not bad for a first story.... Really great cnapter cant wait for the next one love the epic climactic moment at the end not bad. Keep writing cant wait for your next story please post soon
Get an editor.
i agree, but it look like a good start, hope to see more
I appreciate the good and bad comments a lot. I want to be the best writer I can. I'm looking really hard for an editor. Hopefully I find one soon.
I am not sure whether this is a plot in your story but I simply do not like people who hate animals, dogs or others. Cursing doesn´t make the story better either and to get through the windscreen you have to be without the safety belt, doubly stupid as I see it! I don´t think I will go on reading this any longer. Just too bad - even for a beginner!
It is a plot. She doesn't like animals but falls for a wolf. Irony.. but that's fine. I am not forcing my story on anyone :) I don't plan to get every fact about everything right. But thanks :) a comment is a comment.. Good or bad.
you are off to a pretty good start. i really like Tal.
Ok the body discription is completely off the character is skinny yet has big breast for her size and a "fat ass" she needs to either be skinny or have curves not contradict they body type
I really liked this first chapter, it has already drawn me in, can't wait for the next chapter.......soon I hope lol
Look foward to the next, don't worry so much about negative comments, Their is a differance between being helpful and being an asshole. They don't want to read, they don't have, also, its your story so you can make any person in it look any way you want. No one is confined to a single body type, everyone comes in diff shapes and sizes. Great story.
Your characterizations are fairly good, but more details will help. There are some grammar/usage issues as well, but we'll take care of those easily enough. It seems to "zoom!" in places and can be a bit confusing. As new characters come along, we can work on fleshing them out a bit more and giving them some depth so that people can learn to care about them.
In a way it reads as if this story was just bursting to get out, and the author was hurried to get it (figuratively) down on paper... the pace needs to be governed down a bit so that the reader has time to process each piece of it without having to go back and re-read things to keep them clarified.
I can't wait to read the next bit. :D
I'm LOVING this story so far!!!! Hurry up on the next chapter!!!
agree with Beosaevio. It needs some fine tuning but you have the tools to not only create a strong foundation but a finished product. Looking forward to the next chapter.
I agree with you guys but I'm not trying to have a long boring chapter. I'll try to take you guys comments in consideration and run with it. Thanks guys i appreciate it
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!
orBack to Natalia's Wolf
orMore submissions by LuvKaiLynn.
Edit comment orSubmit Comment
Comment posted successfully - click here to view it or write another.
Title of your comment:
Your public comment about Natalia's Wolf:
Please type in the security codeYou may also listen to a recording of the characters.
Title your feedback:
Your feedback to LuvKaiLynn:
If you would like a response, enter your email address in this box:
Feedback sent successfully - click here to write another.
Login or Sign Up
All contents © Copyright 1998-2012. Literotica is a trademark. No part may be reproduced in any form without explicit written permission.
Terms Of Services|Report A Problem|Privacy
Password:Forgot your password?
Your current user avatar, all sizes:
You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.
Select new user avatar:
Upload and save
User avatar uploaded successfuly and waiting for moderation.