L'il Sis

Great start! Keep it up.

AWESOME

Really a good story ch 2 would be nice. I think u know where u should go with it with out me telling u so do it.

good BUT

you really need to use a GOOD EDITOR you have way to many stupid errors like using the wrong words. it's obvious by the number of errors that you didn't proofread before posting. think about a rewrite for this chapter and be sure to use a GOOD EDITOR on all future stories you need one badly.

Good beginning

Well done, very realistic and believable. Siblings close in age can help each other. It can reduce stress and pressure, improve grades and increase confidence. It is best to take it slowly and not go all the way.

JUST TALK ??????????

ALL TALK AND NO ACTION MAKES FOR A DULL STORY A LITTLE RUB ASS IS NOT INCEST, PART 2 SHOULD BE MUCH HOTTER IF YOU WAN'T TO KEEP FANS. GOOD LUCK

It seems too short with nothing going on. Never did care for one page stories.

HMMM Well HMMMM

The storyline seems alright, but you need to practice writing more. There was no flow and too much trivial, unneeded information. Also, the conversation was very formal. You didn't make it flow. I agree that a rewrite is in order.

Hard to get past the stiff, awkward dialog.

It was about as interesting as reading an owner's manual.

Contractions

Story seems fine, but you really need to learn to use contractions.

As stiff as a tree

The dialogue was dreadfully dull. And that good old American cliche about beating people up for saying they have a pretty family member. Where the fuck do you people get that shit from? lolz

Work needed

Too short.There's a good story hiding in there, but it needs more flow, more development, the language is too stilted, no-one talks like that except the heroine's in 19th century gothic novels. Perhaps you should aim to be less literary and more natural in your dialogue, use contractions (It's, I'm, she'd, can't etc.). I liked where you you were trying to go, no doubt time and experience will improve your style, Please keep submitting, I would really like to see your future work.

Looks like it might be a really great story. If nobody dies, lol. And if a bunch of strange dick isn't introduced. And if the parents aren't huge douches. Gee, me and my prerequisites! ;)

I noticed that it could use more contractions in some sentences, some don't read naturally. ...and 'cum rag'?! Eww! Don't any of these fuckers own boxes of Kleenex?! I guess at least he wasn't using a fucking sock! Ive seen that in a few, ewwwwwww!
....and of course the fake mental aversion to fucking his sister. Sure, if he were saying it out loud in front of people, but every brother thinks of fucking his sister at some point! Some constantly! I was always pissed at my mom for getting remarried like five times and not one of those assholes had a daughter!! ;)

Ohhhhmygosh!!

This whole series is phenomenal!!! I love it 😍