All Comments on 'Three days before Christmas'

by LeggieLibby

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  • 12 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
EXCITING

I enjoyed your story. Keep writing. Build up is important and you seem to enjoy these touches.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Quotation Marks

I was really starting to get into your story; it had all the right elements for me. Unfortunately you don't seem to use quotation marks to indicate conversation between characters. This makes your story difficult to read and follow. I gave up long before any action occurs. The use of literotica editor will also help you clean up some run on sentences and excessive comma use.

I was really looking forward to hearing your tale. I hope to see more of your work in the near future with the refinements mentioned.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Good Story, but . . . .

It was sadly spoiled by appalling grammar and a KEY factual error - the girls were supposed to be getting together on Christmas Eve, but you actually MEANT Boxing Day ie AFTER Lucy's husband had departed for 'diplomatic' duties!

Details like this let work down - worth reading it a few times before submission AND getting the grammar aspects, especially direct speech worked out

michaeld17110michaeld17110over 11 years ago
The First Time is Always difficult

You have a great flair for the erotic. I enjoyed your story and look forward to more. You have a couple of commentors who were rough on your grammar and punctuation. I would not dismiss their comments. They have a point. The story would have benefitted from some editing. That said, do not allow yourself to be discouraged by their comments. You have real talent.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
good

That was a very good first story! I see that some of the comments before me were very critical and somewhat harsh. Just remember those comments are needed so that you can improve!! Don't let them discourage you in any way from continuing to write though! I see great stories coming from you can't wait for more!!

LeggieLibbyLeggieLibbyover 11 years agoAuthor
Thanks all

I'm glad some of you enjoyed my first attempt, it's even nice to get a slating, far better than being ignored!

Dan and Lucy had their Christmas day early, he flew out early Christmas eve morning, leaving the girls free to enjoy the evening

Will there be more? I hope so, if time allows, but I need to buy a new box of commas first .. love libbyx

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Very hot story......

i felt like i was there with you, receiving it all.......got me very worked up.....screw the punctuation and grammar.......you made me cum....

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
screw grammar

Loved it.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Who needs perfect grammer....

...when the story is as hot as this....excellent! Just tell everyone you wrote it in throes of passion and orgasmic bliss! Keep on with this. Can't wait for the New Year's party..LOL

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 year ago
Absolutely beautiful! I can't remember my pussy ever flowing that much, ever! WOW!

Truly amazing, 5 big glorious stars! Loved it!

Orpheum69

FandeborisFandeboris5 months ago

A really sweet story. Two friends become lovers during the Holidays. A lot of fun and Jill is no longer depressed. 5 stars. Happy Christmas 🎄

ChumulyaChumulya2 months ago

Really enjoyed reading this story.hope

Anonymous
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