The Bet

Nice plot

Decent writing and build up.... could have drawn it out some. The ending was too abrupt. Did leave the door open for more with this story line, but no real teaser.

"She really needed to talk," she decided, "so she'd have to trust him. And be careful."

Why is Caroline talking about herself in the third person?

Slightly erratic, and ends too abruptly

One moment, she's hesitating about losing her virginity to her boyfriend; the next, she's giving it up to a relative stranger who doesn't even bother to rubber up (won't her legs be getting a little sticky by now?).

The American characterisation also seemed a little forced. I note the use of the word "bum" here and elsewhere; are you actually British? If so, why not set your stories in a context you're familiar with?

she fucked a stranger

one had no proof her bf made the bet and fucked a stranger

that alone puts her in the whore category.

If her bf did and she left him fine but she just fucked the next guy lol i wouldnt date or marry a slut like that she couldnt be faithful with a chastity belt.

Well

Sort of dry and obvious from the outset, keep trying.

Ash sounds like a manipulative piece of shit. When he first meets her, he acts like he's "accidentally" revealing what's going on to her because it's only logical that she already knows, then later he states that he told her on purpose because Brad is a shit. Which exactly is it? What does Hymie think of Ash helping him cheat to win? It sounds like there's supposed to be more to this story, and in fact it sounds like Ash has his own bet going on the side.

Excellent plot and well-written story

Screw the critics. This is good.

Sequel Please

I really like the story. I'd love to see a relationship blossom between Ashleigh and Caroline, with them eventually moving into his house together

A sequel would be nice.

Perhaps with her getting pregnant and married. In any event, I liked the story and it is creative and original. I rated it 5 stars.

No

Was she eighteen? You only mentioned it 6 times, perhaps 7 or 8 more times would have convinced me. Really.

I was tuned out by the end of the first paragraph, which bludgeoned me with 18 and non-sequitur statements promising more of the same throughout the story.

Sorry.

Interesting story, but not the type that wins prizes this time of year. Better luck next time.

Loved the sex scenes and the writing, Very Good.

Disappointing ending. But a great story.

I really was thinking the whole time that it was Ash not Brad who had made a bet to take her cherry. The whole renovations thing was unneeded rubbish. But the beginning was so strong that it earned a 5.

the bet

i some how think ash was part of the bet, he was playing her from the start and surely had a hand in it. and her boy friend was a creep too and she was surely a slut that anyone could fuck just by giving her a few kisses and feeling her tits, and bareback at that. so much for holding out and not diving into sex. lol.