All Comments on 'How it works (in my head)'

by Butterflies512

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  • 6 Comments
HarryHillHarryHillover 11 years ago
I like this

Take a chance

tazz317tazz317over 11 years ago
BETWIXT PINNOCHIO AND CYRANO

who is the real bard. TK U MLJ LV NV

demure101demure101over 11 years ago
Chance and coincidence -

A nicely involved poem - well done!

greenmountaineergreenmountaineerover 11 years ago

I enjoyed this. The contrast between the awkward Cyrano and the more accomplished but tragic icons worked really well and kept my interest throughout the poem.

Being more economical with the words and lines would have made the poem better IMO. For example,

"Could he have left it there

When he was here"

The second line is redundant with the first, and the near rhymes of "there" and "here" felt forced to me because of it.

Quibble: the possessive pronoun adjective, its, doesn't have an apostrophe.

live4passionlive4passionover 11 years ago
:)

"no one believes me.."

that one stanza.. remarkable.. so decisive and subtly nuanced moving in so many directions levels all at once it left my head spinning. A big spontaneous smile. Very well done.

Scheherazade73Scheherazade73over 11 years ago

Ah, the overanalysis club...glad to meet a fellow member.

This one got under my skin.

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