All Comments on 'His Other Half'

by BeautifulHearts

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  • 44 Comments
amienicholeamienicholeover 11 years ago
Hummmm

This story sounds so familiar.....

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago

I too find this story VERY familiar, have you copied it from someone else?

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago

There is another story on Literotica that is very familiar to this one. Aside from that, this story is poorly written and has a ton of grammatical and spelling errors.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago

Reminds me a lot of Shadow of the Wolf by another author on Lit.

Love4wordsLove4wordsover 11 years ago
It sounds

Like the same story of another author

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
boo

Plaigarism is not funny or clever, you should be disgusted in yourself

InlovewithAlcideInlovewithAlcideover 11 years ago

Write your own fucking story!!! Did you think we wouldn't notice you've copied blackduchesse's Shadow of the wolf?! So you change a few details and add a lot of grammar, spelling and punctuation errors to make us think its yours! You should be ashamed of yourself! Has anyone reported this loser yet?

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
You guys are being pretty mean.

This is not a unique concept, but neither was Shadow of the Wolf. Several other stories on this site that pre-dated Shadow use the ploy of a desirable supernatural using a social event to find his mate. Likewise, all of these stories are a rip off of Cinderella. Has anyone reported those authors yet? You haters need to get a life. Keep writing, Beautifulhearts. Welcome to Lit.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago

until he has to contend with a pack of rogues trying to kill his mate to bring on the super were or whatever i an giving the benefit of doubt that this will be dtfferent.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Ignore the trolls..

Make the story yours. There are thousands of novels out there which are virtually identical yet have their own unique identities. I look forward to more..

AmbersSexyLoveAmbersSexyLoveover 11 years ago
??

If you don't anything constructive to say, please shut the fuck up. Leave the author alone. This is a great story. These trolls need to go through the hunderds of stories on lush. Most of them have the same plot line, just different people. So CHILL. I like the idea of the story, but I suggest you get an editor to help you smooth out your writing so it flows better. Give it another shot doll.

Amber

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
keep going

Please keep going with the story, ignore the ignorant people and harsh comments... I think it is a good start... it kept me reading... keep up the good work...

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Mmmmm...

Well, it seems that everyone that wrote a negative comment has not one story posted themselves. I would like to see you write a story that isn't familiar. If you read a lot on here, eventually you will read a few that does have something in common with another story, how could it not? You can only write so many before things tend to be repeated in one way or another. So, until YOU can write a story that does not reflect what has been written before, keep your opinions to yourself. Didn't your mother ever teach you that if you don't have something nice to say, to keep your mouth shut!!

suebramleysuebramleyover 11 years ago
Lovely first attempt

I really enjoyed your first attempt and as said below ignore any doubters. Everyone has to start somewhere and I just wish I was inventive/imaginative enough to write any type of story. Well done for having the courage to have a go. I am looking forward to the following chapters.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
more

More please..........ignore the trolls

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
one complaint

too short. I loved where you are going. it got my attention but want more and fast.

PoisonlovePoisonloveover 11 years ago
good job

It's great stories what inspire us to release an idea and turn it into magic. Yes, to all above! but, use this first chapter as a support. Long time readers like me can detect repetitive stories (THERE ARE A LOT) but, it's not the initial setting what make us love a story rather the course of it. At least you write in English and not HALF of it.

keep it on!

Butterflies1974Butterflies1974over 11 years ago
More please?

Oh my goodness I want more please. Great start to their story.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Wonderful.

What a perfect start to a wonderful story. I can't wait to see how it turn out. Please keep writing your first story is very good,

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
I have read this before. are you reposting?

Seriously, this is too much like another story thread to start, the alpha is in his office, his Betas are throwing a big party, he needs to find his mate, his mate winds up being a human. or is she? isn't that where the story then goes? she's not just human? if this is truly your original work you are going to have to drastically change the direction you have started.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
This story reads similar to a story posted by blackduchess...

Called Shadow of the Wolf. It is not identical, but the plot is similar. I think you can write the story is many different ways that are different to the black duchess story. I am eager to see where you go with this.

BeautifulHeartsBeautifulHeartsover 11 years agoAuthor
thank you

thank you for the feed back. i promise this is my own story, i have more on the way.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
HI

i love your story it was soo good keep making more this one was goood it was soo cutee zoey sounds hot ;)

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Need Editor

I appreciate your efforts and know this is your first submission. I would suggest that your find an editor that can help you refine your writing. You need help with content, vocabulary and sentence structure. Keep writing, you will improve as you write.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
I agree

You really do need to get an editor to help with the errors as it will make a huge, positive difference to your story. Anonymous is right, the more you write the better you will get at it. Keep going! I also think it sounds a lot like the previous story mentioned but this is just the first chapter and I'm willing to wait and see what the next chapter brings.

willieonewillieoneover 11 years ago

As a fan of Black D I will wait for more chapters before I comment on your story more but I hope you post more soon.

willieonewillieoneover 11 years ago
One more thing to keep in mind...

Please don't make her anything other than human, until he changes her to a wolf that is... I am so tired of the Alpha's mate taking over the whole story, she is more powerful because she is an Ancient,Witch or something else other than a wolf. I can't help it I love all the Alpha males in the stories I just get annoyed when their other halves take over and make them into snags just to please their mates. lol My favourite characters on lit are in WhiteSabreTooth's stories. Hence my frustration with powerful mate taking all the limelight. Just sayin'

fefe428fefe428over 11 years ago
Please find an editor!!!!

You really need to find yourself an editor. Your story isn't bad, but you're jumping from past to present tense, which makes it very difficult to read and your style is a bit stunted. You need to find someone that can help you develop a better flow to your writing, because your story idea has some meat to it.

There are volunteer editors available to Literotica authors. I happen to be one, but I had to stop for a bit while I didn't have online access. I am back now though. I work with other authors not from this site on their online work, so you may want to find someone that can devote more of their efforts to you, but please find someone to work with regardless.

Good luck to you.

huntersangelhuntersangelover 11 years ago
great story so far beautifulhearts

I agree with previous comments, this story does sound familiar, but you can make it yours with where you go from here. I like that you not only wrote your story, but after all the negative comments you were brave to come back and comment. BRAVO for that beautiful hearts. Don't let anyone discourage you, continue your story and who knows, you just might become the greatest author lit has ever seen. I look forward to more from you.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
i liked it. ***

Not bad for your first story. When you write the next chapter read it out loud and read it slow. That's a quick way to correct your errors. As for all the requests for you to get an editor. Pick someone who was encouraging your effort not discouraging.

Waiting for second chapter.

GOOD LUCK :)

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago

I like that you came back on and responded to the comments in a good way too. Lord knows it's not easy to write something and post it publicly. That's great advice from the previous poster about reading it out loud, slowly after you have written it. Many people have great story ideas but struggle with grammar, spelling etc and at the same time there are others who excel at the mechanics but struggle with creativity and imagination. There are people on literotica who will edit your work for free. I would partner with someone to help clean up your writings and make it easier to read. Congratualations on your first submission and there are many wonderful, constructive comments on here that should be helpful to you.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
On a lighter note...

...there people like me who will still have errors even after proof reading before they post. Lol

I really can spell the word congratulations

josephstevensjosephstevensover 11 years ago
Great First!

Love it! Thank you for a first story, and the first of many, I hope...this one certainly needs a part two...very good indeed.

blackduchessblackduchessover 11 years ago
Congratulations on your first submission!

It's a little intimidating putting yourself out there for others to nitpick at your work, but you did it. Kudos on your first try. We may have similarities in the beginning of your story but as others have commented, its how you flesh it out that makes it truly yours. Good luck and keep writing.

AbbieStarrAbbieStarrover 11 years ago
Excellent Beginning!

I am intrigued to see what happens next :)!

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Nice work

Alot of stories start out sounding similar, but are not the more you read. Do not worry about the cruel words by fools. It was good, and yes an editor will help, but either way just keep writing. You have a strong fan base so far and we look foward to more. Thank you for sharing your tale with us.

willieonewillieoneover 11 years ago

I sincerly hope that we get more than one page a month!

Speedy1106Speedy1106about 11 years ago
When

Hey, so when is the next chapter coming? I hope it is soon.

Maria_LunaMaria_Lunaabout 11 years ago
More!!!

When's the next chapter coming out?

Speedy1106Speedy1106about 11 years ago
More

Please do next chapter soon. Still waiting for more

Speedy1106Speedy1106almost 11 years ago
Disappointing

Was hoping for more.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
waiting for more

you have a good start how about some more ?????

Stephen J

Celtic_moon28Celtic_moon28over 9 years ago
waiting for more

U need to finish the story!! I can't stand it when someone starts writing a story and its really good but they don't finish!! Drives me nut!! So please please write more!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago

Please continue to write the rest of this story as I think it a great start and it would be lovely to read it to the end.

Anonymous
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