First Real Man Ch. 01

Too much interruption

Your story is not erotic or lustful. You keep interrupting the action with the guy's thoughts about other sex scenes in porn he watches. Try again.

NICE

i liked it , reminded me of a meeting i had with a guy i met on line
it turned out to be very hot, normally i just get sucked off but he started there and ended up geting me so hot lickin my ass i had to have his cock

I liked the style

It was easy to follow. Intermixed past and present worked for me and made it interesting.

Good story... Good technique of mixing present with flashback to provide the background without making the reader wait for the good stuff.

Anonymous is mistaken

The technique you chose to use to narrate this vignette was well-thought-out and well executed. It added to the tension, which is already pretty high as you are describing a clearly enjoyable sexual encounter.

Oh, and by the way...

...the narrative movement between the past and the present is a kind of textual reflection of the oral sex -- the movement of the lover's mouth up and down mirrors the movement of the story. The upward movement (retreat) is the past, the downward movement (advance) the present. That's a very smart, very "writerly" technique!