All Comments on 'Paradise Bound Ch. 01'

once they're over 18 or is no longer a virgin

than this second time round.

I read this first, then compared it to the Katy story. Characters' actions are much more consistent with your set up, and the father/daughter relationship was much better here (and I agreed with the comment about it being a bit creepy in the Katy story). Derrick is more of a turn on than Mike, too. The stuff you cut from the first version was erotic (and enjoyable), but this version is more well written. Looking forward to reading your other stories. Keep posting!

The characters work much better in this version. Still think the nude photograph she leaves him is a trifle wild, but Derrick treats her with far more respect than Mike showed Katy and cutting the public display at the party helps the story enormously.

Did great he was bossy but repect her that she trusted him to give her gift to me and he did off the guy.you did great