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His Desire

bysuperfetish101©
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by Anonymous

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by Anonymous08/29/12

You need to edit your story

You have a great story but you need to become a better writer. It's difficult to follow with all of the misspelling and awkward sentences.

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by Anonymous08/30/12

Proof Read

In one part your named the girls name as Olivia, but then when they sit down you call her "Jessica". Simple little mistakes goes along way. Otherwise fairly well written.

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