All Comments on 'A Gift From His Father Ch. 06'

I didn't enjoy it as much as the previous chapters, but that is probably just me. Probably after the next few chapters I'll understand the reason for April being nude to the point of nearly going out the door and coming downstairs in front of her mother. She had been so careful making sure her mother didn't notice the physical changes in her body and now she goes into the kitchen like it is completely normal. I'll probably get flamed by someone because of my views (wouldn't be the first time) but that is one of the things I love about Literotica: the authors want to know what you think. I love the series, just not this chapter so much. Look forward to the next chapter.

duh

Please, please, please either fix the spelling yourself or hand your great stories over to someone to fix for you. I'm really enjoying the series but it is being wasted by mistakes.

A little too short for my taste but interesting... he really wasn't paying attention when L. Ron had taken over at all. A interesting affect that he didn't just scan her memory to see what had been done could have saved himself and her a LOT of trouble but realistic since he is inexperienced . so fr that reason still gave you a 5.

"Cal State Berkley"???? As a graduate of the University of California, Berkeley — aka UCB — I'm gobsmacked. The fourth-best university in the US and it's demoted a CSU campus?!? Some editing, please. The story was just cracking along and you threw that in. Oooph!

I am with the rest of these guys, while the story started out very nicely, this chapter is not to my liking, based on previous chapters he would have had a number of options to minimize the fall out. Hoping the next few chapters make some more sense.

well having L Ron coming out of the Ring and taking over for John was a trip and now he will get to meet his Step Mother and Sisters could be fun and the New house.

You completely lost me with this chapter. "Bring in some more men."?? The story went from enjoyable to completely ridiculous. Why does every story I like turn out this way?

The story is nice up till this chapter.

Even the multiple master's prison/everlife/heaven concept is acceptable.

For the next chapter I would prefer waiting a bit more and have a longer one.

This was ridiculously absurd. Way out of line with the rest of the story. Damn near wrecked it. I hope the next chapter is longer and not written like a horny teen was at the word processor. You had such a good thing going. You may want to consider rewriting this chapter and deleting this version of it. Or add it as a revision.

Also, you forgot about the mugger who took the car AND you had our hero buy a Ford 150 yet he's driving around in a Z.

Do your self a favor and STOP, remove the story from LIT and get an editor. AT LEAST slowly read the story again and this time make an outline of the characters and the PLOT.

Hey I liked the story, I was wondering about some of the stuff the others were saying, but just thought that you would come back to later on. I still would like to read more of this series.

Please Continue!!!!!!

I agree with some of the latest comments. You should delete the latest chapters and rewrite them to fit the great start on your story. These last ones wrecked the whole thing.

then got a bit better, but as the others have said, its now a waste of time and terribly written. I don't understand why the ratings are still high

I think the story has merit spelling etc distracting but I identify with all the characters and took enough time to realise he bought 2 cars and we were finished with the mugger he was a device to show us John's nature. An editor would help

What the fuck's wrong with you man?? Don't you ever read back the shit you have written before posting it? The moment you started with Hubbard, I was done with this crap. I've had enough of this pile of garbage to last me a lifetime.

Yeah it could use a few corrections but is a great story.

I really love this part is series especially the part about L.Ron Hubbard I always thought he was a bit of a loon, nice to know I'm not the only one. he was a great writer but he was flacky as hell (come on scientology)

I would like to read that one. What you have given us has devolved into a pile of nonsensical gibberish.

a young guy with good judgment, compassion, and wisdom beyond his years.

please bring him back and finish what you started.

and, you really need someone to proof read your work before posting!

After reading a few paragraphs of the cartoonish possession by one of the ring's former owners (which I could easily imagine going well with Benny Hill music) I mostly just skipped to the end. The tone and themes of the story were shattered, and I hope the series doesn't venture in this direction again. Also, having John suddenly accept banging his mother and being master of a harem just doesn't fit who he is.

That said, my extreme negative reaction is mostly due to having enjoyed all the previous chapters so much. I'll be crossing my fingers that this was just a strange blip in an otherwise fantastic tale.

This sometimes feels like it was written by someone who is just learning English, so I end up doing the editing on the fly - imagining the way the author meant it... But it would be so much better if I didn't have to interrupt the story by trying to figure out what the author meant to say...

because it is such a long series and so many chapters have been written already, (~30?). But after the last chapter, I can't hold back; I'm just hoping my comments will be moot because the later chapters will be edited, gramatically correct, syntactically coherent and with minimal typos and misspellings. Well, one can hope, anyway.

After reading the bio, I can't help but think the author is misrepresenting some biographical facts and is not a native English speaker, as well.

First, it seems like the author is very inexperienced with the modern world, (Amish or other radically religious, isolated upringing, perhaps?) To wit, I quote:

""Tramp stamp," he said. Using his finger he traced and image on her left cheek and stepped back admiring his work."

I thought a 'tramp stamp' was a tattoo on the low back, and 30 seconds of Internet research confirms my thinking. Other 'slightly off' references, really strange capitalizations, weird grammar and syntax in the first 6 chapters make suspect the author is not really a 50-something male. If they are, if YOU are, to be more pointed, you need to educate yourself about the world, 'fer Christ's sake', get an editor or learn the English language!

It's painful to see raw talent pissed away and time wasted posting this as a finished product.

I also have a bone to pick with Literotica commenters/scorers. How can you 'go ahead and give the story a 5' when a story's plot becomes incoherent, or grammar and spelling is atrocious and/or the language syntax is other worldly?

A '5' should be a great story with lots of well written sex scenes and 99% free of misspellings, grammatical errors and syntax mistakes, along with accuracy in detail and social references.

As I said previously, one can hope.

I don't mean to be rude but this story did a complete one 180 and I'm trying to find out where it all went wrong and I'm strongly leaning towards this entire chapter. why the hell did John slowly lose some of his most outstanding qualities, what the fuck is up with all these new story developments like agents of the ring, April dating some guy I thought she loved John, John suddenly becoming less aprehensive of fucking his mom, (should have waited a few more chapters to do that) his mom I don't even know what happened to her. I don't know how to stress all the things I find unsettling about this. you're story was good up until this point I hope you read the comments your readers make I'm sorry if i was rude or to open with my opinion but what the hell man come on.

Ok, this story started out to be not to bad, the story line up to this point was a good one other than the spelling, grammatical and syntax errors, I agree with the other reviews that this needs a serious review with a volunteer editor. Please author would you at least turn on the spell checker in the word processing program it would help, also read a couple of eighth grade english class text books so that you can structure sentences properly and at least get past and present tenses proper it would have made reading this far easier. Sorry but I would like to finish reading this but I am unable to do so due to all of the errors. If you want to have a better story please have an editor review before publishing, I would be more than happy to volunteer.

fell apart in so many ways that I think it is not even the same author writing some of the chapters. A few grammatical/spelling errors and a decent story line VS. "Ernest goes to Literotica" really indicates that either the author is victim to some tragic calamity...or another types in his/her place.

The basic premise of the story has so much promise, but I've reached chapter 7 with nothing really happening aside from a great deal of sex that is described neither particularly erotically nor with any emotional depth. This is not a turn-on. Combine that with the consistently bad spelling and grammar, and it is like Chinese water torture!

Please, please, involve an editor!

I read this story years ago and think of it still. I am reading it again, and no one is forcing me. John is a vivid character to me. He has interesting relationships. Put aside, critics, your preconceived notions. Those go into your own story. This is a fine story.

Ok... I'm done... so many things with this one that I'm not even going to try to list them... but the writing has suddenly gotten pretty juvenile... and you're treating women as if they're subjects of the dred scott decision.... "call over a couple of horny buds"??? You really... really lost me with that line... see ya... wouldn't wanna be ya...

-jaye-

Ok the girls are doing each other then John fixes his mom and suddenly he has to pull 2 of his "buddies off them brain wipe them and send them home?seems like you got a little lazy with this chapter dude.

Curious if more cult leaders are in that prison.

As much as this chapter may have been necessary to the further development of the story line, it was A REAL BUMMER! Passing on to hopefully something better!

Your ideas and plots are entertaining, but you need to take more time to proofread your writing to rid it of tense shifts, wrong words and tons of grammatical errors. Johnny's powers have gone overboard, too. The story was more interesting when he kept things under control.

A Gift From His Father Ch. 06 Pg 1 There are so many errors in this one page that it makes me want to find a different story to read, one by an author that takes the time to do a decent job of writing. I don't know how many readers you have but you owe it to them to go back and clean this mess up, and make it readable. Personally I would be ashamed to submit something this bad to be read by others. Hopefully by now you have matured enough to do a decent job of writing and are capable of cleaning this up. I think that I will finish this chapter and move on to another writer, maybe in the future I will check your submissions page to see if you have edited your stories and fixed them to be readable but for now you aren't worth following.

Anony Mous

PS As I finished this chapter I realized the writing was getting worse. I think you've been reading the favorable comments from immature readers and it has gone to your head, you should pay more attention to the constructive criticism: get an editor to proofread your work and fix it before posting, go back and edit your posted works so that you seem to be a mature and capable writer. Personally I'm going to pass on your stories till I see that you're cleaning up the mess you've created.

A M

what is this chapter and where the plot and characters have taken, I have not even finished reading. sorry, but goodbye.

You just keep getting worse. Concept and the start was good. Too much detail on certain things and barely any on others. I pushed past that. It just keeps getting dumber. Now some ring ghost taken control. I’m sure he going to do crazy shit to mom and April will come in and either do bad stuff to her or she will run forcing John to do something that makes the ring mad. Everything else added on top of ghost control, possible mom rape, I can’t keep reading. You can do better than this. It might get better but I can’t read any more to find out.

Full of typos, impossible to read. Story has turned into rubbish

Learn how bra sizing works! Please!

Your storyline started off pretty good but it’s slowly going downhill also you really really need someone to edit each chapter before you post it. ⭐️⭐️⭐️

You really need to pay attention to your grammar and spelling. So many hes when they should be she's Mischaracterization of people, etc. It almost made the story worthless

Some strange word choices, disembowelled instead of disembodied and processed rather than possessed to name just two.

As much as I would like to continue with this story, I can’t. The grammatical errors make it nearly impossible to follow the plot. There are too many well written stories on Lit to warrant continuing any further with this.

This story really is going to the dogs - its crap now, to be honest.

You've made it so complicated and added so many characters that it seems that even you don't know where you're heading. We, as readers, most definitely have no idea of the story theme any more as the story lurches from one load of weirdness to another.

And the typos and grammatical errors seem to be compounding - where there were just a few, now there seem to be errors on most lines.

Getting hard to read - lord knows why I've read so far...but even so, I might just stick with you for a few more chapters in the somewhat wishful hope that things will improve.

I have to stop here. This story is just all over the place now. And this beta MC now going back on his own principles with nothing other than to further a plot point. If this passes for western male heroes and this is what young men actually look up to, the Sons of Adam are doomed.

Can even one person write a harem story without incest? Or mind control / reluctance with out incest? what is wrong with you people?

Get an Editor

Stop using a spellchecker, find someone who knows how to spell to proofread so that they can change the wrong words correctly spelled for the actual words you mean in context

Breast is a singular noun. When ther are more than one, they are BREASTS.

The story is fun and entertaining. The fun is interrupted each time there is an obvious misspelling, or grammatical mistake. For your readers, please correct these!

and yet another Wow! and again lots of typos, but a compelling story, ... and poor April has a number post mental take-over commands yet to overcome, ... help John! ... but at least her 'Bimbo' tramp stamp was removed, ... ;-) TTFN

Yeah - what Aussie1951 & Chris7sw said.

This whole story was crap to begin with. Chris7sw just took this long to figure it out. I called you out on the mother/son incest card at the very beginning. 🙄

I will give you credit for the whole L. Ron Hubbard gag. That was hilarious. 🤣 😆 😂 But I'm still downrating each and every chapter with a 1/5.

The cuck is strong in this one. Too many betas nowadays.

Good job, thanks for sharing your work!

Don't like the incest part, never found it nice also think the guy is way too much into sex and not on the other powers of the ring

I never liked Hubbard. He was a cheap hack and never deserved anyone remembering him. Aside from creating Scientology on a drunken bet and getting away with it, he never did anything. PLease arrange some special punishment for him.

This story has become absolutely horrible. It would be understandable if it weren't trying to fake being a story, but it's about as good a forgery as a teenager with a fake ID. No plot, just big boobs and incest. At this point it's not even erotica: it just reads like an immature teenager obsessed with sex, word vomiting the dumbest fantasies his twisted mind (in a bad way) can come up with. It has no taste, is not salvageable at this point, and the author needs to see a therapist. It's sad because the premise has so much promise if it weren't for the incest, extreme sexualization (in an immature, detracting manner), and the complete and utter destruction at what once was the possibility of a plot.

12 years after publication you probably know by now that there is no “Cal State Berkley” and the nearest hills to Mountain View are to the west, not the east—unless you count those across S.F. Bay. Berkeley is part of the University of California, not the State University system.

“April made plans to attend Cal State Berkley in the fall, although she wasn't sure what to major in, she knew that medicine wasn't a consideration.”