- All
Comments (60) More Comments (60 total): Page: 1 2
- Add a
Comment
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
English
Thanks***
For sharing.
Condensed
Short version of a well told plot. Nothing fully believable but then again its simply a short story that is working to invoke an emotional response.
Loved it.
Loved it. Good to see stories that are not meant for 99.99% of loving wife readers, i.e. cuckolds. A man behaves like a man not a pussy. This story was awesome.
Thanks
You could have stretched this into a ten chapter epic. However you said everything that needed to be said and done in one fine chapter.
It's hard to believe how much betrayal was placed on one man. One honest working man who lived and worked family. To find out after 25 years that his family wasn't his was extraordinary. The finding out the reason why, and one child actually being his, I surprised he didn't go postal and obliterate everyone. It's nice he wound up happy in the end. If anyone deserved to be happy it was him.
Excellent Story
There were some factual holes, but WTF it was a very nice "feel good" story where good triumphs over evil.
Everyone but the dog....
Seems like a lot to happen to a good ole boy, but when it rains, it pours. Fact is, I see a man who has been fucked over like that with a pistol in his hand, might not be a good time to talk....
Head ace?
Perhaps you meant to say headache. There were a few other similiar errors. I suggest you have someone proofread your stories before submitting them. Errors often make it difficult to follow the plot.
To bad the wife got away with no fall out
Usually there is a price to pay by the wife in your stories. Not this time
Nice end of marriage story
I won't call it a revenge story because the only ones he got revenge on were his parents who loss one of their sons. I found the fact that his wife believed that all three children were Carlton's fascinating. My only suggestion would be that you ought to throw a change up as well as all these fastballs. Slip us an RACC story once so that we do not know the ending as soon as we read the set-up!
Should appeal to your target audiance.....
..... which is of course women haters and wife beaters.
Worst story I've read on Literotic
As of this reading this story was rated 4.21. Unbelievable. The above commenter was right, it could appeal to women haters. I skipped a bunch to the end just to make sure it had no sex in it. Was the hero betrayed by his preacher, too? There ought to be a separate category for "Hating Wives" so those of us who have no interest in them can avoid wasting our time. I gave it a "1" in hopes of lowering its average score.
Learned to check Author's list
At least I learned one thing. One should check the previous stories of the author before reading a new one. I would have found out what his obsession was and avoided this one. From browsing two of his previous outings and the titles of the rest, they are all in the same vein: hate diatribes against cheating wives and their paramours.
I actually learned two things, the second being how many people like these hate stories. They are all pretty highly rated.
Hey dog
Good concept wife lost everything - including her kids. Parents lost a son and grandchildren. 5
Killed
By grammatical and typographical errors.
I don't know who is worse
rocketeer50 for being the cross dressing cuckolding cock sucker he is or hands0nman
whom we all know is a dumb as dworcuck. You bitches sould like models advertising for Playtex tampons. Hands0nman even went so far as calling us wife beaters. I would say the same of him if he had a wife. Not everyone are willing nut lickers like you two, so fuck off and go back to the wimpy little hubby's play group you fucking queers.
Generally Predictable (given the author) but effective.
One question that I really missed being asked was 'why Hubby's parents supported the method'! Dead simple to do sperm count! If infertile or very low count, discuss supplementing Hubby sperm with Carlton sperm artificial insemination. If Hubby agrees, no problemo, no contact! (Actually, not an issue, since Hubby is shooting live rounds!)
Minor question, why the big turn-around by Sweetie Dad approving marriage? Did he detect her 'generosity with Strange' and get her married off to a gullible but dependable dupe? Another minor one (and I think I know the answer) - "were Carlton's 'donations' restricted to one or two during Sweetie's peak fertile periods the three pregnancy times?" Yeah, SURE! Why not resort to the turkey baster?
Agree with better editing comment...on the other hand, I really liked the last volley!
4* coulda been a five IF Sweetie had been given an opportunity (not necessarily directly to Hubby) to provide SOME explanation - beyond the usual BS of eternal love - of her decisions!
only one comment
where were all the third grade school teaching editors when I looked for one. Mine might not be the best in the world but and least he get the drift/meaning of what I was trying to say. And to all the grammar comments, step up or shut up, when someone ask for the help, give it, instead of bitching about it.
Hands0nman, I don't hit woman or hate women.Been married to mine for 18 years, so I'll leave the wife beating to you.
Rocketeer50, I read you story. While it was a little soft and feminine for my taste over all not a bad story. While you and your brotheren are into the wife fucking 200 guys being "quote" sexy. I'm not. And those that aren't into the my wife is getting fucked by the 23 year old gardner or my wife cuckold's me and I love it stories. There's room for all types, including my fellow BTB'ers. So chin up son, relax and live on. Thanks for the time you took to dislike this. PEACE
Good story but ...
For crying out loud, get an editor and take a language course or two. Some of the comments from the cuckold group were amusing. He was clearly not a woman hater as he ended up in a good relationship with Abby. He never beat anyone much less a woman. He certainly didn't burn the bitch. I don't know why those cum-slurpers have their thongs all knotted up.
Excellent
It's nice to read a loving wives story where the hero actually behaves like a man and not a pathetic wimp. Yeah, the editing could be better but that doesn't change the feel good aspect of justice being done at the end. We see very few non-wimp non-cuck loving wives stories on this site these days. Thanks for writing something worth reading without having to search the archives Huedogg2. 5!
I liked it, but...
I really enjoyed this story. The plot was entertaining and there was no small amount of humor built in, which is always a plus in a story. I found myself unable to resist respecting and liking the lead character. He sounds like a good guy to sit around and drink a beer or twelve with.
The downside of the story was, of course, the typos and grammatical errors. I gave the story three stars, but if those pesky things hadn't been there it would have gotten four or even five.
Careful dog, you're showing a little humanity. Some will take that as a weakness. And you still need to create a realer image of the wife.
Finally you are starting to understand the real victims. Not you. But the children. You're still writing the same story, almost a diatribe, yet in this we find a curve ball. I didn't miss it. You treated those kids as a man ought.
Raw writing, wry humor. That's what I'm saying. 5* Thanks.
Editor
I am a Literotica editor, but it has been months since anyone asked for my help. Qualifications: I taught grammar and punctuation for many years and am certified to teach language arts Kindergarten through eighth grade.
The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
The Good -
I like the story. It has promise.
The Bad -
There was no dialogue. A story without dialogue is boring.
The Ugly -
Get an editor. The grammar was atrocious. Spelling errors galore.
Sorry, Dog.
Not bad
You lost a star for poor editing and grammar. Also it seemed rushed and sparse. Too bad the wife did not follow the usual procedures for donation. All close relatives would have been tested. Brothers would have been good candidates and nobody woukd have been the wiser. Unless the wife was honest when dictating the birth certificates, child support and all for grown children would have been laughed out of court. Still, not a bad rendition of an old story.
Damn it!
You've gotten me all fired up and pissed off. But nothing will probably come of it because you are the master of this type of story. It was short sweet and to the point. I doubt if I could ever bring a full story home with this degree of brevity. That in itself is a master stroke. The humor in the opening parts was great and really drew me in then you lowered the boom with the worst possible betrayal at a time when a person is at their most vulnerable. What parent doesn't feel helpless when their child is in the hospital fighting for their life. To be in that situation and then find out that your wife has betrayed you doubles the blow. Then the situation got worse when you discover that the person she betrayed you with was your own brother. As if that wasn't bad enough you ratcheted up the betrayal another notch when you revealed that everyone on both sides of the family knew except for the kids and the brother's wife. It was all over but the shouting after that. Well done a great job. I'm jealous. SS06
Implausible But a Good Rant
Everyone in his life conspired to let his brother fuck his wife behind his back, so all his children weren't his. All based on a premise regarding his sterility that was a silly lie easily squelched. And over 20+ years the conspiracy worked. Gross implausibility. OK, even so, it was a fun rant to read. You really do need a good editor. The errors are many and distracting.
Keep going...
Hey Dogg,
Look man, just keep them coming. I see a couple of wimp wanabees who don't have the nerve to write a story let alone criticize. You have a style that is your own. Short and to the point. Maybe StangStar can get a couple of pointers and flesh out a story like this in the way he writes his stories. I have to say when are the whiners who think these stories have to be based on real life learn to adjust their meds? Fiction has to be based on real life? How sad...Hope to read more soon...
Talk about fast moving and tightly written stories
I feel like I've watched a race from the pace of this story.
A fantastic short story and a great revenge story.
I'm impressed by the way the author has written and edited this post.
Thanks for the read
Good but,,,
Hi H2,
I read your story here, and thought it was very well done. My problem with it, and it's a small problem, is not the grammar or spelling; stuff like that can be caught an taken care of with a couple of close rewrites; it's what I do all of the time if it matters...
No, my problem is that you needed to be much longer. It ended so fast I barely had a chance to finish my first JD on the rocks. This one definitely needed to be a three drinker.
Anyway, thanks for sharing. And keep on keepin' on. Oh, and five stars as usual for your stuff.
Matt
5*****
Hue good story plot. However I agree others the story promises 5 pages long story possibility. Jessica was his, so he was not sterili but only he was low sperm counts.
If he does some days sex rest and the woman is the exact time of the ovulation the DNA test proof children project is possible event!
BTW In the story there is not any woman/wife beating and there is not any woman hating!!!! Slut haters are not = woman haters!
*5 and faved
A good story. You are one of the authors I look for new stories from.
His relatives are freaking idiots
His mom should have told him about the supposed infertility.
His wife should have discussed his "condition" with him and maybe considered adoption or artificial insemination not going behind his bac and FUCKING HIS BROTHER, thats just stupid.
His dad lost his sense of morals and wussed out.
His brother is a worthless piece of shit for fucking his wife and making him raise his children without telling him, THATS FUCKING COLD.
He's gonna miss them? YEAH RIGHT!!
Not enough
Until all the conspirators have suffered a painful death, justice has not been served. You can't cheat a man out of his genetic legacy and not die for it. It is the same as killing him. That is why stoning is the prescribed punishment for such filthy people.
mighty fine dog
mighty fine! would have liked some blood and poverty but this is good too. love it 55555
Loved it
Great story line. Makes me want more, more more! Some grammatical errors and typos, but I really I'd like it.
Still laughing
One little flaw. When he married Abby he wouldn't have been spending Carlton's Alimony - it ended when she re-married. Otherwise a very good "lay waste to everyone" story.
Imagine
Being betrayed by everyone you loved. Luckily he was the good guy in this tale and everyone who he wanted came back and loved him. God I hate fucking people. Especially cheaters and deceivers, family or not.
Cute and entertaining
Which is what a story should be. 5!
Recipe lacking
Good story but I prefer a little more meat on the bone. Say, like a pound or two of flesh. Literally, cut me a pound off each one of those assholes and I would feel a lot better.
Sick fuckinh family -
All of them -
To make such a declaration with no facts - better yet be totally wrong too -
Such total betrayal of everything you knew - wow a person would be in incredible pain there - it actually showed a lot of restraint to have it go as it did. he put HIS children ahead of all of it
Fucked up family...
...they got off too nicely.
Excellent story frothed with extreme emotion, very entertaining.
How about communication??? If the whore mother and wife were such tree's of concern why didn't they have their discussion with Harold? Any man would've been floored by the abrupt revelation that he wasn't the father of his own children, which later he found out he was for one of them. His in-laws and parents and brother and wife totally absolutely betrayed him in the worst way. He should have never spoken to any of them at all, ever. He gave thirty minutes to Megan, which was twenty nine and three quarter minutes more than I would've. However, the author's heart was in the right place and executed this story expertly and succinctly. There was a great deal of ground covered in a very small space. Thank you for a very emotional and recreational read. This would be an excellent movie!
Interesting, but...
I've read other stories and have seen at least one movie like this. In those, the husband often did not know of his problem and in all that I can remember, the wife used the brother, friend, etc. as a sperm donor. Is that what happened here? Or was she fucking Carlton all the time?
Definitely needed a proofreader/editor.
1*
couldn't even end this shit. get a fucking editor or get lost.
Well Done Sir!
Loved the story, the decisive action by the husband and the oh so perfect ending.
Morgan DeWolfe
tO1kmhq5apoPRPwx, if your wondering what happened to your comment
I don't mind any comments, you take the good with the bad. Come on Harry from VA has killed me at least 10 times and it's his right. I normally don't delete comments but I was tempted to delete yours but then I thought better. And left I it there because I had to remember how cuckolds bitch over BTB stories. And as another commenter said to you
"FUCK OFF".......Oh and I to am waiting for your NEXT story.
Harry from VA from the VA isn't from Virgina, he's in the mental ward of the VA Veteran Admin!!
I gave this a 5 to help you along
Damn! it is good
Very nice indeed
Interesting premise...
But there are serious continuity/development errors:
a) You claim the protagonist's mother disapeared, but somehow she told Megan about Harold's illness.
When was that? Did daddy dearest run off his mother after cooking up this scheme? Why such a big deal about infidelity then? Did mommy dearest come back?
b) Yellow Fever is really an odd choice for the illness. For one it is quite deadly, but those that survive it generally don't suffer long term effects. Further it is rare outside Africa or South America. Is the story set there?
Measles or Mumps would have been much better choices in that they are common childhood illnesses, that can cause infertility.
c) How do they "know" Harold is sterile? Had he hit puberty before age ten? Unless we are talking about serious developmental issues there is no medical way to assess someone's sperm count before puberty. So where did his family pull that crap from?
d) For all the "7.No cheating pussy is worth half, no matter what the judge says." bullshit, how is that applied in this story? The judge just magically gives him everything he supposedly wants without any development. No child support is a no brainer since you make all children to be adults and wipe out any savings with Paul's illness but most judges would look askance at one of the parets just signing the communal home to merely one of their three adult children.
The alimony is also questionable but, even if the judge somehow granted it, once Abby and Harold shack up their respective maintenance payments from Megan and Carlton are terminated.
All in all there are quite a few plot holes that distract from the story.
@IMSmut
His father said IF his mother disappeared, NOT that she HAD run off.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Answering My Questions With A Quest or
More submissions by Huedogg2.