I see you've been writing for awhile so I shouldn't have to tell you this. But creating a story is more than just facts on a piece of paper. I don't get a feel for anything here. No emotion, just movement. While the middle and end get a little better, the first couple of paragraphs was like reading a report in a doctor's office.
The story appealed on a very basic level. I kind of wish Adam had let the other two know he had seen them and have a threesome. I can totally see another story. I do get a sense of some emotions, but that wasn't really the point of the story, was it? It's a sexual slice of life story.
English
walterio
I see you've been writing for awhile so I shouldn't have to tell you this. But creating a story is more than just facts on a piece of paper. I don't get a feel for anything here. No emotion, just movement. While the middle and end get a little better, the first couple of paragraphs was like reading a report in a doctor's office.
Thanks for the constructive advice.
I will keep your advice in mind with future stories.
The story appealed on a very basic level. I kind of wish Adam had let the other two know he had seen them and have a threesome. I can totally see another story. I do get a sense of some emotions, but that wasn't really the point of the story, was it? It's a sexual slice of life story.
I enjoyed the story. Although I do not have an ass as nice as Brandys, I do love feeling a nice cock jn me.
a request
you should use the idea from this and write a similar one with two brothers fucking
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