All Comments on 'Danielle and David Ch. 02'

I enjoyed this story please don't let David reenter the story Danielle deserves to be happy with Peter. I know this story is suppose to be about David and Danielle but instead make it about Danielle and Peter growing together.

I think peter is david i mean u just said in this syory that he can imitate peoples voices

I seem to agree I think Peter is David or I'm really hoping he is. I love the way Peter has chosen who he wanted to talk to in the office and it was Danielle. I like the way he's is wooing her instead of just jumping down her throat cave man style. Anyway Keep em coming!!!!

Peter is NOT David. Sorry to say David is coming back. I promise you will grow to love him too... I hope.

If David is coming back I hope there won't be love triangle.

i enjoyed this and if David does come back into her life, i hope she realizes that she really cares for Peter; Peter can show he is willing to fight for them. David will pop up and say he was hurt and couldn't contact her--no excuse, even jails have phones.

Great story, I'm lovin it and can't wait to see how you're gonna make us fall in love w/David when you did such a wonderful job of making us fall in love w/Peter...I mean Adam Levine for goodness sake! He's on my Hit List :-D

Now there were quite a few places where the story switched from first to third person, sometimes in the same sentence. It's a simple fix that detracts from a great story. Please know I'm not trying to be critical, I just thought it might be helpful. Keep up the great work!

Wait, why is everyone getting mad at David? Not even defending the guy but phones do work BOTH ways. Maybe he though she stood him up... I' am not sure why either one of them would never call or check in after the missed meeting…unless they are two prideful people. Can’t wait to see where this story goes, because despite being with Peter, if she is still thinking about David then she still feels a certain way for him even after 3 months.

I like Peter and I hope he doesn't get hurt too badly when the time comes for David to come waltzing back into her life. Can't wait to see how exactly this story is going to go. Either way David owes her a damn good explanation for standing her up and not calling her back after she left him a message. The only way he should not have to grovel as much is if an emergency with his kids happened or he ended up in the hospital with some serious injuries.

I was think what if Peter is David lol. David might be his middle name, you never know. He probably figure out who she was when he was talking her, and now he don't know how to tell her but I hope you update soon it was great chapter.

You really need to edit, or get one. A reader shouldn't have to insert words in a sentence that you've left out. There are many grammar and punctuation errors. Also very rushed, slow down.

I have the feeling that Peter is David. I hope that I am right since she is still thinking about him, even though he doesn't deserve those thoughts.

sppoiler alert he was hurt and doesnt know her. so f off bitaches. yeah i know i didnt spell it right so f off

i liked the story. but i was quite confused at times. the story would switch from 1st to 3rd person within the same sentence & i wasn't sure of exactly who was speaking. an editor could really help you with that. the one thing to remember when writing is that the audience is lazy & if something doesn't make sense they will walk away from it confused, rather than to take the time to make the connections themselves. when the audience walks away confused, they don't think very highly of a story. you, and this story has potential. get an editor & keep writing. you have a lot of natural talent. you're off to a great start.

Your was excellent before you get published an editor could embellish it by correcting some minor errors. The story was professional in every way a story could be. The story begs for a sequel.

Overall, I enjoyed your story, but I agree you could benefit from an editor. But I do have say your choice of Sizzler for their first date was a bit of a turn off. Either way keep it up. I'm looking forward to see how the story develops.

But get an editor. This story has so much promise. Keep going.

But the formatting errors are really distracting, you should get an editor in the future.

The writing could also be improved, sometimes I feel like I'm reading a laundry list of actions. "I did this, we did that, he did this..."

I hope to hell you have an editor for your ebooks on Amazon, to expect people to PAY for your work as it is..... So many errors! How can you not see that yourself? Grammar, punctuation, words in the wrong order, words that shouldn't even be there, wrong words...it's instead of there etc...

Its very distracting.