All Comments on 'Roommate Threesome'

"Lisa moaned as her tongue intertwined with Lisa's..."

You kept calling Kara, Lisa. Very hard to read and follow....

Consider giving your characters numbers instead of names in the rough draft. Makes it easy to keep track of who's who. Before submitting the final draft replace the numbers with your intended names. MS Word will replace all "One"s with "Lisa" or "Bill" or whatever.

i loved it! What really made it work for me is you told it true and put me right there in the action with you. We were three happy people making love to one another. Good work.

Actually, I don't believe you mixed the girls' names up so much as left the grammar ambiguous in a couple of places: nothing to worry about. I thought it was a great vignette, and hope to read more of your work soon.

I am 81, the story took me back 60 years when I had some two girls at once time.

Good imagery. Tighten up the details.....grammer, spelling, who is who -- SPECIALLY if you're going to write about threes, fours and mores.

liked the characters, good story, please keep going with this