All Comments on 'Why Don't You Do Right?'

How...odd. This guy is complaining about wanting to spend time with his wife but stuck at an office party. An office party where no one would even notice if he was there. Then of course his wife is then trashed so we think she's a slut. But she has been neglected by her husband so really do I pity him? Not terribly. Then all of a sudden instead of wanting to spend time with his wife he can't see her in the same light anymore. So of course he screws around. Not that I care. He just wasted five minutes of my time.

I didn't rate this story. It needs more work. You have talent, but you can do better. I get the impression from your bio that you're a girl. Well, stop trying to write from the man's POV. It'll take you 20 years of hard fucking before you can even FAKE that perspective. Don't try to be so clever with your stories. Your generation didn't invent fucking, sexual creativity, or writing creativity for that matter.

You're young. You have MUCH time. Don't try to be James Joyce overnight.

I hope you take my criticism in the constructive spirit in which it is intended.

Give me a hardon. Make me jack off to your stories! I know you can. Good luck!

RR (male)

1 star - bad idea