by njoyjade
This has nice sound - but I feel like a connection is missing; as it is now it reads a bit like a list. The elements of each line do not really tie in with each other - some are feelings, others are natural elements. A progression, maybe, from the small to large - natural to emotional or some other such ordering would have been stronger. The rhyme change is also a bit jarring - I would have been tempted to break up the stanzas at the change but then that wouldn't be continuous, would it? just my 2 cents :)
things still continue ad infitium, TK U MLJ LV NV
Constant, try your damnest not to take repetition past 4, now the first three are very tight. suppose it was rewrote as 4th line
Constant need for more love
received, and always returned.
Ok, I don't know what bled but never bleeds means
I 5ed