All Comments on 'Family Guy Redux'

Added characters

Changed personalities

Changed sub plots

This is a whole new story and you were just lazy or incapable of writing the first few pages and decided to stand on the shoulders of an existing story but killed any semblance to it in the process.

did not make her smarter, you made her more selfish. And everything flows from that. This is not an improvement at all. Disappointing changes. Everything she chose to do was not for his welfare but hers. And then she takes pleasure in destroying him in the end. You should have written a separate story and left the other alone.

worser that the first, TK U MLJ LV NV

Woman hating is a sickness. You may well have presented a mirror to many.

C-Pete used rapier sharp black humor that established the narrator as very cogent person. You omitted that facet to bludgeon home your ( dicey) point. If you are going to do an alternate take on this tale, it's dirty pool to make him a borderline dullard. The characters should be vaguely recognizable from one version to the next.

Personally I wish you did this in a original story. I've enjoyed the vast majority of your other work, but of course any good writer strives for their own pleasure & not the audiences' ( esp. a non paying one ). Based on your overall body of work ,I look forward to your next submission, albeit with more qualms then before.

and about a total lack of communication between two married people. A standard 'revenge' story is turned into something far more complex and believeable. The simple fact is (no matter how much denial there may be on here) that when a marriage breaks down, it's usually the wife who is able to cope with it better (even the ones who don't take their husbands to the cleaners), because they are emotionally better equipped to do so.

In this story, she made an effort to open the channels of communication, but he continually slammed them shut. Whether it would have ultimately made any difference or not is debatable, but at least they could have moved on and not wasted so many years in a loveless relationship.

You've changed the story into one that is grounded in reality - there will be a lot of frothing mouths because of that - but I preferred this version to the original.

Really now. You turned this around: way way off course.

Chilley if you have writers block please take more time off. Do not attempt something like this again. You made cpetes story a mockery. A mockery dammit!

You messed this one up Chilley. Next time QUALITY please

What did this have to do with the originaal. Not good Waste of time

But just stop for a moment... How many of you have been blindsided or expect you have been..??? I smile.. I know there are a bunch of men/fathers in this story and do not have a clue... SAD huh

.. because your right ... I won't blame cpete ... but I will blame you ( and so have most of your other readers ). Like most sequels, this one sucked!

Yes I blame CPETE 100% for giving permission to write such crap. Letting the cheater win is as amoral as anything. I wonder what CPETE was thinking. I am forwarding this to him as well and hope he replies.

5*

Get a gun and shoot the slut and Mr. Stud.

ok divorce would break him, dont divorce her

come home one day, gather all you want and leave

really leave several states away

send her nothing, pay her nothing, no reason to suffer it that sort of situation

and whether the guy has money or not sue for past child support, one day he may get a job

Bad , Bad, Bad! Wimpy horse **t. Bite the bullet and kick the bitch to the curb. Life's too short to be miserable.

Cpete's story is a very good Romantic Revenge story about a man who is very extrem responsible for his DNA or not DNA relative children, this origines from his family background and the Romantic Revenge is a very low percentage likelihood event the neighbor widow to be the Second Chance woman. To spoil his GEM story is very great art work.

BTW I has not srarted any ad about myself on a website I get the letters of women to be friend from my age group, so I would not be afraid to be lonely in my age group. The 50s age is good here in Europe for men, but America??????

Don't try to fix it. Utter rubbish, the original is waaaayyyyy better.

I think that I prefer CPete's version. The protagonist does not seem to be on top of the game in this story.

I'm conflicted by this redux. On the one hand, it was well-written, and addressed a couple of points that nagged at me in the first story: the main one being that in the first story, the wife was oblivious that the love and affection had gone out of the marriage for 10 years or so. I also kind of thought the hubby character was a bit of a self-righteous prig in the first story, and it was rather humorous to see that thrown back in his face in this version (I actually chuckled at some of the dialogue here).

On the other hand, the hyper-sexual slut wife angle is something of an unrealistic cop-out. I liked that in the first story, the cheating wasn't about the sex-it was about the wife's desire for companionship and adult interaction, which led to a mistake.

The author here attempted to lay some blame on the hubby character, and that will always sit poorly with many of the LW readership.

I almost which there was a third version of this story, something of a middle-ground between the two.

I'll give the author credit for exploring a different take on cpete's rather original storyline.

and after reading it twice the best thing i can say about it is that it is not "indiansubmale." it is just crap.

Many of you are right. Two people hung togeather without love for many years, each plotting their way out, and waiting until they felt it was OK to leave.IMO they shouldn't have married in the first place, so I think their way was a tragedy. If changing the protaginist half way through was a problem for readers, I didn't anticipate it. I thought in the origional, Mark was too rigid, and too introverted, that in the real world it would turn out badly for him. The morally good do not always triumph, the bad guys win, let's not cling to stereotypes

Sorry I don't agree with the point some made that a rewrite which greatly changes the story is a bad thing. It takes nothing from the standing of the origional, and those of you so offended by this would be just as offended if it was done from scratch..

That said, phew! Threre's a bunch of nutters out there isn't there!

Chilley

Not sure about Sweetie winning (at least against Hubby!) She just didn't lose! And she wasn't losing for the past 10 years, either! Hubby did, however, lose (at least in the short run! But not against Sweetie!) The future looks much rosier for both in this version, and the story looks a lot more realistic! Good Job!

5*

He should have killed the nogood fuckig cheating slut when he found out and then killed Josh. The whole world would have been bewtter off with out thowe two using our precious natural resources

Put it like this. If you should accidently break your sad fucking neck, the whole world would be a 'bweter' place, you fucking moron.

I gave it a three. Not badly written but not very realistic. Ms. Slut Wife who needed more sex couldn't guess that Hubby was avoiding love-making because he knew what she was up to? And why didn't he at least tell her that during the divorce discussion? Instead, he just seemed wimpish (I made up a word, probably).

Another thing implied in this story, and depicted in many others, is that somehow things are so rosie for a single mom and the husband is the only one to get screwed. Well, I agree the law is very biased in favor of the custodial parent (usually the mother), and the husband often gets a raw deal with divorce.

But many times, it is also rough on the now-single mother. The kids have a greater chance of growing up with problems, and many dads don't pay their child support (perhaps due to justified anger over the divorce court decision), but moms have to deal with all of it. And many women are not too attractive on the dating scene with the kids as baggage. So most women don't like the idea of divorce when raising young kids (unless there is abuse or something in that regard).

It's like someone else is useing your name. Boy have you gone South, of your early position.

Husband is busting balls working 2 jobs and the only thing the shore can think of is filling her cunt and the husband is a bad guy? Ghee after finding out the cunt is breeding with someone else he just becomes distant- wow what a surprise. But the whore does nothing to fix up her husband - her goal is strange cock. You know she will cheat again because her new fuck buddy is going to have a hard time keeping her home unless the monkey that runs his electric wheelchair is hung like king cong. OUPS did I say that out loud?

Don't waste your time doing rewrites if this is an example of what it is going to be like. It did a great injustice to the original. Get a lot more realistic and stop having the guys turn out to be idiots and wimps.

Chilley, you wrote a lot of good stuff, but that is not one of them.

Ok, the husband is a dense mother fucker with a lot of prejudice, but giving the wife a whorish behaviour dont make her good....

You turned a good story into a bad one. Instead of rewriting good tales you should concentrate on bad tales and make them good. Or I've got a better idea. Why don't you just write original stories. How about that?

The husband ends up with regrets about not talking to Amanda. What would he talk to her about? By her accounts he was no good in bed after Year one of the marriage and he stooped being a good companion when he found out about her cheating with Josh. If he had confronted her about her cheating what would have been the point? He would be raped financially by the divorce and separated from his kids so Amanda would win back then. The other sad choice was to accept her cheating on him. Lastly, Amanda could have if she loved her husband talk to him about her unhappiness. As evident by Amanda's attitude she was not remorseful about cheating or having another man's child. Unlike the husband in Family Guy this idiot never made a life for himself and he was just waiting to divorce Amanda for spite. What a fool!

this was as bad as the first one. He should have packed up his shit once he found out and ran for the hills.

You took a crappy story and made it truely shitty.

There's much to be said for the East Indian Treatment for an adulterous wife. They cut the sluts' noses off so everybody recognizes them for what they are.

the pompous, self-righteous cuckold and reconciliation-seeking slut wife in these stories is wearing thin.

everybody knows that 5 of 6 times, the wife doesnt even begin to cheat until she has already given up on the marriage.

her reaction seems a lot more realistic in this 'confrontation' scene than what is usually presented. i've certainly never heard a woman... never even heard OF a woman... speak the words 'it was just sex' as an excuse for her infidelity. never ever. and i know a lot of cheating bitches.

complete utter trash, well written but story line just fuckin sucked to me

... this has to be the absolute worst "redux" ever. Too flawed to even get into. Horrible, just horrible.

cheating fucking god damn cunt was trapepd and she blamed the husband? has had many lovers and this guy busted his balls all those years for her and kids that were not even his. this is the worst but the author wanted to shot the husband was shit and the wife a cheating selfish cunt and he did that.

I thought you turned Amanda into an even worse person than in the original story. Yes, the idea that she was also ready for a divorce after so many years in a loveless marraige was interesting, but you took away every bit of compassion she had left. Surely she would have tried something other fucking everything that walks to turn things around' At least you could have had her wait until the divorce to move on. She was a cheating slut before, but she still had some shred of decency left. You really did a number on her character.

Some of these stories are nothing but Troll Bait. This is one of them. Except for the perverts out there (and who gives a fuck about them?) the readers here tend to have some belief in fidelity and the sanctity of marriage. Your version of the wife is clearly a device to bash the male ego and attack the above mentioned values. If your purpose were to inspire thoughtfulness on the subject then it might be useful. The plot is so clearly written to bash and ridicule the husband and his values that it can only be construed as an attempt to inflame the wrath of the readers. In this case you were a bit over the top with the calculating wife bit. Needs a more refined plot and better writing.

"Except for the perverts out there (and who gives a fuck about them?) the readers here tend to have some belief in fidelity and the sanctity of marriage."

Blow it outta yer ass cucky.

Her's the thing. If you don't make a marriage work, if you can't express your needs to one another, if you are not getting your needs met, you have to talk. Work it out. This couple couldn't communicate and it left them living together with what they both knew wasn't a real marriage, neither one able to fulfill the others needs.

They couldn't change. He was a very nice guy, there were lots of women out there that would love to put their shoes under his bed, it's just that the two women in this story weren't the ones for him. That's the story here.

As to adultery. People do dumb things, They are weak sometimes, and strong at other times. The assumption in the Loving Wives area is that all cheating is exposed and the cheater properly stoned to death. In the real world most cheating is not caught (what are the chances?), and sometimes the only way to stay in a marriage is to get your needs met elsewhere. This marriage is an inner tube with a patch or two, not good enough for some, but OK for others.

Chilley

chilleywilley, I want to compliment you for your recreation of 'Family Guy'. From all the hate spewing misogyny you have garnered, evidently you struck a vital nerve in many of the perpetual adolescents who comment on this site.

Those pseudomales, who confuse punching out some one physically weaker then them, with masculinity. They grunt and groan for a minute or two, squirt out a dribble of semen then roll over snoring and they call that sex. They will even boast of their 'accomplishment' to every male acquaintance, who will pretend to be an equally skilled 'lothario'. Pathetic losers one and all.

If the point of marriage is to structurally develop a family unit then the marriage of Amanda and Mark was a great success. As was the marriage of Mark's parents. Both marriages successfully raised and released descendents. Now all the anonymousies are in full hormonal hysteria that the female cattle somehow failed to prop up the manly expectations of the self-deluded.

One more point. I did not find any mention of Mark's father's homosexuality in the comments. I find that interesting that the commentators are too horrified to admit that a "good father", a gay man, is capable of raising children. That their little mindsets are shrinking away from the meaning of what you wrote. A good story makes the reader think. This story makes the reader ponder their own parents lives and what grisly secrets lay hidden under the facade of normality and apple pie.

Fanfare is right, of course. Even when it upsets you, makes you squirm, makes you rage, makes you hurt. The whole point of writing, and reading, is to think outside the narrow confines of societal expectations to the reality of what it means to be human, warts and all. Most people, include the very vehement commentators on here, are flawed. Are we going to play the "Your flaw is worse than mine!" game? Or are we going to grow up and look at all the things the story raises and deal with them? Adultery is awful, no question about it, but so is emotional abuse, so is physical abuse, so is _______________ You fill in the blank. There is no worse thing than to be human. There is no better thing, either. That is the paradox of our existence, that out of the greatest ugliness can come lessons and insights and growth of the best kind. It's like the song says: "You can't have one (people) without the other (failure)!"

Okay...hopping off my soapbox now! :)

Not the direction that I would have thought an alt version would go. A bit too surreal for my tastes. Thanks.

Most lit lw stories end up with the divorced guy with a new hot wife or gf and they live happily ever after. Not so in real life, but these are stories after all.

I read something couldn't make it out so full of selfish bitch shit like you would hear from a man hating cunt yada yada yada on and on, so when you write a story with characters and not stereotypes made up in a haze of male hating fog do try again, for as you may mot realize we all love it when the per-description matches the story 20 pts my ass, hahaha

thanks for nothing

I seriously doubt many men enjoyed this story (thus the low rating). Like most men who read stories here at LW, I was looking for the hero to be the winner and not the loser. I think most men who read LW stories or either men who lost out in a divorce or men who want to hear how THEY could be the one getting even with an ex or a want to be ex.

I have never been thru a divorce, but as we all know, losers far outnumber winners. This guy not only lost his wife who seemed to have cheated on him most of their marriage and gave him a bastard son to raise. He also lost any respect he had for his step brother and his dad. And of course the former neighbor lady he was hoping to rely on turned out to be out of his league as well. His entire life seems to have been one big lie or deception. I think most men fear that more than anything. They dont want to find out they were being played and now have nothing. Their adult life was one big farce. I would suspect this story happens much more than not and is there fore probably closer to reality than we, especially men, want to admit and probably rates a very high value.

I only gave this story 2 * but now wish I had said 4. I can not say 5 because it seems being the good, honest, fair guy really sucks. Life can be that way but I have to have some sympathy for the poor bastard.

Must of been written by an asshole. Sorry excuse redux to original story (which was infinitely better than this piece of trash).

You really missed this time. Took a pretty good story and trashed the hell out of it.

You wanna be a writer. Write your own stories. Don't take somebody else's story and turn it to trash!

All of the fervent commenters here are closet cases - insecure virgins who hate themselves and women. The story was insightful ,lightyears above the comprehension level of the average wannabecucks commenting here.

This author's attempt was a total failure. Although it was easy to follow it was a dismal depressing and pathetic account of a story that was good. Because this was a rewrite, there were expectations of a better read. However, the original was quite good and this paled in comparison.

Sorry but the original was SO much better. Yours had no real "flow" to it and was simply not interesting or clever.

Very terrible addendum. If you're determined to make the husband a loser (as in many of your tales), let the readers know you are a "bth" (burn the husband) fan.

You warn them by the title's name. As Britease went out of his confort zone in his story "kim", you did as well. You took this as a challenge. It is good to see you challenge your self. KUDOS to you for the attempt. With that said I personally didn't like the outcome. I like BTB or in some cases reconcilation.

The tragedy of the original story was failure to communicate, failure to grow together and a failure to face reality, or in his case even recognize reality. If they discussed their needs, which is unlikely, they didn't successfully meet them. As a result, the marriage died in it's early years, and we can see why. Cpete says he worked two jobs plus went to school, so he neglected her particularly at the time she was saddled with a small child. He struggled with long work hours which we presume were challenging and fulfilling, she struggled with drudgery, loneliness and boredom. For her the joys of young married life were a hell of a long way from her reality.. They owned a house, and perhaps in retrospect, they should have reduced their expenditures at that time to enrich their lives and lived a bit. Obviously they failed to communicate with each other to discuss their unhappiness. Given his immaturity and delusional view of others, I suspect he wouldn't be able to understand what his wife might have told him.

The male character never grew up. He harbored fantasies of what others were, everybody was on a pedestal, standing pure and noble in his eyes, his parents, his brother, the woman next door. He couldn't see reality, and not seeing reality is a fatal flaw. He and his wife both, independently, did what it took to stay married for the sake of the children. Unknown to each other, and for different reasons, both planned for the end of the marriage. Her plans were well laid, his were built on sand, his daydreams became his conviction of what would be with no basis in reality.

I think my story, while clearly a tragedy, is much more realistic than the original. A successful marriage requires both parties get their needs met, recognize that all of us change over the years, and that we need to make sure as we do mature, we adjust to support each others changing needs.

Chilley

.

sorry

An animated Penguin is smarter and( probably) a better Writer than you. You put all the weight on the Male. Suffer from penis envy? You said they didn't communicate. That meant, neither did she. So paying bills is an Offense punishable by Cuckolding?

Didn't like this version. I was put off by it. This story didn't have a happy ending, but that wasn't what put me off. I felt that this author got the wife's character completely wrong. She was a cold-emotionless bitch. She was so cold and emotionless that she was as unrealistic as the husband was in the other version.

Anytime someone asks for a divorce out of the blue, there is a level of shock. Even if both parties wanted a divorce, there is still a level of initial shock. This author had her reaction to reading he divorce papers like she was proof reading an essay. Then, she readily admits to having multiple affairs with the same nonchalance. Even the revelation that their youngest son wasn't his got no reaction. Her response was completely unrealistic.

First of all, no person who has spent years lying would give up the truth with no emotion. She told him of her many affairs with the same ease she would be conversing about an unpleasant situation at her job. If she was that emotionless about it at this point, there is no way she would have taken the time and energy to hide it before now. Secondly, the revelation that your child doesn't belong to your husband effects more than just your marriage. To have 0 emotions about this makes you a sociopath. Third, anytime a marriage ends there is a level of emotions. Whether you are extremely happy and relieved, or completely torn apart, you experience something. She was "at peace", from the beginning. That is not real.

No realism.

Boy, did this story take a wrong turn. I had to go back and reread cpete's story. That was a good story and should have been left alone. This is the usual "the man is always wrong" type of story. She was just so misunderstood and lonely while he worked and worked for what. In our society, the man is supposed to provide for the family. What does the family provide for the man? Another man's son? The wife is just a complete cheating slut who couldn't be trusted alone. Another woman who wants her husband to provide (read give her money) for her and still have her excitement with others so she wouldn't be "lonely" with just a little child.

This story is so bad that there is not one redemable thing in it.

The last commenter said there wasn't one redeemable feature in the story. Untrue. It ended, which put us all out of our collective misery after having read this story, thus giving it one redeemable feature. Personally, I think the author owes us money for our time..........

Where kiddie porn and tortuing puppies is probably also socially acceptable. Regardless of their gender, it is ALWAYS a bad thing when cheaters win.

This story destroyed cpete story. Chilly you are one sick person. Go back on your meds.

Took a good story and ruined it.

Not creative enough to start a story.

The wife cheated and tricked her husband into raising another man's son. He found out. Period.

The original story was a flip on the traditional tale of a long suffering wife and mother who remains in an unhappy marriage with a cheater husband for years "for the children." It was unrealistic, yes, because in real life the husband would either have left his wife right away or over the next 10 years might have turned into an alcoholic wife beater or just died of a heart attack from the stress of trying to keep his pain and anger bottled up. But who wants to read realism on Literotica?

but you need to go to the black board and try again. The brother, dad and the husband along with the lawyers were fucking morons.

Don't take a good story and fuck it up with bullshit like this.

A whole new level of stupid!

She was too unreasonable to be honest and he was too unreasonable to be approachable - ouch.

Other than the fact he steals names from old cartoon penguins, he basically hates men. I realized this when he mentioned that most cheating wife stories were written by old men. Is that old white men or old black men,Chilly? I can assure you I am not old!

Yeah, the cheating wife wins...for now. If this were a true story, we have to hope that the Christians aren't right becasue she may have won here, but I suspect she will lose in the big roulette wheel upstairs...oh that's right, she is going the other way.

I just don't see why he felt he needed to write this. I am glad only skimmed through it otherwise I would have been stupider than the guy here.

Being as asshole author, he knows all about assholes.

never read anything written by this no talent hack again

You lost it. The story seemed interesting, but where the FUC did it go. I know it fell off a flat Earth......bill

1, Sry I was disappointed. ...

This is basically a role reversal on the usual super nice guy who's not very smart stays in the marriage for the sake of kids. Functionally the marriage has been dead for years. Yet he imagines his wife will be devastated when he leaves and will be destroyed, living in sack cloth and ashes. Unfortunately he substituted magical thinking for real plans.

He is shocked that she too intended to leave the marriage when the kids left the nest, the only difference is she carefully planed her post marriage life.

He is dumb, she is clever. I think the ire of many readers is that 'nice guy' must triumph, and the woman get humbled, and here it is just the opposite.

Chilleywilley

You fixed it alright. You took two reasonably sensible people with a serious marriage problem, turned one into a neurotic wimp and the other into a self-centered bitch. And you turned a "story" into nothing but a pointless narrative with no real ending.

Thanks.

This story gave me chills. I hated how it worked out. That is what an author wants, I expect. It's a clear 5.

leads to strive and turmoil. TK U MLJ LV NV

Sorry i read this crap. Ruined what had been a decent story, legal realities that screw men despite sob stories from NOW and another example of codefied inequities

You should have left the original alone, this is just crap😡😡😡

that this story did the literary equivalent of spray painting a mustache and Mohawk on the Mona Lisa

I'm starting to wonder if your one of those sub undercover cucks?

good original story ruined.

Why on Earth did you write a piece of shit like this ruining an otherwise fine story? Are you a wimp cuck who can't stand a true mal and you have to pussify other wirter's stories too?

unless you've always been a woman with issues??

What a pathetic loser that guy is. Good story

This story is well written and well put up.

The morals are shit, though.

The wife is a victim in the beginning,

but instead of trying to mend the marrage,

she runs away from it.

That changes her from victim to crook.

And I don't like crooks.

In respect to well written story, I choose

not to to rate it.

Cpete's story

You will never get Legends invite

shit

usual shit from another WIMPY FAG "author".

Damn, how low can you go? I’m not talking about this story, I’m talking about someone who would take a perfectly good story (cpete’s) and bastardize and butcher it. How depressing.

Wow that was stupid a piece of trash.

of Matt Monroe and English Bob because your more of a fag than any writer in the history of literotica

cases to the yard

Dont read this anyone.

Wife is a cunt through and through.

This was just stupid.

I only read the last page or so... It seems like a public service announcement. Some people really do need to let go a bit. I guess I didn't see the nasty bitch part, which is fine, I've had my fill. Maybe there's a certain irony in the rigid and vehement reactions from the comments. From what I see, it's about a person who was born with some A neurons in the B spot, and vice versa. Comments would suggest the female character is needlessly over the top. I don't know, I didn't read far enough. It doesn't seem like a wimp story from what I've read, either. Writing about handicapped people was legal last I checked.

I've maintained and still do that the author forewards are detrimental to the appreciation of the story 96% of the time, and the author has done him or herself a disservice this time, too. Based on the level of impairment of the male actor here, it should have been billed as "too smart to die, too dumb to live" story instead of "now, smart psychobitch gets to win," or "wife gets a brain upgrade." Then again, that would be according to my rigid delusions that authors generally write for one or more of: money, their enjoyment, the pleasure of seeing others enjoy it, and not to generally piss people off. This story could probably have gone with a suicide ending if the dumb guy was portrayed just as dumb but in a smarter way. Like diagnosed as autistic and with personality disorders.

I've also maintained that authors commenting on their own story is almost always the wrong thing to do, but thankfully the author didn't bother to get personal. Maybe she or he did, I don't remember it anyhow. I just remember it helped my understanding of the story and comments, and I infer from that.....it surprised the fuck out of me.

kids are resilient and fair better after divorces than living in dysfunctional households. So they weren't compatible anymore. OK move on. Don't cheat and think your making due.

Well she married the idiot. If she had been with a normal man the only thing that would have beat her belonging and son to the curb would have been her ass.