by tenken
no real background the sex was a bit rushed and no end, what happens to the house she and her boyfreind had? did they own it or rent it, if they owned it do they sell and split the money? does she stay with her brother? does she get pregnant? do the parents find out since you never mentioned if they were alive or dead? you left a lot of plot holes that need filling so start writing or start erasing but don't leave it like this. half a story(and this is much less than half) is worse than no story at all.
Could at least have a Ch, 2 & 3 and slow it down just a little.! You were almost as fast as Travis and you sure don't want the story to go "wham-bam" do you.
Still ~~ I gave you a "5".*!!
You know how so many people comment about editors? Well, I'm going to do the same thing, this story and any others can only be made better by using an editor. They would have found and helped fix the mixed up tenses you used throughout the story, something that is very distracting and takes away from the story.
That said, I thought you had enough going on to actually bother to comment, so hopefully you will consider my suggestion.
As far as the comments about the story ending as it did, it being short and not much to the story, I'll have to agree, but that's just how I wrote it. I decide to focus more on the sex and leave the details to the readers, which probably only panders to a smaller population of Literotica. It does have about 500% more story than my first submission and I'll be glad to add more story to part 2.
A nicely done short story with a good ending.
I would like to read about what happened next with the two lovers and how their being brother and sister created a tighter bond between them.
Thanks for the read
This was a very nice story...don't listen to the others..
They should learn to appreciate and not just hate...
I really wish people would remember this is lit"erotica" and not pulitzer...
Get over the couple spelling mistakes or technical crap...
If your only hear to read and correct and not enjoy the story, maybe you should be reading Whitman or Koontz...
your story was good you should do more chapters of this one and don't listen to those jerks its trolls like them that made this site a joke to other erotic stories sites I moderate another site and all the members there who went on this one said they will never return here because of the poeple who comment here
some say ignore the stupid errors and enjoy, the problem is only a grade school drop out can enjoy a poorly written story. as most honest readers have said use a good editor before posting and either do it right or not at all.
Amber's mistake was not turning first to her brother Joe when she needed a good fuck. She should've known that her big brother's big hard cock was ready and very able to take care of her cute little cunt, she should've gotten Joe to bust her cherry in the first place, since that's the official job of big brothers, busting their kid sister's cherry. Well, what's done is done, and now Joe's cock has permanent access to Amber's cunt, that's where he'll be blowing his brotherly balls from now on, filling his sis's sweet little twat to overflowing with all his creamy brotherly sperm. Up his sister's twat is where a brother's sperm belongs.
Very hot story though a bit short!However I am sure that the author will write at least one more chapter in which the sister and her brother would fuck added to a growing love like between a girl and a boy and why not the brother impregnanting her!!!
I really enjoyed your story line, use spell check next time, but maybe also be a little more graphic in body details too...was there a second chapter?