The sheer load of exclamation marks was a bit discouraging. I do understand the positive sides of a quick mind fuck, I wouldn't have read to the end otherwise, but even a "quickie" should get a bit of care and love to make it more readable. You did well with your story, but you could do better. More careful punctuation, less adjectives relating to size or shape of sexual organs (less is more!), and more realistic descriptions to give the reader an opportunity to "dive into the story", not just get yanked along.
by
Anonymous12/04/12
Different people look for different kinds of stories. I personally look for fantasy, dominating, and even a little pain in a story. If it were as realistic as a different comment suggested it should be, I would have found no point in reading it because as I said, different people require different things. I quite enjoyed the fast paced setting and it was more exciting to me that there wasn't really any care or much sensitivty. This was exactly the kind of story I was looking for. 5 stars!
by
Anonymous12/05/12
wow
I have been to this place but never been so willing to get used as you were... though in the the back of my mind I wish I could be! Very nice story, had me hard the hwole time!D
English
The sheer load of exclamation marks was a bit discouraging. I do understand the positive sides of a quick mind fuck, I wouldn't have read to the end otherwise, but even a "quickie" should get a bit of care and love to make it more readable. You did well with your story, but you could do better. More careful punctuation, less adjectives relating to size or shape of sexual organs (less is more!), and more realistic descriptions to give the reader an opportunity to "dive into the story", not just get yanked along.
Different people look for different kinds of stories. I personally look for fantasy, dominating, and even a little pain in a story. If it were as realistic as a different comment suggested it should be, I would have found no point in reading it because as I said, different people require different things. I quite enjoyed the fast paced setting and it was more exciting to me that there wasn't really any care or much sensitivty. This was exactly the kind of story I was looking for. 5 stars!
wow
I have been to this place but never been so willing to get used as you were... though in the the back of my mind I wish I could be! Very nice story, had me hard the hwole time!D
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