All Comments on 'A Gift From His Father Ch. 09'

You have many areas to explore and loose ends to close, so I hope you branch off with a Part deux. A gift to his Son Ch.___ maybe? That may be too far in the future but great characters can go anywhere. Thanks.

3 pages after a huge delay. Waste of time. I wont give your stories another second of my time. I hope you know that people do get connected to stories and when you take a break they expect at least a reason on why the next chapter is trash.

A little long in between but well worth the wait. Takes a big set of ball to make a comment and not put your name to it. keep up the good work and don't let those jerks get to you.

I am glad you returned and plan on giving the story an ending, thanks.

I like your story a lot. Although it took you a long time for this part to appear and it is very short you have me waiting for the next and final (why???) part.

I would love to read a nice final or more sequels(!).

Thanks!

It just such a shame you aren't using the editing service here on literotica.

As the story is right now, it reads like a draft, not a final submission.

With that said, the story does have potential.

And just like earlier, ill again offer editing help.

i love these types of stories. i do hope the last chapter is not the end of the story though,maybe do another set sorta like a series?

I have read all 9 parts and am looking forward to more. Marking your author page in my "check back" book marks. Please continue the story, there are so many possibilities. Please do not go the gay route in it.

I like your style, please continue and think about being a professinal writer of erotic stories.

I love stories like these and there are a few other good ones on this site - but - I got a headache correcting your grammar, tenses and spelling as I read. Spell Check. Also, when a writer creates a great story as you did - it is necessary to either continue or finish the story for the reader's sake. You are due.

Sorry this took so long, I had meant to comment when I read this at release and seem to have forgotten.

I love the story and the writing. Characters are fun and not flat. Some could use more filling out but are definitely interesting.

I do agree with the other poster that there are some painful errors that editing would clean up. But that has not stopped me from enjoying this and checking back frequently for that final chapter we were PROMISED.

i just read your series for the 3rd time. i am looking forward to reading your final chapter as you put it. i hope to see it soon. great job so far kudos to you.

Fantastic story, so interesting. So Where's Ch 10?

This whole story is fantastic!!! You have got to continue. The character development has been very good and the way John has learned to control his world makes me wish I was in his shoes. You could really keep writing past chapter 10. Keep up the GREAT work!!!

You just left us hanging with a promise of more to come and a bit of closure. What happened I would love to hear more. This is one of my favorites

PLEASE check your spelling and grammar. It ruins what would otherwise be a good story. Quote from the text on PAge 3 Chapter 9 - " he's return around closing time."

What? He's return?

If you would, please post the final chapter. It's been a very pleasant journey so far.

You desperately need an editor. No offense, but the only other times I've seen grammatical and spelling errors this bad has been some of the foreign online scammers who haunt some social networking sites., It's a good storyline, with well thought out characters and good development; but your grammar and spelling tend to detract from this. I hope to see the next chaper(s) soon, but please, please, please, find a good editor to proofread it and fix the mistakes.

Some would say consistency, especially in a series, is a good thing... But not when it is consistently bad! Please contact me (this is not my name on the Forums) if you want an editor in the future, as I would be happy to help.

There are indeed so many typos that do distract from the story-line. Not only the THERE, THEIR, THEY'RE and YOUR/YOU'RE, but he/herhere, and other silly spelling errors...but also incorrect use of IDIOMS. Sorry for no examples on the idioms, but in tact is ONE WORD, but slips through spell checker easily.

It isn't usually a bother, because so many of the stories are so weak, but yours is politically interesting.

Great story. Need to check for grammar and verb tense.

Didn't you ever hear of a spelling checker? Even more you should ask some to edit your stories. Your imagination and pots are interesting but spoiled by the misuse of words, bad spelling and grammar. What was the last grade you attended in school and passed? Perhaps grade 3 or 4.

I can't stand reading your stories any more.

Go back to school.

still aweome dont listen to anyone but hay ue gramerly next time it works like a charm

Sorry I can't take it any more.i keep having to rearrange sentences in my head to figure out what the hell half of your writing means.the other half of the time I'm trying to figure out what damn word you actually meant to use.

I seem to catch the typo’s as well as the mistakes in sentence structure, but I figure it out just fine. Maybe you should just stick to crayons and coloring books. Leave the literotica stories for the adults. The amount of Freakin grammar nazi’s on a free website being overly critical of a story somebody spent their free time writing just to have them tear it apart is sad. Why not comment like that under your site tag. Better yet instead of being an asshat, try volunteering your amazing literary and grammar expertise and do some editing for the stories you seem compelled to read and talk shit about. Wait, then it would be your errors if the slipped through the cracks. Keep up the good work AWT. I love your stories. Now finish the naked ray gun series, lol.

Thank you i completely agree. If they are gonna do nothing but shit on a good story they should just fuck off

I cannot read this anymore, the story started good, But now it's got really - really Boring, to much sex, page after page of the same crap - the story put to a slow death.. Don't see how anyone could read 31 parts of this. 3 would have been more then enough - got so - so Boring. a lot of women used just like a pros/whore/street walker. the guy just seems like a pimp..

This story is going downhill in a hurry. John is changing and taking advantage of everyone he encounters, changing their minds and bodies just to suit himself, with no consideration for what they may be as people. Getting his GF and her mother drunk to facilitate him fucking them together was a particularly low point. And now he is recruiting one of his school buddies to help run Cynthia's store -- come off it, as John's school pal he must be what, 18 or 19? Where did he get the experience to run a Retail business? And everyone seems to be turning bi-sexual. John needs to get hold of himself and grow up into some form of an adult.

These stories are the worst. It has magic but all it’s for is sex. That is stupid. Sure help some nice people have better lives and feel better about themselves. It’s fine to get some of the ladies to sleep with you but you are forcing people to rape each other. Like April and her mom. Both were freaking out not wanting to hook up but he forced them to think it’s ok. I understand being mad at the sisters but making the girl dumb is a shit move. The ring should have killed him then. He took their power that was good enough. Could have done so much more with this story and this power. Yes this site is for sex stories but every second is someone screwing. That is not a story. Now it could turn around but I doubt it. I can’t stand to read any more.

I really enjoyed your story. I see there have been a lot of comments about typos and editing. At first I didn't pay too much attention but lately I have been noticing the issues a bit more. You could really improve your stories by having them proof read by someone. Up to you but just another suggestion. Keep up the writing.

an erotic story about sex-powered magic, nice, ... ;-) TTFN

At least people have stopped shuttering & began to shudder when appropriate.

For all our bitching, we need to take time to thank the author for creating this great story, so thanks!

Bill S.

Hideous cut and paste porn story.

The 'fashion' clothing and furniture name dropping is uninteresting. The chapter break should have been earlier (after the shower?).

Great story telling! With a good editor and rewrite partner, this could be filled out into a phenomenal erotic novel. This concept can be and is incredibly engaging. Great job so far - I’m looking forward to the next chapter!