A Gift From His Father Ch. 06

ok

I didn't enjoy it as much as the previous chapters, but that is probably just me. Probably after the next few chapters I'll understand the reason for April being nude to the point of nearly going out the door and coming downstairs in front of her mother. She had been so careful making sure her mother didn't notice the physical changes in her body and now she goes into the kitchen like it is completely normal. I'll probably get flamed by someone because of my views (wouldn't be the first time) but that is one of the things I love about Literotica: the authors want to know what you think. I love the series, just not this chapter so much. Look forward to the next chapter.

read it agatn

duh

Spelling

Please, please, please either fix the spelling yourself or hand your great stories over to someone to fix for you. I'm really enjoying the series but it is being wasted by mistakes.

short

A little too short for my taste but interesting... he really wasn't paying attention when L. Ron had taken over at all. A interesting affect that he didn't just scan her memory to see what had been done could have saved himself and her a LOT of trouble but realistic since he is inexperienced . so fr that reason still gave you a 5.

WTF!!!

"Cal State Berkley"???? As a graduate of the University of California, Berkeley — aka UCB — I'm gobsmacked. The fourth-best university in the US and it's demoted a CSU campus?!? Some editing, please. The story was just cracking along and you threw that in. Oooph!

Good story, bad chapter?

I am with the rest of these guys, while the story started out very nicely, this chapter is not to my liking, based on previous chapters he would have had a number of options to minimize the fall out. Hoping the next few chapters make some more sense.

Twists

well having L Ron coming out of the Ring and taking over for John was a trip and now he will get to meet his Step Mother and Sisters could be fun and the New house.

You completely lost me with this chapter. "Bring in some more men."?? The story went from enjoyable to completely ridiculous. Why does every story I like turn out this way?

Waiting for the next long chapter!

The story is nice up till this chapter.

Even the multiple master's prison/everlife/heaven concept is acceptable.

For the next chapter I would prefer waiting a bit more and have a longer one.

what a step backwards

This was ridiculously absurd. Way out of line with the rest of the story. Damn near wrecked it. I hope the next chapter is longer and not written like a horny teen was at the word processor. You had such a good thing going. You may want to consider rewriting this chapter and deleting this version of it. Or add it as a revision.

The first couple of chapters were pretty good. The last four have degenerated into gibberish.

Also, you forgot about the mugger who took the car AND you had our hero buy a Ford 150 yet he's driving around in a Z.

Do your self a favor and STOP, remove the story from LIT and get an editor. AT LEAST slowly read the story again and this time make an outline of the characters and the PLOT.

I liked it

Hey I liked the story, I was wondering about some of the stuff the others were saying, but just thought that you would come back to later on. I still would like to read more of this series.

Continue

Please Continue!!!!!!

Agree

I agree with some of the latest comments. You should delete the latest chapters and rewrite them to fit the great start on your story. These last ones wrecked the whole thing.

started off with some merit but poor editing..

then got a bit better, but as the others have said, its now a waste of time and terribly written. I don't understand why the ratings are still high

Keep Trying

I think the story has merit spelling etc distracting but I identify with all the characters and took enough time to realise he bought 2 cars and we were finished with the mugger he was a device to show us John's nature. An editor would help

What the fuck's wrong with you man?? Don't you ever read back the shit you have written before posting it? The moment you started with Hubbard, I was done with this crap. I've had enough of this pile of garbage to last me a lifetime.

Yeah it could use a few corrections but is a great story.

L.Ron Hubbard

I really love this part is series especially the part about L.Ron Hubbard I always thought he was a bit of a loon, nice to know I'm not the only one. he was a great writer but he was flacky as hell (come on scientology)

Please tell me where the story you started is

I would like to read that one. What you have given us has devolved into a pile of nonsensical gibberish.
a young guy with good judgment, compassion, and wisdom beyond his years.
please bring him back and finish what you started.

and, you really need someone to proof read your work before posting!

Kinda late to the party on this series but...

After reading a few paragraphs of the cartoonish possession by one of the ring's former owners (which I could easily imagine going well with Benny Hill music) I mostly just skipped to the end. The tone and themes of the story were shattered, and I hope the series doesn't venture in this direction again. Also, having John suddenly accept banging his mother and being master of a harem just doesn't fit who he is.

That said, my extreme negative reaction is mostly due to having enjoyed all the previous chapters so much. I'll be crossing my fingers that this was just a strange blip in an otherwise fantastic tale.

Editor???

This sometimes feels like it was written by someone who is just learning English, so I end up doing the editing on the fly - imagining the way the author meant it... But it would be so much better if I didn't have to interrupt the story by trying to figure out what the author meant to say...

I've been refraining from comment in the initial chapters

because it is such a long series and so many chapters have been written already, (~30?). But after the last chapter, I can't hold back; I'm just hoping my comments will be moot because the later chapters will be edited, gramatically correct, syntactically coherent and with minimal typos and misspellings. Well, one can hope, anyway.

After reading the bio, I can't help but think the author is misrepresenting some biographical facts and is not a native English speaker, as well.

First, it seems like the author is very inexperienced with the modern world, (Amish or other radically religious, isolated upringing, perhaps?) To wit, I quote:
""Tramp stamp," he said. Using his finger he traced and image on her left cheek and stepped back admiring his work."

I thought a 'tramp stamp' was a tattoo on the low back, and 30 seconds of Internet research confirms my thinking. Other 'slightly off' references, really strange capitalizations, weird grammar and syntax in the first 6 chapters make suspect the author is not really a 50-something male. If they are, if YOU are, to be more pointed, you need to educate yourself about the world, 'fer Christ's sake', get an editor or learn the English language!

It's painful to see raw talent pissed away and time wasted posting this as a finished product.

I also have a bone to pick with Literotica commenters/scorers. How can you 'go ahead and give the story a 5' when a story's plot becomes incoherent, or grammar and spelling is atrocious and/or the language syntax is other worldly?

A '5' should be a great story with lots of well written sex scenes and 99% free of misspellings, grammatical errors and syntax mistakes, along with accuracy in detail and social references.

As I said previously, one can hope.

What the hell.

I don't mean to be rude but this story did a complete one 180 and I'm trying to find out where it all went wrong and I'm strongly leaning towards this entire chapter. why the hell did John slowly lose some of his most outstanding qualities, what the fuck is up with all these new story developments like agents of the ring, April dating some guy I thought she loved John, John suddenly becoming less aprehensive of fucking his mom, (should have waited a few more chapters to do that) his mom I don't even know what happened to her. I don't know how to stress all the things I find unsettling about this. you're story was good up until this point I hope you read the comments your readers make I'm sorry if i was rude or to open with my opinion but what the hell man come on.

Was almost a good story until.......

Ok, this story started out to be not to bad, the story line up to this point was a good one other than the spelling, grammatical and syntax errors, I agree with the other reviews that this needs a serious review with a volunteer editor. Please author would you at least turn on the spell checker in the word processing program it would help, also read a couple of eighth grade english class text books so that you can structure sentences properly and at least get past and present tenses proper it would have made reading this far easier. Sorry but I would like to finish reading this but I am unable to do so due to all of the errors. If you want to have a better story please have an editor review before publishing, I would be more than happy to volunteer.

This Story

fell apart in so many ways that I think it is not even the same author writing some of the chapters. A few grammatical/spelling errors and a decent story line VS. "Ernest goes to Literotica" really indicates that either the author is victim to some tragic calamity...or another types in his/her place.

I give up!

The basic premise of the story has so much promise, but I've reached chapter 7 with nothing really happening aside from a great deal of sex that is described neither particularly erotically nor with any emotional depth. This is not a turn-on. Combine that with the consistently bad spelling and grammar, and it is like Chinese water torture!

Please, please, involve an editor!