Sorry could not complete it... went off the wrong track,
I have read a page and reached the second page when i stopped reading. The reason being it went completely offtrack. The wife has returned with another man's baby and no revenge is planned on him but the lover brandon hilton is targeted by the sick (read cuck) husband. Some bullshit about how brandon should not get away was mentioned.
I agree what brandon did was wrong but one needs to understand he did not drug the wife. The wife lori has to accept responsiblity of her actions. How can you blame brandon? He was not the one who was committed to the husband and had taken vows to remain faithful.
Why is the wife getting away so easily? I mean this was not just a case of having an affair but here the man was accused of murder and was publicly humiliated by the press coverage that followed. For that very reason the wife should have been made to pay. For all you know it was planned by the wife to frame thue husband this way. i.e. let him be humuliated for a few days then write a note and save him. How can that be so easiliy forgiven? Why all the attention on brandon when he is just a seducer?
I like this author but dint like this one... very disappointing.
Dont know why but i completed the tale. The wife Lori got away way too easily. I hope the author is not planning to write cuck stories in the future. This may just lead to it though the man was not a cuck in this one. I dont know what others feel but i strongly feel someone should write an alternate ending to this one and make Lori pay.
This Author is GUILTY of Reckless Disregard ( of my pulse rate ) !
Most superior writers, considerate of their faithful fans, content themselves with inserting one Mega-Twist per story. Here we got two coming from left field probably originating from a baseball stadium in China . Lori having a baby in tandem with her daughter and the old school harvesting of DNA control sample. Mercy !
One tiny quibble would be that the co-chief villain Brandon's character could easily have been expounded on in greater detail to set up the outrage kindled in readers and narrator alike.
Perhaps just a quick one on one scene with the father & psycho swain where a hint of his sociopathic tendencies surfaces ever so briefly. He was a huge player in this story in every sense of the word but was pretty much a shadow until the wedding scene.
Barring that potential hiccup, this was intense from start to finish. Ergo my petulant, plotting protest in my selfish interest in terms of prolonging this wonderful story . The only thing ho-hum about this work is the certainty that another 2 fireball hot ratings to add to Francis Macomber's collection of quality titles.
Great tale. Well thought out and well written. I agree with Karan about not enough punishment for Lori the cheating wife But everything else worked out well. Even a happy ending. Good job.
with karan, it is only a story but the mother and daughter living with the husband after what the wife had done is to much for me.
by
Anonymous10/13/12
No, not really..
Although a reasonable tale with out the husband being a wimp, Lori sure got off easy. And good ole Rufus needed some more justice. And Brandon also needed some more payback.
This has been the best read in this section for a very long time. Subtle and lasting revenge is far more effective than violence.
Okay, so I found it hard to identify the character of Lori with a real person - but that didn't really detract from it because the main character remained true to himself throughout.
It would be criminal to give it anything less than 5*
As for the punishment. Brandon's lasted at least 18 years - a beating or a bullet is too quick. Lori was exposed to everyone who knew her for what she was - a lifelong punishment. Sounds good to me.
the tale----until I came to its very unsatisfactory end. A good story needs to offer some completion, a vigilante's action needs some measure of success; this story offered neither and therefore failed miserably. Lori, a lying, unfaithful, selfish fool ends up living unscathed and being taken care of by both her betrayed husband and daughter when deserved at the least to be made to live in a homeless shelter for unwed mothers-----at the very least. Brandon, in addition, could have been sued at least to lose his license to practice law...he may have not committed a criminal violation, but there is certainly a civil tort involved against either the protagonist or his ex-wife or his daughter (or all three)--- at the very least a picture of him in his wet, pissed in pants should be circulating around any city he ends of working in. As for good old Rufus, he should end up having brandon living in his home so that brandon would be there to offer legal advice and help Rufus lose many of his clients. I do think, Macomber, that you got tired and just decided to end the story where and when you did without ....... .
by
Anonymous10/13/12
I liked it.....
It had a good ending and I was looking forward to reading this final installment. Thanks.
You're nuts for NOT understanding the story. I have no idea if you really are a wimp, but not caring about payback on the boy who ruined your life certainly makes it a STRONG probability.
You just don't fuck with married women . . . . and get away with it.
A really excellent resolution to the story. Hubby didn't wimp out and take Lori back and he treated her as he should have. Emily bonded with her mother as would be expected under the circumstances and the poor mistreated man got a new loving wife so a neat wrap up of the whole sordid tale.
The only criticism I have is if he suspected who his wife had run off with, the police should have been told. They have superior resources, but that would have ruined the story of course.
by
Anonymous10/13/12
Lori and her Father each got payback
by having to live with each other. Her only refuge is someone she hates. Rufus must live with the constant reminder of how wrong he was:
1) He misjudged the character of all parties.
2) If he had not pushed Lori away her sister would have been warned.
3) He is now the laughing stock of Savannah.
Best revenge is a life well lived (along with the guilty parties causing their revenge).
No one is talking about fucking around with married women and getting away with it. The point here is, what brandon did was wrong so screw him if you want. But she was not drugged. Instead of behaving like a sissy why dont you understand that fact? Lori got away too easiliy was the point. But i guess your such a sissy that you fail to notice that and atgue on fucking around with married women.
Even if your a wimp thats not my problem but are you blind as well? Read my comments carefully before you comment. I said punish the guy if you want to but dont let lori escape. This is not a case of simple cheating, out here he was accused of her murder as well. You think thats no big deal? The guy was not the one who was committed to him lori was. She was the one who broke the wedding vows and not only did she do so, she got her husband humiliated in the worst possible way by the media.
You think thats a joke? Read the comments carefully and not just mine but others as well, as several people have voiced similar thoughts i.e. lori got away too easily.
It's funny how all the hatred comes for the guy for fucking with "the married woman" but no comments by you on how "the cheater" got away lightly.
I on the other hand give a more balanced view with the opinion that if the guy deserved to be punished which he did, than, so did the woman (lori).
And if i was a wimp or would show such characteristics as you do, then i would have been ok with lori getting away easiliy. Unfortunately for you and fortunately for me i am not a wimp so cannot accept it. This was my view.
@ thebullet: non- logic? asking for justice and seeing to it that lori pays is non logic according to you? So i guess, according to you logic says lori should get away with it easily? Is that even making sense?
And im a jerk because i want justice for the man and cant accept your wimpish ideas? You dont make sense.
by
Anonymous10/13/12
Rufus
I like the name. good story. but I want to know if Brandon have something against the Carletons or just coincidence.
. . . Part 2 was preposterous, but still just as much fun to read. I did like the historical reference thread through both parts of the story. Savannah is a beautiful city, but as I recall from reading Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, Savannah has bizarre roots that still pervade the city. Maybe there was a good reason Sherman struck out for Savannah after sacking Atlanta. All of the historical allegories seem to fit this story.
But just to set the record straight: what did you expect the husband to do to Lori? She is already a broken woman. You want him to beat her? Kill her? Throw her into the street, even though his daughter begs him to take her in for a while?
What about the infant? Because she is the result of a cuckolding relationship, should she too be shoved into the shitter? The baby deserves to be punished as well?
What solution do you see that is fair to all involved while giving Lori the punishment you think she deserves? --no, don't bother telling me. I haven't the strength of will to read through any more of your mindless diatribes.
The plot line might have been a tad far fetched, and I saw the Lori/Brandon affair coming like a slow left hook, yet I enjoyed the tale nonetheless. It was well written and the characters were well drawn up. The plot moved at a good pace and was, despite being a little fantastic, still exiting and believable enough to be entertaining without too severely stretching the readers incredulity
@ceoltoir: At what time did i ask her to be beaten? Are you seriously blind? I never said such a thing, but you have nothing to say because logic cannot be argued upon so you put such false accusations on me. I would be an asshole if i asked her to be beated up but i did no such thing.
You on the other hand are an asshole because you are falsely accusing me of something i never said. Being blind is something you can be forgiven for but arguing for the sake of it is not acceptable. Grow up jerk. Get well soon.
the bullet: Nor would i like to argue, but just to set the record straight.
The bullet: I dont like arguing as well but just to clarify a few points. At no point of time did i ask for a solution that involved the beating of Lori. Though she deserved it is another issue but I am strictly against violence on women under any circumstances. So no beatings for her.
I agree on a few points that you made, namely the future of the newborn, for that there can be several alternatives that can be looked at. The baby does not deserve to suffer so something should be worked out for her. Either she could stay with the husband. Even though he was not the father, chances are he would raise the kid much better than a woman like lori who did not hesitate to sleep with her daughter's boyfriend and break her daughter's heart plus when she knew that her daughter was pregnant. So lori has a proven record as a bad mother, what makes you think she would do a better job second time round? Chances are the kind of whore she is, she might sell of her baby. And that's not what we want do we?
Despite Lori being the mother adoption could be looked at if the husband refuses to look after the baby and in a case like this chances are she would do better in a foster home as Lori is unfit to be a mother. At any given point the future of the baby has to be looked at, and all evidence proves that Lori would not be a good mother seeing her past record.
With regards to the right kind of punishment for Lori, well that again can be looked at, Beating is not a solution but something else more humane and yet hurtful because she deserves it. They can go to the media and expose Lori, an apology was printed in the newspaper but that was not enough or sufficient to remove the damage done. Thus, after she returns the least that could have been done was the husband going to the media, selling the story to some journalist. This would serve a three fold purpose. He would make money which he could use to take care of the new born baby of Lori plus humiliate Lori by letting the world know about her plus finally putting to rest whatever little doubt of his innocence that remained in the minds of many people.
So in no way is he "beating her up" ( i never suggested that, i guess ceoltoir and you must be hallucinating) and yet get even. Hope this makes sense and clears the record.
by
Anonymous10/13/12
Very Telling
The comments here clearly reveal the split among LW readers. The people who come here to read stories love it. The people who come here to work out their issues with women are mad because Lori wasn't sold to a Mexican brothel after being spat on by everyone she knew. That would have been a totally predictable and irrelevant diversion but that crowd don't give a damn about the story, they just want to see the bitch burn.
I wish someone would start burnthebitch.com so all those Real Men could go there and get their jollies and quit stinking up the air around here.
i will today. but i have to say that people here comment just like people comment on the characters in every story everywhere. it can be a good story and we can hate the character and want more done to punish them or reward them. it is really nothing personal. pick up some reviews of the best books in literature and you will find similar comments about the characters. so get over it - part of writing is having people love or hate your characters. if they dont love or hate them you have just done a shit job as a writer in creating a character people just yawn over. booring does not sell.
from all the comments i can see this will be a good one to read and if i hate a character or love a character, it does not matter which, that is a point in favor of the author and his creation.
and as usual, there is a but. The first chapter more than set things up. The second chapter was quite predictable. Hell, I guessed the double baby paternity thing. The suggestion that the lover-boy had no idea that he was engaged to the sister of his late girlfriend stretched credibility a lot. Also, we were told that the rich father hired a detective. A good detective should have reported that the daughter had run off with the cad, the very cad that was romancing his youngest daughter. So we have an unbelievable coincidence and some really bad detective work needed to make this story work. I also think out hero would have been on Youtube waving the knife and gun before he exited the building and cops would have been on his ass before he reached the interstate..
Did not pass the "look" test. 1. Lori was seriously deranged, so the Dept of Soc. Svcs would have snatched the child. 2. If there is one Truism about Southern White folk, it's they LOVE their guns. They go strapped to CHURCH! Hubby would have went down under a hail of bullets. 3. Hubby could have filed the Paternity suits with DSS. They would have found him through the Bar association.
Well written, worth reading and lots of fun! Yes, yes, yes, there were a number of rather predictable elements in the story, but so what? That's true of most stories. I rather liked the 'scalping' approach to getting DNA samples - lol!
First, this is a fine piece of fiction. Most who read it carefully will enjoy it. Even Dick & Jane can be misunderstood if read carelessly. There are several areas in which 'poor practice' (such as by police and by Private Eyes) might have resulted in difficulties in coming to faster (but NOT, IMHO, better) resolution. Fiction writers (especially those not earning monetary reward!) should be forgiven for such, if not too egregious!
Bottom line...5* and my appreciation for the efforts of FMc!
Second, this area is for COMMENTARY on or to the STORY/AUTHOR! Yes, I have (rarely, briefly and with apology!) violated this before! I do NOT consider
s t r e t c h i n g my comment out (such as THIS paragraph) to be a violation. PLEASE honor this protocol. There IS an area in LIT to engage in extended discourse about damn near anything (like squabbles about each others' comments!) is available. Please take the 'explanations' THERE...INCLUDING any responses you wish to make to THIS request!
by
Anonymous10/13/12
one of your worst stories so far,quite disapponited in you
F.M..what a fairy tale. this story started out okay but part 2 is a disaster, considering your skills as a writer..( JOHN) any man would never have Lori back in the house kid or not with what she did to him,that part was so unbelievable. and brandi sidding with her mother after finding out her ex boyfriend fathered another baby with johns ex wife,her mother. I THINK you are living in la la land. no daughter i know would have been civil and probably would have punched her lights out..she took off ,never left word ,he was investigated for her diapprearance and osterized by friends and family and she wanted to stay ih his home.. if this makes sence to anyone out there please respond.!!! he should have shut the door and sent her to a shelter.. he had absoluty no obligation of any kind to let this whore back into his home. ALSO IN NEW YORK there is free birth control center everywhere on 14th street in manh i know of one, also abortion is easy as pie at the same place whether you can pay for or not.. so the writter is full of it.. n.y is a liberal state.why would she bring another baby into this world if she coulodnot feed it clothe it ,educated it. what was she thinking and to go back to the husband she desserted is beyound believable . at least he moved on to bridget.. so i donot get it and this story just des not work. period...
and the punishment was not even close enough. as for the slut wife, she should be out on the street and who gives a fuck about her bastard. now his grandchild is a half sibling to his slut x-wife's bastard - isn't that special. no brandon did not suffer enough and neither did the wife, but a mexican whore house would have been just a tad harsh, and anyone who reads my cheating wife shit - as in they deserved to be punished know i can really be harsh. but it was a good read and worth a 5 even the the wife was a cunt and her daughter not all that bright either.
I agree that Lori got off way too easily. "Oops, didn't work out, I'm back!". As for the unborn baby she carries, wouldn't that be HER responsibility? Is there any reason why it should be John's (the EX-husband's) responsibility?
There's little information on Lori after she came back. I'm sure she feels remorseful and regretful and all that, but it's not shown. As such, the view I have of her is still incredibly negative; the woman who cheats on her husband, fucks her daughter's boyfriend, elopes on a whim and gets pregnant. And the only reason she comes back is because Brandon abandons her and she's broke.
More importantly, no CHANGE is shown. That she's grown up, that she truly regrets what she's done, etc.
So yes, she got away with it.
Emily's behavior mystifies me as well. Maybe the pregnancy and the hormones because of it are screwing her up, but why did she forgive her mother just like that? Just because they're both pregnant? Weren't they rather antagonistic before? This sounds like a very convenient excuse so Lori can stay with them.
As for the "punishments" the "bad guys" got...Hm. Lori having to go back to her dad Rufus, who she can barely stand...Not bad.
Rufus, who is now proven by John to be a completely incompetent judge of character. I'm sure the humiliation of this entire debacle stings him more than anything. Although I'm sure he'll find a way to blame John for all of this.
Brandon, having to own up (IE pay childsupport) for the two kids he fathered, is probably punishment enough (for 18 years).
One more thing, John COULD have Lori make a "statement" in a newspaper about the real reason behind her disappearance, as penitence, perhaps. It would clear John's name, reveal the truth behind this case, and it would be a punishment that would not affect the baby. This would be a pretty juicy story that no newspaper would refuse, right?
Like I tend to like all FXM works...I think it was interesting to tie the main character's study of vigilantism to what he faced in real life and realizing that the cut and dried negative most people associate with vigilantism is not always so. In this case, the law looks at Brandon and basically says there is nothing we can do, other then maybe him him up for child support (and one commenter is correct, Georgia is one of the lousiest states when it comes to child support, they give very little, not surprisingly). I think the ending was interesting, I loved the church scene, and dear old father in law finally got his comeuppance when he realized that shallow things like money and class don't make for good character, that 'liberal' professor turned out to be a lot more moral than the spawn of rich presumably conservative families...
As far as Lori not getting an abortion, the wedding scene tells you why, apparently her family is Catholic (though far as I know the vatican doesn't exactly love cheating or having babies out of wedlock).
In one sense I agree with Karan, that as a character I am not all that sure that Lori has suffered enough, or if she really understands how horrible a thing she did, it seems that all she still cares about is herself....when John is planning his revenge, she worries about feeling guilty about what might happen rather than worrying about him and she never understands how she ran off was of her own accord, she said she didn't have a choice, really? She is still delusional, though I doubt very much courts would take the baby away from her or it necessarily was the best course of action. It sounds like she has learned something, but she also hasn't quite taken responsibility for what she did...
That doesn't change Brandon as a skanky low life, and my problem with Karan's and some other posts is their statements about the character of Lori almost borders on Brandon not being scummy.....here is a man who was seducing both daughter and mother (until mom tells him to back off, so she can have him *gag*)., takes away a man's wife and doesn't even think of the husband, and though he didn't know about the kids he never checked with either mother or daughter to see how they were after dumping them..and then after taking the wife, dumps her, without resources or anything. That doesn't mean Lori is an angel, but it doesn't take away from what a scumbag brandon is. In many ways, he and Lori are the same people, they are both the spoiled scions of well off families, which despite certain mythologies about the families of well off people, is more often true then not, that the kids end up as low lifes living off the family fortune.....
The ending may not hang true in terms of how John handles it, but in many senses he displays what a-hole father in law couldn't figure out, that he was that good a person. Of course Father in Law would never apologize to John for the way he had behaved towards him, gasbags like that rarely do, but John comes out as a truly noble man, maybe not one many men are. He takes Lori in, not because of her, but because of his daughter (and yes, folks, mother-daughter relationships are strange, and things as strange as this or more happen, like a daughter taking care of a mother who sat back and watched as dear old dad raped her for many years and did nothing). John also felt sympathy for the baby and didn't want the child living in conditions not good for it, because it was innocent.
There is one flaw to the story IMO, that Frances doesn't straighten out, according to Lori's story, Brandon is a trust fund kid with 'a lot of money', so he wouldn't need a job with the town of Macon to pay child support...one could suppose his family (which is not mentioned) cut him off, but from the story it sounds like Rufus would not have to get him a job for him to pay child support.....and Rufus proves to be a jerk, too, because he has a grand kid and great grandchild and does nothing to help them, he should be judging himself, that fine ole southern gentleman he is not....
Frances, I love your stories, but please take Mz Sarah out again, it is like eating that special food available only so often.
by
Anonymous10/13/12
meh
unrealistic that lori jus came back with out the main char doing anything if he was truly as hurt as he said he was he woulda turned her out just like she did him. Ovverall a weak cuckold story because if lori can waltz back into his house with another mans child and one in her and he lets her sta he's a wimp plain and simple, i'm not saying be cruel but it isn't his responsibility for his ex if that was the case every ex in the world would be back with their ccked husbands. Was a good story but the ending was subpar and ruined it. Not even the hair cutting made sense it was more or a soap opera at the end then arealistic story. Again meh.
by
Anonymous10/13/12
Why no DNA test on Emily?
Why no DNA test on Emily?
He might not have a granddaughter either.
English
Sorry could not complete it... went off the wrong track,
I have read a page and reached the second page when i stopped reading. The reason being it went completely offtrack. The wife has returned with another man's baby and no revenge is planned on him but the lover brandon hilton is targeted by the sick (read cuck) husband. Some bullshit about how brandon should not get away was mentioned.
I agree what brandon did was wrong but one needs to understand he did not drug the wife. The wife lori has to accept responsiblity of her actions. How can you blame brandon? He was not the one who was committed to the husband and had taken vows to remain faithful.
Why is the wife getting away so easily? I mean this was not just a case of having an affair but here the man was accused of murder and was publicly humiliated by the press coverage that followed. For that very reason the wife should have been made to pay. For all you know it was planned by the wife to frame thue husband this way. i.e. let him be humuliated for a few days then write a note and save him. How can that be so easiliy forgiven? Why all the attention on brandon when he is just a seducer?
I like this author but dint like this one... very disappointing.
Great Read!!!!*****
One of the best I have read in the last year. Thanks for sharing.
Just could not accept it.
Dont know why but i completed the tale. The wife Lori got away way too easily. I hope the author is not planning to write cuck stories in the future. This may just lead to it though the man was not a cuck in this one. I dont know what others feel but i strongly feel someone should write an alternate ending to this one and make Lori pay.
This Author is GUILTY of Reckless Disregard ( of my pulse rate ) !
Most superior writers, considerate of their faithful fans, content themselves with inserting one Mega-Twist per story. Here we got two coming from left field probably originating from a baseball stadium in China . Lori having a baby in tandem with her daughter and the old school harvesting of DNA control sample. Mercy !
One tiny quibble would be that the co-chief villain Brandon's character could easily have been expounded on in greater detail to set up the outrage kindled in readers and narrator alike.
Perhaps just a quick one on one scene with the father & psycho swain where a hint of his sociopathic tendencies surfaces ever so briefly. He was a huge player in this story in every sense of the word but was pretty much a shadow until the wedding scene.
Barring that potential hiccup, this was intense from start to finish. Ergo my petulant, plotting protest in my selfish interest in terms of prolonging this wonderful story . The only thing ho-hum about this work is the certainty that another 2 fireball hot ratings to add to Francis Macomber's collection of quality titles.
THE MILQUETOASTS OF THIS WORLD
are not always meek and mild, especially when they protect their families, TK U MLJ LV NV
Great
Really great
Excellent
Great tale. Well thought out and well written. I agree with Karan about not enough punishment for Lori the cheating wife But everything else worked out well. Even a happy ending. Good job.
Nice story - a change from
the usual stuff. A minor point, you can't get DNA from cut hair - you need the hair follical. Keep up the good work
Loved it!
Very well written. Plenty of drama, but a fun read overall.
Karan . . .
is nuts!
i agree
with karan, it is only a story but the mother and daughter living with the husband after what the wife had done is to much for me.
No, not really..
Although a reasonable tale with out the husband being a wimp, Lori sure got off easy. And good ole Rufus needed some more justice. And Brandon also needed some more payback.
First class storytelling!
This has been the best read in this section for a very long time. Subtle and lasting revenge is far more effective than violence.
Okay, so I found it hard to identify the character of Lori with a real person - but that didn't really detract from it because the main character remained true to himself throughout.
It would be criminal to give it anything less than 5*
@ceoltoir
@ceoltoir... why am i nuts? because i am not a wimp? thats funny
good
Good, No, make that fantastic story! Loved the way he got his retribution.
Good yarn
Predictable, but agree with everyone else, not enough punishment for Lori,Rufus, or. Brandon. Lori living with them was toooooo farfetched.
Great writing.
As for the punishment. Brandon's lasted at least 18 years - a beating or a bullet is too quick. Lori was exposed to everyone who knew her for what she was - a lifelong punishment. Sounds good to me.
I, too, enjoyed
the tale----until I came to its very unsatisfactory end. A good story needs to offer some completion, a vigilante's action needs some measure of success; this story offered neither and therefore failed miserably. Lori, a lying, unfaithful, selfish fool ends up living unscathed and being taken care of by both her betrayed husband and daughter when deserved at the least to be made to live in a homeless shelter for unwed mothers-----at the very least. Brandon, in addition, could have been sued at least to lose his license to practice law...he may have not committed a criminal violation, but there is certainly a civil tort involved against either the protagonist or his ex-wife or his daughter (or all three)--- at the very least a picture of him in his wet, pissed in pants should be circulating around any city he ends of working in. As for good old Rufus, he should end up having brandon living in his home so that brandon would be there to offer legal advice and help Rufus lose many of his clients. I do think, Macomber, that you got tired and just decided to end the story where and when you did without ....... .
I liked it.....
It had a good ending and I was looking forward to reading this final installment. Thanks.
Karan
you're nuts for NOT understanding the story . . . I have no idea if you're a wimp
Karan
You're nuts for NOT understanding the story. I have no idea if you really are a wimp, but not caring about payback on the boy who ruined your life certainly makes it a STRONG probability.
You just don't fuck with married women . . . . and get away with it.
A really excellent resolution to the story. Hubby didn't wimp out and take Lori back and he treated her as he should have. Emily bonded with her mother as would be expected under the circumstances and the poor mistreated man got a new loving wife so a neat wrap up of the whole sordid tale.
The only criticism I have is if he suspected who his wife had run off with, the police should have been told. They have superior resources, but that would have ruined the story of course.
Lori and her Father each got payback
by having to live with each other. Her only refuge is someone she hates. Rufus must live with the constant reminder of how wrong he was:
1) He misjudged the character of all parties.
2) If he had not pushed Lori away her sister would have been warned.
3) He is now the laughing stock of Savannah.
Best revenge is a life well lived (along with the guilty parties causing their revenge).
Ceoltoir
No one is talking about fucking around with married women and getting away with it. The point here is, what brandon did was wrong so screw him if you want. But she was not drugged. Instead of behaving like a sissy why dont you understand that fact? Lori got away too easiliy was the point. But i guess your such a sissy that you fail to notice that and atgue on fucking around with married women.
Even if your a wimp thats not my problem but are you blind as well? Read my comments carefully before you comment. I said punish the guy if you want to but dont let lori escape. This is not a case of simple cheating, out here he was accused of her murder as well. You think thats no big deal? The guy was not the one who was committed to him lori was. She was the one who broke the wedding vows and not only did she do so, she got her husband humiliated in the worst possible way by the media.
You think thats a joke? Read the comments carefully and not just mine but others as well, as several people have voiced similar thoughts i.e. lori got away too easily.
It's funny how all the hatred comes for the guy for fucking with "the married woman" but no comments by you on how "the cheater" got away lightly.
I on the other hand give a more balanced view with the opinion that if the guy deserved to be punished which he did, than, so did the woman (lori).
And if i was a wimp or would show such characteristics as you do, then i would have been ok with lori getting away easiliy. Unfortunately for you and fortunately for me i am not a wimp so cannot accept it. This was my view.
karan must be as much of an asshole as Brandon was
karan's idiotic non-logic is not worth arguing about. Excellent story FM. Revenge in the right place and of the right kind.
Another great story to add to FM's list.
thebullet
@ thebullet: non- logic? asking for justice and seeing to it that lori pays is non logic according to you? So i guess, according to you logic says lori should get away with it easily? Is that even making sense?
And im a jerk because i want justice for the man and cant accept your wimpish ideas? You dont make sense.
Rufus
I like the name. good story. but I want to know if Brandon have something against the Carletons or just coincidence.
Part 1 was real . . .
. . . Part 2 was preposterous, but still just as much fun to read. I did like the historical reference thread through both parts of the story. Savannah is a beautiful city, but as I recall from reading Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, Savannah has bizarre roots that still pervade the city. Maybe there was a good reason Sherman struck out for Savannah after sacking Atlanta. All of the historical allegories seem to fit this story.
Another very good job!
outstanding
Little bit of mystery, little bit of action, lots of drama, an nice twist with the bad guys marriage to the sister-whats not to like?
Fine tale
karan: i prefer to avoid these kinds of arguments
But just to set the record straight: what did you expect the husband to do to Lori? She is already a broken woman. You want him to beat her? Kill her? Throw her into the street, even though his daughter begs him to take her in for a while?
What about the infant? Because she is the result of a cuckolding relationship, should she too be shoved into the shitter? The baby deserves to be punished as well?
What solution do you see that is fair to all involved while giving Lori the punishment you think she deserves? --no, don't bother telling me. I haven't the strength of will to read through any more of your mindless diatribes.
Damn Good Job!
The plot line might have been a tad far fetched, and I saw the Lori/Brandon affair coming like a slow left hook, yet I enjoyed the tale nonetheless. It was well written and the characters were well drawn up. The plot moved at a good pace and was, despite being a little fantastic, still exiting and believable enough to be entertaining without too severely stretching the readers incredulity
Four well deserved stars..
Karan
So you want to beat a woman . . . that says exactly how much a man you are! Go for it stud! Bloody her! Whip her in the village square!
Gaping, dripping asshole that you are that wouldn't be enough for a real man like you.
Great story
As usual, I enjoyed both parts. Excellent story telling. Great plot. Great resolution!
ceoltoir
@ceoltoir: At what time did i ask her to be beaten? Are you seriously blind? I never said such a thing, but you have nothing to say because logic cannot be argued upon so you put such false accusations on me. I would be an asshole if i asked her to be beated up but i did no such thing.
You on the other hand are an asshole because you are falsely accusing me of something i never said. Being blind is something you can be forgiven for but arguing for the sake of it is not acceptable. Grow up jerk. Get well soon.
I would agree
with the above poster in seeing the mother/daughter/lover connect early on but it is central to the story.
Great work!
the bullet: Nor would i like to argue, but just to set the record straight.
The bullet: I dont like arguing as well but just to clarify a few points. At no point of time did i ask for a solution that involved the beating of Lori. Though she deserved it is another issue but I am strictly against violence on women under any circumstances. So no beatings for her.
I agree on a few points that you made, namely the future of the newborn, for that there can be several alternatives that can be looked at. The baby does not deserve to suffer so something should be worked out for her. Either she could stay with the husband. Even though he was not the father, chances are he would raise the kid much better than a woman like lori who did not hesitate to sleep with her daughter's boyfriend and break her daughter's heart plus when she knew that her daughter was pregnant. So lori has a proven record as a bad mother, what makes you think she would do a better job second time round? Chances are the kind of whore she is, she might sell of her baby. And that's not what we want do we?
Despite Lori being the mother adoption could be looked at if the husband refuses to look after the baby and in a case like this chances are she would do better in a foster home as Lori is unfit to be a mother. At any given point the future of the baby has to be looked at, and all evidence proves that Lori would not be a good mother seeing her past record.
With regards to the right kind of punishment for Lori, well that again can be looked at, Beating is not a solution but something else more humane and yet hurtful because she deserves it. They can go to the media and expose Lori, an apology was printed in the newspaper but that was not enough or sufficient to remove the damage done. Thus, after she returns the least that could have been done was the husband going to the media, selling the story to some journalist. This would serve a three fold purpose. He would make money which he could use to take care of the new born baby of Lori plus humiliate Lori by letting the world know about her plus finally putting to rest whatever little doubt of his innocence that remained in the minds of many people.
So in no way is he "beating her up" ( i never suggested that, i guess ceoltoir and you must be hallucinating) and yet get even. Hope this makes sense and clears the record.
Very Telling
The comments here clearly reveal the split among LW readers. The people who come here to read stories love it. The people who come here to work out their issues with women are mad because Lori wasn't sold to a Mexican brothel after being spat on by everyone she knew. That would have been a totally predictable and irrelevant diversion but that crowd don't give a damn about the story, they just want to see the bitch burn.
I wish someone would start burnthebitch.com so all those Real Men could go there and get their jollies and quit stinking up the air around here.
i have not read it yet
i will today. but i have to say that people here comment just like people comment on the characters in every story everywhere. it can be a good story and we can hate the character and want more done to punish them or reward them. it is really nothing personal. pick up some reviews of the best books in literature and you will find similar comments about the characters. so get over it - part of writing is having people love or hate your characters. if they dont love or hate them you have just done a shit job as a writer in creating a character people just yawn over. booring does not sell.
from all the comments i can see this will be a good one to read and if i hate a character or love a character, it does not matter which, that is a point in favor of the author and his creation.
I enjoyed it, but
and as usual, there is a but. The first chapter more than set things up. The second chapter was quite predictable. Hell, I guessed the double baby paternity thing. The suggestion that the lover-boy had no idea that he was engaged to the sister of his late girlfriend stretched credibility a lot. Also, we were told that the rich father hired a detective. A good detective should have reported that the daughter had run off with the cad, the very cad that was romancing his youngest daughter. So we have an unbelievable coincidence and some really bad detective work needed to make this story work. I also think out hero would have been on Youtube waving the knife and gun before he exited the building and cops would have been on his ass before he reached the interstate..
Crap
Did not pass the "look" test. 1. Lori was seriously deranged, so the Dept of Soc. Svcs would have snatched the child. 2. If there is one Truism about Southern White folk, it's they LOVE their guns. They go strapped to CHURCH! Hubby would have went down under a hail of bullets. 3. Hubby could have filed the Paternity suits with DSS. They would have found him through the Bar association.
Normal FrancisMacomber story..
Well written, worth reading and lots of fun! Yes, yes, yes, there were a number of rather predictable elements in the story, but so what? That's true of most stories. I rather liked the 'scalping' approach to getting DNA samples - lol!
All together another jolly story!
Yep
Yhe ending was not in doubt, but you got there in a really fun way. Thanks for a great read
PLEASE STOP!
First, this is a fine piece of fiction. Most who read it carefully will enjoy it. Even Dick & Jane can be misunderstood if read carelessly. There are several areas in which 'poor practice' (such as by police and by Private Eyes) might have resulted in difficulties in coming to faster (but NOT, IMHO, better) resolution. Fiction writers (especially those not earning monetary reward!) should be forgiven for such, if not too egregious!
Bottom line...5* and my appreciation for the efforts of FMc!
Second, this area is for COMMENTARY on or to the STORY/AUTHOR! Yes, I have (rarely, briefly and with apology!) violated this before! I do NOT consider
s t r e t c h i n g my comment out (such as THIS paragraph) to be a violation. PLEASE honor this protocol. There IS an area in LIT to engage in extended discourse about damn near anything (like squabbles about each others' comments!) is available. Please take the 'explanations' THERE...INCLUDING any responses you wish to make to THIS request!
one of your worst stories so far,quite disapponited in you
F.M..what a fairy tale. this story started out okay but part 2 is a disaster, considering your skills as a writer..( JOHN) any man would never have Lori back in the house kid or not with what she did to him,that part was so unbelievable. and brandi sidding with her mother after finding out her ex boyfriend fathered another baby with johns ex wife,her mother. I THINK you are living in la la land. no daughter i know would have been civil and probably would have punched her lights out..she took off ,never left word ,he was investigated for her diapprearance and osterized by friends and family and she wanted to stay ih his home.. if this makes sence to anyone out there please respond.!!! he should have shut the door and sent her to a shelter.. he had absoluty no obligation of any kind to let this whore back into his home. ALSO IN NEW YORK there is free birth control center everywhere on 14th street in manh i know of one, also abortion is easy as pie at the same place whether you can pay for or not.. so the writter is full of it.. n.y is a liberal state.why would she bring another baby into this world if she coulodnot feed it clothe it ,educated it. what was she thinking and to go back to the husband she desserted is beyound believable . at least he moved on to bridget.. so i donot get it and this story just des not work. period...
ok i got it read
and the punishment was not even close enough. as for the slut wife, she should be out on the street and who gives a fuck about her bastard. now his grandchild is a half sibling to his slut x-wife's bastard - isn't that special. no brandon did not suffer enough and neither did the wife, but a mexican whore house would have been just a tad harsh, and anyone who reads my cheating wife shit - as in they deserved to be punished know i can really be harsh. but it was a good read and worth a 5 even the the wife was a cunt and her daughter not all that bright either.
Haven't read all the comments yet but . . .
It was a nice, fun, feel-good story. Thanks for writing.
I agree that Lori got off way too easily. "Oops, didn't work out, I'm back!". As for the unborn baby she carries, wouldn't that be HER responsibility? Is there any reason why it should be John's (the EX-husband's) responsibility?
There's little information on Lori after she came back. I'm sure she feels remorseful and regretful and all that, but it's not shown. As such, the view I have of her is still incredibly negative; the woman who cheats on her husband, fucks her daughter's boyfriend, elopes on a whim and gets pregnant. And the only reason she comes back is because Brandon abandons her and she's broke.
More importantly, no CHANGE is shown. That she's grown up, that she truly regrets what she's done, etc.
So yes, she got away with it.
Emily's behavior mystifies me as well. Maybe the pregnancy and the hormones because of it are screwing her up, but why did she forgive her mother just like that? Just because they're both pregnant? Weren't they rather antagonistic before? This sounds like a very convenient excuse so Lori can stay with them.
As for the "punishments" the "bad guys" got...Hm. Lori having to go back to her dad Rufus, who she can barely stand...Not bad.
Rufus, who is now proven by John to be a completely incompetent judge of character. I'm sure the humiliation of this entire debacle stings him more than anything. Although I'm sure he'll find a way to blame John for all of this.
Brandon, having to own up (IE pay childsupport) for the two kids he fathered, is probably punishment enough (for 18 years).
One more thing, John COULD have Lori make a "statement" in a newspaper about the real reason behind her disappearance, as penitence, perhaps. It would clear John's name, reveal the truth behind this case, and it would be a punishment that would not affect the baby. This would be a pretty juicy story that no newspaper would refuse, right?
In all though, it was an entertaining story.
I liked it
Like I tend to like all FXM works...I think it was interesting to tie the main character's study of vigilantism to what he faced in real life and realizing that the cut and dried negative most people associate with vigilantism is not always so. In this case, the law looks at Brandon and basically says there is nothing we can do, other then maybe him him up for child support (and one commenter is correct, Georgia is one of the lousiest states when it comes to child support, they give very little, not surprisingly). I think the ending was interesting, I loved the church scene, and dear old father in law finally got his comeuppance when he realized that shallow things like money and class don't make for good character, that 'liberal' professor turned out to be a lot more moral than the spawn of rich presumably conservative families...
As far as Lori not getting an abortion, the wedding scene tells you why, apparently her family is Catholic (though far as I know the vatican doesn't exactly love cheating or having babies out of wedlock).
In one sense I agree with Karan, that as a character I am not all that sure that Lori has suffered enough, or if she really understands how horrible a thing she did, it seems that all she still cares about is herself....when John is planning his revenge, she worries about feeling guilty about what might happen rather than worrying about him and she never understands how she ran off was of her own accord, she said she didn't have a choice, really? She is still delusional, though I doubt very much courts would take the baby away from her or it necessarily was the best course of action. It sounds like she has learned something, but she also hasn't quite taken responsibility for what she did...
That doesn't change Brandon as a skanky low life, and my problem with Karan's and some other posts is their statements about the character of Lori almost borders on Brandon not being scummy.....here is a man who was seducing both daughter and mother (until mom tells him to back off, so she can have him *gag*)., takes away a man's wife and doesn't even think of the husband, and though he didn't know about the kids he never checked with either mother or daughter to see how they were after dumping them..and then after taking the wife, dumps her, without resources or anything. That doesn't mean Lori is an angel, but it doesn't take away from what a scumbag brandon is. In many ways, he and Lori are the same people, they are both the spoiled scions of well off families, which despite certain mythologies about the families of well off people, is more often true then not, that the kids end up as low lifes living off the family fortune.....
The ending may not hang true in terms of how John handles it, but in many senses he displays what a-hole father in law couldn't figure out, that he was that good a person. Of course Father in Law would never apologize to John for the way he had behaved towards him, gasbags like that rarely do, but John comes out as a truly noble man, maybe not one many men are. He takes Lori in, not because of her, but because of his daughter (and yes, folks, mother-daughter relationships are strange, and things as strange as this or more happen, like a daughter taking care of a mother who sat back and watched as dear old dad raped her for many years and did nothing). John also felt sympathy for the baby and didn't want the child living in conditions not good for it, because it was innocent.
There is one flaw to the story IMO, that Frances doesn't straighten out, according to Lori's story, Brandon is a trust fund kid with 'a lot of money', so he wouldn't need a job with the town of Macon to pay child support...one could suppose his family (which is not mentioned) cut him off, but from the story it sounds like Rufus would not have to get him a job for him to pay child support.....and Rufus proves to be a jerk, too, because he has a grand kid and great grandchild and does nothing to help them, he should be judging himself, that fine ole southern gentleman he is not....
Frances, I love your stories, but please take Mz Sarah out again, it is like eating that special food available only so often.
meh
unrealistic that lori jus came back with out the main char doing anything if he was truly as hurt as he said he was he woulda turned her out just like she did him. Ovverall a weak cuckold story because if lori can waltz back into his house with another mans child and one in her and he lets her sta he's a wimp plain and simple, i'm not saying be cruel but it isn't his responsibility for his ex if that was the case every ex in the world would be back with their ccked husbands. Was a good story but the ending was subpar and ruined it. Not even the hair cutting made sense it was more or a soap opera at the end then arealistic story. Again meh.
Why no DNA test on Emily?
Why no DNA test on Emily?
He might not have a granddaughter either.
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