Cocking a Virgin

Rape warning needed

It would be really helpful to put a warning at the beginning that this is a rape story since it isn't clear by the category or title. Thank you!

The writing is pretty rough- passive voice, no transitions, poor phrasing that confused the action, missing words and grammatical errors, and... Look, I don't want to be rude, but it just doesn't sound like you've had sex before, or like you know much about contraception.

Overall, it needs serious work to be effective and erotic. A beta reader would improve the technical issues, and research would help the factual errors, like the effectiveness of the morning after pill. The sex could use more descriptions and buildup. The pacing needs work, since the reader is thrown in and out of these encounters and the sexual tension does not build this way.

I'll admit that this is personal preference, but it seems pretty demeaning that this girl will endure unwelcome contact in exchange for expensive underwear, and grows to like sex with her creepy molester. The idea can be done, but it takes care, and here it just makes these characters that much flatter- and why squash erotica characters any flatter than they usually are?

This is genuinely meant to be constructive, so please, take it for what it's worth. Everyone needs to work on something, and that's what I think would help. Good luck!