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English
BS
Crap
Kelly? Sally?
The story started on a Saturday. Now he's getting Friday off for a long weekend.
Pay attention to detail.
If you'd read the story
Kelly & Sally are two different people (explained)).
And it is the following week - as in "I haven't had a good workout since Tuesday"
Don't Stop!
It seems to me you've got a pretty good story series going on here and it would be a shame to stop it at only two chapters. Surely you could continue on the adventures of Kelly, Peter, and even Steph if you wanted. It's too good not to continue.
Abrupt Ending
What about the rest of that long weekend? The extra days off seemed like powerful foreshadowing...
Fantastic!
Absolutely fantastic story! Really enjoyed the ending! Wish there was more to the story...
more development
Very good storyline but needs developed more and you obviously have the skill to do it. A thought now Kelly and Steph seduce the wife.
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