A Gift From His Father Ch. 08

a few changes

Torture not torcher; he tortured the poor girls with pleasure.
Sight not site; the sight of their faces was beautiful. The construction site was growing.
Just watch your grammar and spelling a bit more and keep writing. Thanks.

Loved it

I loved it!

Editor, editor and yet again editor

Please, your stories have so much potential. I'm sorry that I have to say this (again). But your current presentation is so many levels below your stories it's sad :/

Great story

Great story,,, please keep them coming

more

please post faster if possible weeks without are too long

Very nice keep them comming!

I like your story a lot!
Please keep posting!
It has big potential!

I Agree

With all of the comments so Far too long between postings,very good story,and keep writing.

Fun read but getting confusing

I'm enjoying the story, and I appreciate the amount of time it takes to write something like this. The twists associated with the nature of the ring are creative.

You've now got so many characters and story lines moving that it's difficult to keep track of who's who (or "whom" to satisfy the grammar sticklers). During intermediate chapters of a story you need to be careful to provide enough plot movement that you have everything in place for the conclusion, but not jump through threads so quickly that the readers get confused. Some signposting might help.

As someone else mentioned, there are some typos and diction issues that more careful editing would catch (and some of them would be caught by the spelling/grammar check function in MS Word).

Finally, despite the quick seizure of control by the other occupant of the ring, and the interaction with his family, this is starting to feel too easy for the protagonist - like so many of the MC stories that have no risk or complications. This story has too much potential for you to let it go that way.

This story has been a fun read so far and it has good potential. These comments are intended to help not to discourage, and, as with many of the other commenters, I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

RedJohnny

Feedback

Thanks for the feedback. I am taking all into consideration. Interesting comments on "signposting". I can see how it works in academic writing, haven't found any examples yet on how to use in creative writing.

Always looking to improve!

Editing

You need to self-edit or get an editor. "contingency" not "contentiously," for example. If you don't recognize this kind of mistake when you self-edit, you need an outside editor.

Editing et alia

Hey I love this story but the typo errors and others mentioned by others are rather annoying. BUT whatever keep writing and to hell with grammatical stuff so we can enjoy your story without to long a time gap between chapters. Saludos.

Really like the story who you continue it for some time.

Small Suggestion

Your story is really great and I love how you jump from one person to the next, but if you could put a break when you are changing view points that would make reading the story a little easier

Pointers?

As previously mentioned look to get an Editor just to pick up on your grammer / spellings etc. With regards changing from person to person look at how some of the other authors have addressed this issue and see if their solutions work for you.

I am looking forward to the continuing saga of Jonathan Smith so please keep posting.

Good story Keep it up

You do need and editor but don't be too concerned about that. It's merely technical detail. What matters is that you are a good storyteller. Stay with it and build on what you've done

Great story!

Please go on with this story!

Nice

Keep up the great story

mixed and muddles a bit

Fantastic, but what ever happened to the story of the bank manager from the beginning of the series!!!!

keep writing

Good stories. I can not write stories like you can. An editior can help catch when you have a word that sound the same but is spelled different then the one you wanted.

again that is technical, enjoy the stories keep writing.

Typos

You had some typos but the story was still good.

I've stuck with you through this whole series, but...I wish you would get spelling and grammar edited, and...lay off so much masturbation. You seem to have a wealth of knowledge, and that alone has kept my interest. This whole series could be turned into a book, but "torcher" for "torture"...please!

you really need a good editor for your work

As you have written - the stories are quite good but suffer so much from the typos and other grammatical mistakes it becomes almost more of a challenge to read

Dear Absolutely

Please go back and read your first chapter.
What you are now posting is not a continuation of that story.
It may be interesting to some of your readers, but, it is a serious disappointment to the rest of us. And slogging through your many spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors is becoming tedious.

Jumping on the bandwagon

So, I have to leave a quick note to say that after seven interesting parts I'm abandoning this series without beginning the eighth. I jumped to the comments section to see if the author was still struggling with grammatical errors, etc. and was dismayed to discover that remained the case. As such, I can't continue with the story as the process of mentally editing as I go has become too much of a chore.

Disagreement with other comments.

I notice the spelling and grammar errors when the come along (LOL at "torcher"). However, they don't really bother me too much. Its not so bad that I can't understand what the author intended to say without stumbling over it too much.

I'm just glad John hasn't been possessed by another dorky psychopath like a few chapters ago. Then I really would have to quit the series.

Errors

Like many other readers, I find so many errors that it takes away from a good story. Try reading it aloud, that will catch most of them.

EDITOR

This is a great series, but an editor is badly needed. Due to the continued, spelling, and grammar errors I cannot give this better than a 3.

Torcher?

Is that slang for an arsonist? Sometimes this great story is TORTURE to read.

Outstanding

I find this interesting and amusing. Yes there are some spelling errors, but they happens when you have so much to say and you don't want to loose it. Thanks looking forward to the rest of the story.

Another awesome installment!

Love, I mean love the sisters play time. Definitely need more of that. Perhaps with their toy collection.

Coors Lite?

Why on earth would anyone with that much power drink Coors Lite? Seriously this is borderline immersion breaking. I really like the story but that's just bloody odd.

DD

You would think with the ability to fuck any women you want, you'd get tired of making them all look the same. Seriously do you believe the only attractive women in the world have DD's and bubble butts? It gets a little clichéd after a while.

nag nag nag

Yeah the editing is almost not there and the author is a titty baby who drinks lite beer, but unless you are looking for non-fiction entertainment, this is pretty a good fantasy
story line.