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English
Near victory
Just a couple of suggestions that could make it a resounding victory:
It is unclear whether this is about one person or many. You may have done that intentionally, but it would be stronger with a single voice. A poet/soldier. That would make great phrases like "mind's cratered battlefield" (love how that sounds like mines) clearer. I realize it's not always a popular tactic, but this poem would be stronger with a clear "I". e.g.:
Daylight breaks on my exhausted pen
I have no hope of victory
I would also drop the political correctness of "no person's land". No mans land is fine.
5ed
i'm in low critique mode
no persons, but this is awkward
NO BATTLEFIELD EVER EXPOUNDS GLORY
only carnage and destruction, TK U MLJ LV NV
#2 THE BATTLE FIELD
where the winners and losers both lament for the loss and cargage. TK U MLJ LV NV
Sir -
That was moving - especially that last stanza
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