I have to agree with mcmilwp, who wrote early on in the comments about the problems in this story. In addition to his/her comments, was the "grow some balls" segment a flashback? I felt jerked around in a time machine or something...
This could have used a second pair of eyes to smooth out the storyline, fix some of the grammar and punctuation problems and, in general, get the underbrush out of the way.
this is new twist for the raac crowd, reconciliation via rape??? you should have stopped at chap4.
Don't undestand why so many writers here spend so much time building up what appears to be a rock solid character only to fuck it up in the end. OK, maybe the character isn't likable maybe he's even a SOB, but that is what you made him. To turn around and have him act so far out of character is stupid and not even worthy of the most hackneyed writer. If you were going to have him wimp out in the end, you should have built that quality into his personality from the get go. Sometimes stories and characters get away from us, but you don't just pull shit out of your ass to fix it. You need to let them go in the direction they want and need to go. In my writing I have found that stories can be like children; we may think we have everything planned out, but they turn out to have a mind of their own. That is the next lesson in your evolution as a writer.
love this story.
The only possible result for two people who loved each other the way they did. Neither of them were perfect, but they were perfect for each other.
Yep, in a real good way! I have read many of your stories, and they are great. I'd be willing to bet money that you could write a really good western story. Just a thought.
He isn't, just full of Bull Shit ! "1*" !
(PS> some of the "big" words he is using are out of context and he obviously doesn't know its meanings)
I'm not sure what 'clewer' means, but you're probably right, I'm not.
Want a big word?
As always, thanks for reading.
emotional...good story...but u really didnt need anne in this story
Great writing cool story, but she is a manipulative selfish lesbo bitch and deserves death and dismemberment, first from your story she never felt she did anything wrong, the proof first thing after real divorce in which she beat him, goes off with a lesbo affair ,so we know she had a back up plan all along so no real commitment there! the divorce was always his fault she never wanted it for she the lesbo could never do anything wrong or see his side being a lesbo, why lesbo alot because if a man had a gay affair after marriage went this way you know it would be oh she avoided a fag there!
the other thing is no bi wives all lesbo or not ,bi are sluts waiting to cheat- harsh but true. You may be a couple but you aint married .
Any chance of a followup?
He has some seriously dangerous demons still buried.
This was always one of my favorite big words. I love your work or passion however you perceive it. I wish I could write like this. I have read "The Cost" three times and each time it amazes me. I can't get over it's symmetry. I always wonder how many rewrites it took to get the final draft. Me?, I would still be writing. Thank you for the time and effort it takes to produce such entertaining stories. Besides, it's hard to find fault with anyone who likes stories by DSQ, OHIO, and HDK.
I was kind of hoping Anne would come down with genital herpes after her totally slutty stay on the island. She was truly, the good time had by all. She could never have oral sex again. Gwen could have come down with genital herpes in her throat. Gwen never really changed. She was still an exhibitionist, total nudity at an open beach.....just like Paris. She switched from Allen to Anne and cocaine to liquor. She still got off on the effect her body had on her daughters young friends.. I like your overall story, but you never convinced me Gwen was worth his love. I don't think the leopard ever really changed her spots...which is why she and Anne snuck into the bathroom to swap spit.....way to many discrepencies in personalities to get my sympathy.
got to exist a gury boy writing cts
So suddenly, Gwen is a hedonistic practitioner of deviant sex? And it's a beautiful thing... NOT!!! Apparently Hardy is wise and all knowing; not a stubborn fool after all.
Great story. I like this reconciliation. She grew up during the course of this story and has worked her ass off to get her husband back. Forgiveness does not make him weak. Whoever believes that "real men with balls" are the ones who never forgive, then I feel sorry for you. Everyone has done something that they would like to be forgiven for. If everyone worked as hard as she has worked for forgiveness, then they would have earned the right for a little redemption.
stop guzzling the jizz you suck out of the fat cocks you smoke - just because you have no 'nads doesn't give you or any clam the right to ingest so much semen.
The introduction of Melissa Sue was inspired - not only does it widen the possible identification targets (how many people populating LW stories can teenaged girls identify with?) but it cleverly shadowed the underlying question of Hardy, "can anyone get over their beginnings?".
Thus, it validates all of the trajectories of the earlier story.
And the kinky sex was approachable too.
(and seeing HDK screaming for bigger tits in the comment section was worth the price of admission as well.)
The series was superb! Little things a publisher would surely have provided coaching to correct (or omitt) are all I observed as possible criticisms. I say this only to emphasize that I mean to compliment your story telling. I enjoyed it thoroughly!
I stayed up until 5:00 this morning to finish this one. Most likely the best one I've ever read. I'll be sure to read more of your stories. It's good to read a story where there is no wimps or cucks here.
and, what happened to your proof reader?
Lost my interest in this chapter. The Waltons move to Bama. RTR
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!
orBack to Boston to Birmingham Ch. 05
orMore submissions by qhml1.
More Comments (73 total): Page:
Edit comment orSubmit Comment
Comment posted successfully - click here to view it or write another.
Title of your comment:
Your public comment about Boston to Birmingham Ch. 05:
Please type in the security codeYou may also listen to a recording of the characters.
Title your feedback:
Your feedback to qhml1:
If you would like a response, enter your email address in this box:
Feedback sent successfully - click here to write another.
Login or Sign Up
All contents © Copyright 1998-2012. Literotica is a trademark. No part may be reproduced in any form without explicit written permission.
Terms Of Services|Report A Problem|Privacy
Password:Forgot your password?
Your current user avatar, all sizes:
You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.
Select new user avatar:
Upload and save
User avatar uploaded successfuly and waiting for moderation.