My High Price Paid to Write Erotica

A Tough Road

Condolences. I have some understanding of what you have gone through. I'm not Christian. I broke away a long time ago because I had a hard time with the misogyny. Mythic images are crucial. When my father left, my mother had to work two and sometimes three jobs to feed and clothe all of us. Christianity offered the virgin Mary or the Mary the whore as images to aspire to, and there are so many other possibilities. What matters is the heart and character of a person, and it galled me that my mother was told to submit to a husband's will as she was to the male god in church. She deserved better options. As she drifted further to fundamentalism -- and despite it's misogyny, it does offer a code of behavior -- when I went on a trip with her, two of her friends tried to corner me into "converting back" while I had no money in my pocket and was hundreds of miles from my own home. After I got home, I didn't speak to her for nearly ten years.

And just a few years ago, family members discussed the possibility of kidnapping me to "de-program" me of my beliefs. If they knew I wrote erotica? It doesn't bear thinking about. If they never talked to me again, it would be better than other option they might consider. The church often forgives murder of non-believers. And, oddly, Christian churches reserve its most violent actions against perceived rivals they call heretics. Gnostics in the 4th century? Albigensians in 1200s? Catholics vs Byzantines vs Russian Orthodox vs Coptics vs so many others. Then Catholics vs Protestants. The list is really close to endless. Emo Philips' bit about the man considering suicide on the bridge is bitterly hilarious because it is so true.

I make a point to respect the beliefs of others as long as they do no harm to others and I expect the same in return. However, I find that true Christians are scarcer than hen's teeth; those willing to embrace the Sermon on the Mount as a lifestyle stand out because they are so rare.

To be rejected by your family hurts. To walk your own road means you have to examine the basics - who you are, what you believe, and how you will live your life. And often the pathway isn't even gravel much less a dirt path but something you have blaze forth yourself.

Faith and religion are supposed to help, not hinder. The medicine man Sun Bear once wrote that faith should grow corn. That is, it should sustain you in adversity, see you as valuable when your heart and soul need direction and support. If it doesn't, it's time to reevaluate what you believe in. If it's church morality that condemns you, maybe it's time to step outside the nave and into the sunlight. And if not, I found the works of Elaine Pagels (Gospel of Thomas, et al) and Karen King (Gospel of Mary) to be challenging and insightful.

Your essay is stream of conscious writing, but it remains visceral all the same. This is only the second piece of yours that I've read, but that is neither here nor there. Keep writing! I'd give this work five stars but the voting is disabled. You've apparently given pleasure to many, and based on the comments here, many are willing to stand up and cheer you on. (And you are so right: those who read and move on versus those willing to actually vote are abysmally small, and even fewer bother give feedback!) In any case, I'd like to add my voice to the chorus in your cheering section.

Peace and love.

...having read the comments to your essay, i can only add my own beliefs.
i believe that the only people that you can call your friend is someone that loves you to the extent that NOTHING that you do or say will change their opinion of you. relatives are included in this belief also. actually relatives can be the most hateful,vicious,mean spirited people that you will ever have to associate with.
i believe in karma as the great equalizer in life also. i think that karma isnt some evil force in the world but most people will bring about their own 'bad luck'. that is the karma that i believe in.
i believe that if you are really true to yourself, love yourself no matter what your "friends or relatives" tell you, then you can hold your head up high because the only one that you will have to answer to will be the person in your mirror.
lastly i believe that deep down, you have the 'stuff' to go through life with no apologies to anyone.
john

wow!

Kinda feel like I just had my ass chewed out, and I'm on your side! Great passionate writing. The world is full of the "Bertha better than you's" who condemn others to make themselves feel superior. Best advice I can give, though you didn't ask, is to live your life as you choose and not let them bring you down. They have the right to live their lives as they choose too, even if it shows them to be hypocritical goat fuckers.

Well shit!!

Do you have any idea what really, seriously sucks?

People write to you and treat you the way they do so you have to write something brilliant like this.

Keep up the good fight!!

P.S. Then I can't even vote on it!!