All Comments on 'Three Virgins Ch. 03'

The plot thickens!

(I'm going to apologize ahead of time for the long post. ... "sorry.")

I don't like the idea of the other 2 being so vulnerable to Yanni. Giving her that power over them means that she can completely control them -- even make them into her slaves. Then, all the work you put into developing your other 2 main characters (good job, btw) would pretty much go out the window because Yanni's perspective would be the only one that'd really be important.

It'd be FAR better if all of them are totally autonomous.

Besides, it really makes No Sense for them to be immune to others' mind-Reading (and other powers like time-freeze), but not mind-Control.

If you don't want to change the way you ended this chapter, then please find a way for them to build an immunity to Yanni's power.

Or you can make it so that none are able to affect the others unless they allow it.

Or you can make it so that their powers work on each other, but not as completely as on everyone else. So Yanni could Influence their thoughts or emotions, but not Control them. Kerry could alter their bodies, but only a little bit -- like grow Yanni's boobs by 1 cup size instead of being able to make them into DDs.

These are just 3 of your options - and each is better than what this chapter's ending means for the story.

It doesn't matter exactly How you keep them autonomous, just so long as you do.

Cuz it'll pretty much kill your story otherwise.

Other than that problem, it's going great, so please keep it up