All Comments on 'Not As Naive As You Think Ch. 01'

You're onto a good start. Hope you are encouraged enough to keep up with your writing. Looking forward to reading the rest of your story.

except for one BIG fucking mistake: "gunna gunna gunna gunna". *shudders*

Keep going and quickly!!!

I like the premise. I feel I can predict what will happen next, and yet I can't, keep it going please.

There is a difference between your and you're and you used the wrong one among many other errors, and gunna annoyed the crap out of me, you have a good premise for a story however you really do need to execute it better, preferably with an editor.

I really liked it, however the grammar and spelling mistakes were distracting. So far the premise is really good though, i'll be reading the next few chapters!

Plz continue.very nice beginning.........dont stop posting.......grammatical mistakes don't matter

because the whole "gunna" thing is really the problem i see with this. keep on writing!

Thank you for all your comments. I didn't realize I said 'gunna' that many times. Yeah that was pretty bad. I guess I understand why it's important to re-read. Anyway, thanks again and I'll try to get the next chapter out very soon.

I like the fact that there is intrigue right from the beginning. The spelling and grammar . . . . beh! Don't worry about it. Find you an editor and that problem is solved. My advice is to take your time. Don't be afraid to take things slowly and let the story develop instead of trying to hurry the next chapter. It is an easy mistake to make. But keep on writing!

I liked it too and can't wait for the next chapter. I liked the intrigue right from the get go as well. I found the names a little distracting because of the back and forth between nicknames and formal names. Good job!

I was hooked by the.first paragraph!

Good start, hoping to see more!

You've set up Asena and Kiara very well, and I can't wait to see what Wesley is. Both the ladies are very funny and endearing in their different ways. :)

for your first time posting a story on Lit. Now bring on the next chapter and let's see how this story rolls. Great job!

Oh no no no .. you cant leave it there!! ..Will this story continue as it started with 1 page and each ending in a cliff hanger?..That would be torture!!..

More please

From bizzybash and where it end your story begins lol so i read it liked it you have great start please come fast with the next chapter

"You need to get laid." and "You need a good piece of meat between those curvy legs you have to loosen you up a bit."

I am so glad I don't move in the kind of circles where female friends talk to each other like this. (Shudder.) If any girl I knew said anything like this I would assume she was very, very drunk - and in a LOT of trouble. Do you and your female friends really talk to each other like this?

Nor have I ever met a girl who thinks of herself as having a "well-shaped ass". It's crass, don't you think?

If you need an exclamation mark, use only one. Multiple exclamation marks is a major no-no.

"That's Kia for ya."

"You" is a nice word. Use "you". If people want to read it with their regional accents, fine, but don't write it in your regional accent.