I have never seen so many run on sentences in a one page story. PLEASE get some one to edit your stories before submission for publication. Low rating was given because I stopped reading about half way through.
This is by far the worst written story I have read on here in quite some time.
I should of stopped after the 36DD (hey what else would they be...geesh)
If this is your best, its definitely NOT good enough.
Don't listen to these idiots who rant about amateurish writing! This isn't a professional writer's hangout (for the most part). People make mistakes. It happens. It is helpful to find a person to proofread and edit, though. Keep on writing!
The writer is a guy who hangs out in his mom's basement not getting laid. Giving 1:2 odds on that.
Who was asking for professional level writing? All people were asking for is a basic knowledge of the English language, which was lacking. Once a writer decides to make a story public, it is open to ALL criticism, negative and positive.
this wasn't amteurish the writer just doesn't care and is to lazy to find an editor. EVERYONE needs to HARASS the hell out of the USLESS webmasters and demand that ALL stories go through editors before posting. this never should have been posted it is a first draft nothing more.
No attempt made to make a story. Why bother?
this story actually hurt to read. please take a writing class or actually read some decent literature to get an idea of what makes a story good. this... was a travesty of the written word. painful.
god tale a little abrupt but its not overly bad as all the jerks are saying you just need some inspiration and then I'm sure you'll be hitting the high notes
For whoever said the writer is a guy who lives in his mom's basement who doesn't get laid, completely wrong, I am an 18 year old female with too much free time on my hands. I may not have the greatest grammar or the greatest outlook on the vernacular to use for my stories, keep in mind this is also my first. Thank you to those who said it was at least OK, I wasn't looking to make it professional, no this isn't my best, but it's a start. So, yeah.
Kudos for trying. Although there are a fair few grammar problems those are mainly the same handful repeated so having someone else look through the story would help. As for the plot, the sexiest-costume-wins-sex competition stretched credulity a bit, at least without being set up properly.
Don't let it put you off trying, though.
Ugh... it could have been a good story if you put some thought into it. Maybe next time.
I thought you did well, laughed when he kicked his guests out. One critique would be that you have to match sex positions with the personality. Blake seemed more like a doggy style guy than a missionary
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