All Comments on 'Continuous'

by njoyjade

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DesejoDesejoover 11 years ago

This has nice sound - but I feel like a connection is missing; as it is now it reads a bit like a list. The elements of each line do not really tie in with each other - some are feelings, others are natural elements. A progression, maybe, from the small to large - natural to emotional or some other such ordering would have been stronger. The rhyme change is also a bit jarring - I would have been tempted to break up the stanzas at the change but then that wouldn't be continuous, would it? just my 2 cents :)

tazz317tazz317over 11 years ago
CONTINUITY IS NOT PERPETUAL MOTION

things still continue ad infitium, TK U MLJ LV NV

twelveoonetwelveooneover 11 years ago
allowing for he title...

Constant, try your damnest not to take repetition past 4, now the first three are very tight. suppose it was rewrote as 4th line

Constant need for more love

received, and always returned.

Ok, I don't know what bled but never bleeds means

I 5ed

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I believe in Kindness, God , Joy , The Holy Spirit: all of which guide me !! When I meet someone I see the similarities and common bond of being born into the human race as equals. No one is any less or more important than me. As it should be.

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