Bland, juvenile writing style. Little character development. Too many typos. Not that the basic premise couldn't have gone somewhere interesting, but as written, it didn't.
Clever title, good idea for a story and sexy sounding girls. Are they girls you know in real life?
The good : Loved the tit fucking, the face fucking, the foot fetish parts and Lisas domination over Debbie. Lots of action and loads of loads, which is always good. Debbie sounds like a hot slut and Lisa sounds amazingly sexy. I was able to somewhat picture the action
The bad: The writing isn't the greatest and yes there are some type-o errors. Some of the sex action could've used a bit more subtle details and describing as well. For example the separate scenes at the beginning with the footjob under the table and the blowjob in the bathroom could have been better suited with a bit more sexy details during the acts themselves.
Overall I found it very entertaining and sexy though, and it did leave me wanting more. Good job and hopefully you will keep working at it.
Besides the fact that the short girl would be DEAD after a night like this, it reads about as interestingly as an encyclopedia.
Anonymous #2, thank you for your comment. I appreciate your constructive criticism. It will be helpful in the future. Debbie is a girl that I started talking to on Lit, I write my stories for her. Lisa is someone she knows that she wanted in the story. Basically Debbie and I come up with a storyline, she gives me details on what she wants to see in it.
Anonymous #3: It was written as a fantasy for someone. No one dies in a fantasy.
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