Hearts of Warriors Ch. 18

Way to go!!!

Like Always I look forward to the rest :)

Fantastic!

Can't wait for the next chapter!

Fantastic !!!!!!!

But way to short! Your writing is so good that I easily get caught up in the story, and before I know it, it's over. I feel like I only read 3 paragraphs. Lol

Can't wait for more more more !

Nicole

GAH!!

Once again, you've managed to put us through a whirlwind of emotions in a remarkably short period of time. I alternated between joy and terror, sympathy and rage in a matter of minutes. Your heart stopping stories always leave us wanting more. While I can't wait for the next few chapters, I will definitely be sad to see the end of this book.You can't leave so much unanswered! I hope you plan on resolving some of our questions before leaving us hanging for months on end :P (though i must give my heartfelt wishes of success to you in your endeavour to publish this AMAZING series)

- what of karn and elina?
- kothi's 'monster'?
- dara and kothi?
- the development of new magical abilities within the hybrids?
- will kal take his place as rightful alpha to the varcolac and their mates?
- where will the new 'pack' settle?
- what of mac and lily's child?
- will their offspring be as different from the hybrids as kothi? or is that due to gard being one of the triumvirate?
- what of liam and reasa?
- we haven't heard of pietro in a long while...
- is loretta really going to get pregnant again?
- what role will the praetorians have now in the lives of the hybrids?
- who is kallum's mate?

wow. looking at this list i realized how much we have left to discover in this series, and how incredibly talented you are to have sucked us in so completely. please give us some closure before scampering off to rewrite/edit the FTI saga for publishing.
Forever an FTI follower,
allygirl08

End to Begin Again

Ok so all good stories must come to an end for the next great masterpiece to begin, but I hate it when one of your stories ends. I have such an attachment to each character and feel that I will loose the closeness although that has yet to happen. So with much interpretation I know that the happy ending is coming only to bring way to the next great struggle. Back to this happy ending. Mac and Lily and the baby will be fine. Andrei won't kill Mac nor will anyone else. As for Rafe and his position that is yet to be known. But whatever you do I know I will more than happy and agree that you ended this storyline at just the right time.

LOL @ the ending :P [Kothi & Kal's reaction]

I was hoping the poison would have an greater effect on Liam.
Nevertheles, I really enjoyed the action of this chapter.
I am sad to hear that this epic story is coming to a close.
But it was one of the best stories I have ever read in such a long time.
~5 stars~

excellent chapter

poor Liam what a mate for him to have . i am glad that Lilly is safe can not wait to read the next chapter

Wow, what a save!

Of course, Reasa would be somebody's mate! It gives you more story material! ;)

Awesome

it was so the right spot to leave us at and to pick up in another story, and i for one can't wait to read it, and definitely can't wait to buy this when you start to publish these stories. Keep up the excellent work hun..

Donna

bravo....

I know you have only 2 chapters left but please make them juicy.

Liam and a murderer...who knew?
*****

Kothari is my fav! He so sarcastic and as dry witted as me....

It figures that Kothari would laugh at that bit of news!!!

Very,very good! Can't wait for the next part,so please don't keep us waiting to long,please!!!

At first I wasn't.....

sure if Reasa was going to be Kallum's mate or Liam's mate, but it was a great surprise!! Your stories are both AWESOME and AMAZING.....I loved reading each and every one of them!! Now I can't wait for your future stories starring every one of the Vârcolac kids.....especially Elina's story and, also, Kothi's story!! You are a very talented writer and I am glad to have stumbled upon your masterpieces!!! :)

Ah Jaz you've done it again!

You've posted yet another brilliant chapter leaving us craving more! Shouldn't Gard,Annie and Caleb be able to read Reasa's mind and get all the info they need for Gard and Ray to use when the go to Europe?

Omg

You give me orgasms its so good. No sex needed. I love you. Please hurry and get to Kothi

And

Maybe Kal and Kothie along with Raine should go to Europe since the poison doesn't effect them, although I can't see Gard wanting to stay behind.LOL

Just another thought

Couldn't they make an antidote out of the Vârcolac blood since they are immune?

Hooked!

I still come in OFTEN to see if you have posted a new ch. Thank you! You never fail to deliver in your stories and you never know what direction they will take. I really hope you get published because I LOVE your stories. You are definitely one of my favourite authors.

LOVEDDDD!

wow i rlly loved this chapter, haven't gotten this excited about reading in a while. please continue posting. thank you

Just AWESOME

This was DEFINITELY one of the BEST submissions in this story! I have been waiting forever for it and it was well worth it! I was jumping up and down the whole time I was reading it! Can't wait for the next submission! Please make it fast and a little longer than this one. Keep up the GREAT work Jaz!!

Nice Follow Up

Well worth the wait Jaz, U Go Girl!!! Didn't see the Liam-Reesa mate connection coming, so that was a great twist. I knew Lily & the baby would survive, so that wasn't a concern of mine. You show your wonderful talent off again in a very good chapter.

Blessed Be

Characterization and word-choice

You're using the same words to describe all of your characters. There's no differentiation between Mac, Karn, Kallum or Elina. They're all filled with furious fury while infuriating one another; the expressed emotions come off as repetitive and silly (I swear I've written that exact same paragraph to describe one of your earlier works).

There are literally dozens of on-line resources you can pull from to diversify the vocabulary you use when writing. Type "on-line dictionary" or "on-line Thesaurus" into Google.

You've dropped way to many lawl drama-bombs to close together. Granted, it was a given that the European vampire was someone's mate and that would have to come out eventually but you also Foreshadowed a relationship between Elina and Karn (mate or not is still up in the air but I'm leaning towards mate) as well as making Kallum a new Alpha and turning Kothari into an emo mooning over Dara.

Huge character gap concerning Raine and Gard. Gard is the overly-concerned, overly-protective one while Raine is the teasing, playful one. Totally reversed their rolls. Wasn't Gard just concerned for Raine's safety not 30 seconds before? Lacy seems to have misplaced her personality entirely for the duration of this chapter.

Swearing should not make up the entirety of the vernacular of a being who has walked the planet for 1k + years. They don't have to be cultured or sophisticated but you would think 1k years would increase their vocabulary to the point where "fuck" and "shit" are not their only go-to words.

Increasing dialog between your characters would be a great way to flesh out characterization. When they speak it gives us an insight into their thought process making them more likable and real. This chapter all we got was everyone was scared, then mad, then relieved. The individual characters aren't expressing individualized emotions. I get that they all love each other and they were all scared when Lily fell (which was a dumb ploy to eat up 10 word processing pages) but Liam's mini-drama should have provoked different emotions entirely.

The tear-jerking drama is starting to lose its impact and appeal because it's all you do. There's not enough happy to balance out the sad. You can't expect to provoke a strong, negative emotional response through the entirety of your story. I understand that soap-operas operate on that premise but you're going to end up either alienating or burning out a large portion of your readership that way.

It's getting to the point where I only read your new offerings because of how much time I've invested into reading the rest of it. I'm interested to see what other readers have to say about this point so I'll check back in a couple of days.

I wish you well on your literary journey.

Love Love Love Love!!

This chapter had me on edge the entire read, little shorter than I'd like but its good to know there are 2 more not far away. I enjoy all your stories and find them a great read! Im impatient for everyones stories to play out .... Cant wait to get into the others, hopefully all in the next story? Thanks again for the fantasic read :)

Fun?

I'd have to agree with much of what Likes2Read said... In fact I've said many of those things to Jaz in private messages.

The character/personality flipping is a new one, but I agree on that too.

The worst for me was a a few chapters back when the biggest and baddest of the vampires suddenly grew boobs and a womb so he could literally nurse his sick friend back to health. BLECH.

All that said, though, this was still a fun chapter. Maybe I just like the action scenes.

Oh, and that reminds me... Based on what we know of Jaz's vampires, I think Liam would have to weigh many tons for the vampire to be unable to get out from under him. That was kind of ridiculous.

I'm glad this story was updated but it kinda feels like I'm going in circles a bit. I can agree with some of the other comments made, some of its just not making sense. Personalities have changed and it feels like somethings are being repeated.

I do like this story and all the others before it but its slowly starting to loose its appeal. I can't say its the time between the posts that's getting me but more like what's being added to the story.

"good work"!!!!!!

some ppl have a lot of nerve,putting up those long ass no good comment,....here a little advice.. before you think about killing someone because of their hard work ,stab your SELF first or take the time you took to write that long selfish comment, to write a story of your own.

PS :A job well done jazz

love it

i love all your works wish i could put you in a room to write just for me lol please continue expressing your talent and all those who have a problem with your work should take themselves and go write an read their own stories!!

JazzCullen....

You are an evil genius of the highest proportions! And that is about the highest compliment I can ever give.

WOW!!!

That was an action packed update, even if it was a little shorter than I would have liked. I can't say I'm surprised that Reasa turned out to be Liam's mate. I pretty much saw that one coming, but I still wish she hadn't been. I was kind of hoping Caleb would get to take her head off!!! I'm sure that if anyone can find a way to redeem her though, it will be you.

As for the few naysayers out there, I suggest you tune them out for the most part. You're a wonderful writer, and this is coming from someone who reads alot of books. Besides, you have a lot more fans than you do critics, and anyway you know what they say about opinions....

I'm sorry to hear that this story is ending, but excited to see what will come next. I've become very intrigued by Kothi and just what's going on with him, and I'm just dying for you to tell more of Pietro's story!!!

Awesome as always

You never disappoint but wow. This chapter was incredible. I can even forgive you last chapters cliffhanger after this. ;) Thank you.

gurrrl

YASSS

Oh Wow!

I almost had a heart attack with the cliffhanger you left us with last chapter, but thank you for such a wonderful continuation! An awesome chapter.

Simply amazing

I must say another awesome chapter can't wait for the next chapter.

This "MATE" thing

TOTALLY ROCKS....... I love this!

Next chapter please

@ hakdrakken

Have I lost my memory? Who are you referring to when you wrote:

(The worst for me was a a few chapters back when the biggest and baddest of the vampires suddenly grew boobs and a womb so he could literally nurse his sick friend back to health. BLECH.)

I don't remember anyone growing boobs. Did I miss a chapter, or we're you being facetious about Demitri becoming emotional over Pietro?

Thank you!

The wait was very hard, but worth it in the end as always. Thanks again!

GASP

Omg this had got to be the most twists and turns you have ever done and I love it I have been reading from the very begining and I feel like I know these people keep it up and thanks for all your hard work

Simply, you're the best there is!!!!!

Jaz, to say you're the best is an understatement. Your stories are full of life, and sadly, there are people on this site who don't understand that. I now stand in line if you do get a publisher, I will buy the first copy. Your talent and story telling needs to be shared with the world as a whole, not just us. To say I thing you're a fabulous writer, is also an understatement. One day, far, far away, you will be replaced. I however think that the writer who takes your spot as the greatest of all time, will not hold a candle to the joy that you bring us. I am truly blessed to call you my friend, and please for the helpless on this site, don't forget us. It would be a blessing to have you post a few stories, once you become famous that is.

thank you sincerly

the wait was overbearing but u came through in the end and as usual u did not disappoint..........u are a blessing

couldn't say it better

Yeah gotta agree with Kal "Oh Fuck"! THis is freakin getting good lady! Can not wait to see how this will work it's way out for all involved!

oh yeah...

Kothi's a badass.

you sly dog (wolf, w/e)

*reads Liam's plea*: "Save her."
...
you didn't...
*gets to next page*
You tricky bastard, you did.

All is forgiven,

Just no more cliff hangers for awhile PLEASE!!!!
I even lifted the curse, but I am keeping it handy for the next time.

Very Nice

Karn not being able to push away Liam is a problem!

5 Stars :)

I loved it ;)

Sad this has to End

But I am anxious to read about the next generation.
Pietro is my favorite character out of the whole bunch.
Thanks for sharing your imagination with us Jaz.

Now, before you get on your soap boxes...

To the person/people over zealously championing Jaz, know that before I wrote this second post, I contacted her asking for permission. She is open to CONSTRUCTIVE criticism and realizes that there are areas of her writing that need work. That said, let the free-flow of ideas begin!

While Jaz is extremely good at invoking an emotional response, and driving plot forward through her narrative ability, her word-choice and characterization are lacking. If you look at all of the vampires 2k + years old, they've all been described as having completely different personalities but their dialog sounds as if it's coming from the same mouth.

Threats and swearing make up an enormous chunk of the vernacular used throughout the series. Threats are not only used in terms of danger to another person or group of people but also in a teasing, playful way. Caleb, Demetri, Rafe, Gard, Mac, Karn, Andrei especially and to a lesser extent Alexi all use threats in their normal thought and speech patterns.

Jaz relies on her narrative voice to force the story forward. Because everything is said from the omni-potent third-person perspective, the characters don't have to speak or interact much if she doesn't want them to. This causes a lack of character building.

I'm usually pretty good about being able to figure out what motivates a character but Mac and Karn are complete blanks. Vampires are generally self-serving, egotistical and prideful. Why would they help protect a few babies? Is there an incentive to doing so outside of the "protect the babies, protect the future" arguement?

Share your thoughts and ideas in a constructive manner; it'll help make her story better than it already is. Something you say may spark a plot idea or back-story for one of her characters. Jaz is currently looking into publishing options, help her make her story as good as it can be before she makes that leap. It could mean the difference between a few hundred sales and a few hundred-thousand sales.

P.S. I'm currently writing a novel-length story myself and the first installment should be posted within the next couple of weeks. Because I do have first-hand experience as to how much work goes into writing a story, I want to help her anyway I can. "You're the greatest author ever Jaz, sign my chest" isn't going to get her a publishing deal. "Loved the emotion but I wish your characters would talk more" might just.

Please hurry!!!!!!!!

I agree with Likes2ReadErotica

I agree, constructive criticism is great, it's like fine-tuning an instrument.

As for the critiques put forth by Likes2ReadErotica, I agree with the motivation perspective. For vampires who are by nature self-serving, I find it odd that they are willing to put forth so much blood, sweat and sacrifice into protecting individuals who are no more than a friend's friend's offspring (e.g., Mac -> Demetri -> Rhianna -> Rafe...etc). What's fuelling their need to protect? Where is their drive coming from?

I'm not sure I completely agree with their vocabulary. The threats and swearing come out naturally in Jaz's writing because in real life, that is how some people talk. There isn't a lot of substance in regular conversation. However, I do agree that building up more casual conversations will add more colour to the story and, as Likes2ReadErotica says, build character. So you don't lose anything by not having it, but you will gain much more by adding different styles of verbal communication and you will showcase yourself as a writer who is able to impersonate various styles of speaking.

I would caution though, to be careful not to lose the substance in your narrative voice. It is wonderful, so that should be maintained, but balanced with dialogue. It might help to start a little at a time, adding splashes of unique dialogue here and there before building it.

On the same note, yes, the characters all do seem to end up with the same type of speech patterns. It could go both ways, though. One could say that after so many years of living, the speech patterns tend to fall into the same rut as a result. However, it would be more interesting if you could throw in a 2K+ vampire who still clings to his/her birth period of speaking. Once again, more colour to the story.

All that aside, I will continue to be the 'You're-the-greatest-author-ever-Jaz-sign-my-chest! ' type of fan ;P