me a stiffy.
I liked the story. A nice quick read while on break at work. The only thing I would have added would be to describe the scent and taste of her asshole. That adds an even more erotic sense to the scene. I look forward to a continuance of this one. Great work.
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