All Comments on 'Dirty Girl Sneaking In'

Since you asked for comments:

Good description of the action, but very little description of the characters. It's a valid creative choice, if it was your intent to leave details vague so the reader could substitute him/herself.

The shift in tense was a little jarring and not really necessary.

Asterisks might be acceptable for interjections or exclamations, but quotes should be inside quote marks. Also, periods go inside quote marks (though there is some variation throughout the English speaking world.)

A good first effort.

Hope that helps.

Thank you for writing this.

I enjoyed the scenario and it is a great idea for a story but would have benefitted from you taking a little longer to write more. Build the tension. Meet the characters. Don't be hasty. What there was was good though.