All Comments on 'King's Bay'

It reminds me of the odysee.

Even the names are the same only shortened.

Is there a second part?

Great Story, I hope there is a part two.

You write so well; another gem of a romance with an interesting current drifting along underneath the physical here and now of the attraction between them. The hot coals scene makes a great metaphor of crossing the barrier when deciding not to go home again. Fear not Diz, home will always be there, but it is true that you can never really go back again. I tried and it just doesn't work, looked the same, but time changes everything.

A nice story but with an unfinished ending. The lack of conclusion keeps it hanging in the air. There are too many loose ends that need to be tied up: who is Callie really? Why the empty beach? What’s with the coals and fetish? The story definitely needs a conclusion. Please write one.

As a son of Buffalo NY who's been lucky enough to transport to Keuka Lake in the fingerlakes, I was immediately drawn in by the character's proximity to my little slice of heaven. I didn't mind when the story transplanted out to California... after all... summer story, I understand.

But the ending leaves a bit to be desired, especially when Diz thinks to himself "I didn't need Ithaca anymore." It's greatly in contrast to the opening of the story where the character has so much pride in his hometown in central NY. It feels a little bit discontinuous. The sexual encounter with a blonde beach babe changes his whole perception on life?

In addition, I've gone firewalking a few times in my life (walking on hot coals) and it's a hugely spiritual act. It's the kind of thing that really honestly does change you, but in the closing sentences of the story Callie just glides across them? Also there's no mention of if Diz does or not... just saying that he walked to the water.

I feel like you have an A+ story with a C- ending. I mean absolutely no offense by this comment and this is one of the best stories I've read in a while, but the ending really sort of seems like it was rushed. Honestly if I can give my own constructive criticism,

I'd say either revisit the ending or cut the story off before you get to the paragraph that starts with, "My own sleep was restless and full of dreams. I couldn't remember them, but..."

Either way, great story up to that point.

I loved it. If only Homer had been this adept at erotica, it would have made reading the Odyssey a LOT more fun.

As for the grumblings about the ending, perhaps it would help to differentiate between serials and short stories. This one meets the traditional requirements: the main character was introduced and developed, he encountered conflict, and as a result he grew and changed. There was a clear resolution---Dizzy is going to stay with Calypso. Any further developments would have been baggage. Since many short stories leave the nature of the resolution up to the reader, those who crave happy endings come out ahead here. Given the myth from which "King's Bay" draws, we came out way ahead. (Although, to be fair, the classical Penelope had a lot more going for her than Dizzy's Penny.)

Plus there's the theme of Summer Lovin'. This story has that dreamy, tropical sensuality in spades. Congrats, Pennlady, on a wonderful tale.

should've been placed in erotic horror. the reason men never stay is they drown when they follow the mermaid in to the sea.

cant decide if the ending is happy or sad. I feel kinda sad after reading this. :( good story though, but then again i love everything you write. I have never read oddyssey so i don't get the references. :(

You've hinted Callie was a mermaid--at least that's what I think you intended. The ending was bittersweet if she really was.

Anyway, I enjoyed it. Good luck in the contest.

Beautiful take on a classic. I kept thinking I recognize Callie but couldn't place her till I read another reader's comment about Calypso and it all came crashing back in my memory from 11th grade English class.

I do think the ending was a little too short but not because it left any strings. I like the open endings. I just wish we'd gotten to see more of his decision to walk the coals and a little of the spiritual side of that kind of decision.

Wow! Now I see why a friend said to read this... well written... seduced by a true siren.

exceeds every expectation! You should be very proud of this entry, I hope you win

Nice feel-good story condensed well into 4 Lit pages. A tad predictable maybe, but still engaging. Well done ma'am, hope your story does well in the contest.

but I enjoyed it. And I really hope there are more hockey stories coming!

I really enjoyed this! Relationships are sometimes as restless the waves and I sense some of that ebb and flow here. Natural and true. Nice job!

Very enjoyable tale Pennlady! Great use of geography and mythology, subtleties written into this piece that were very clever.

A different type of work and I applaud your skill and spreading your wings.

Good luck in the voting!

~Airdrie

Damnit i cant believe it took me until page 3 to realize she was fate in her youngest form! Argh! Great story. If there is anything to complain about it's that its too short!

I had a love-hate with Ithaca during my years at Cornell, but now I love it. And oh! You threw a curve ball, Lady, with Odysseus (Diz) and Penny (Penelope) and Manny (Menelaus) and of course Callie (Calypso). Great plot, and I liked the ending. Let the reader use their brains. Life has loose ends too. SA Penn Lady, you rule!

I wish I had read this during the contest then my 5 vote would have had more importance. I liked the ending, not all neatly tied up and packaged. You let us, the readers, decide if it is a happy ending or something else. Now I must go read some of your other submissions.

I love your choice of classic Greek mythology based throughout this script. Thank you for reminding me of the longings of my life.

nice good ending although puzzling

i relly like this but i need the whole story. please finish

something magical is going on but just what we will never know or need to know....an incredible story of love between them and almost sounds as if she is a mermaid.....wow....loved it....incredible imagination...

The classics never had it so good! PennLady - some writers just have "it" - yep, you are one of them. I have now read all of your stories currently published here - please don't make us wait too long for another!

Call me nuts, but yeah, it did. I had a deja vu feeling when Diz realized that time was moving too fast. Very well written, and a good ending too. It wasn't something that I expected while reading this.

I love the way you describe Callie, and the myticism surrounding King's Bay. Well written and precise. Didn't have the chance to vote back then, but here's a well deserved 5* from me.

Thank you so much for sharing this great piece. :)

Bard.